


Kiss Against The Wall

by bladespark



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, BDSM, Collars, Coming of Age, Consensual, Consensual Kink, Dom/sub, Gay, Gay Male Character, Gay Rights, Gay Sex, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, Not actually alpha/beta/omega its kinda an in joke thing, Online Dating, Online Relationship, Online Romance, Past Abuse, Religious Guilt, Romance, Size Difference, Teasing, Teenage Drama, Underage Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2019-10-18 10:54:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 23
Words: 48,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17579516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bladespark/pseuds/bladespark
Summary: Matthias Emerson gave in to temptation—once—and kissed the then-thirteen-year-old Ethan Flagg.  He feels immensely guilty about it, a burden of guilt added atop the heavy load that comes from being a gay man born and raised in a conservative town and an even more conservative church.For Ethan Flagg, though, the kiss was a revelation; he wasn't bored with girls because he was still a child, he was bored with girls because he liked guys.  Aided by his bisexual classmate Rob—and by the fascinating things he reads on the internet—Ethan sets out to grow up, and to unlearn the lessons his own conservative parents have taught him.  And most of all, to see if he can find the romance he so deeply desires.When an anonymous admirer reaches out to Matt over the internet, he has no idea it's the boy he sinfully kissed.  But with Ethan as the pursuer—and increasingly the one taking charge—things don't turn out how either of them expected.It seems like the obstacles before them are insurmountable, but it just may be possible for the unlikely pair to deal with Matt's guilt, and with the fact that they will need to wait years until Ethan reaches adulthood.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story does _not_ contain underage sex.
> 
> It does, however, treat teenagers as being capable of sexual desire, exploration, and understanding. 
> 
> It also contains underage masturbation, making out, teasing, and fooling around on the internet.
> 
> It was written with the idea that the ability to meaningfully consent is not a switch that magically flips on one's eighteenth birthday, while acknowledging that our society acts as if it does.
> 
> It is not autobiographical, but does draw on real (messy, complicated) lived experience from my own younger life. Please keep that in mind while leaving comments.
> 
> This story is not meant as any form of apologia for pedophilia or child abuse. It is meant as a telling of a very human (and therefore messy and complicated) situation in which characters can be both good and deeply flawed people.
> 
> The very first version of this story was about Fierce Deity Link and one of my personal characters. It has mutated considerably and bears little resemblance to that story, but felt fannish enough to share here.
> 
> It is also kinky as hell and does have quite a lot of sex, just so you know. Also quite a lot of angst and drama.
> 
> Sorry for all the disclaimers, this is a weird one, and I figured people might want to know what they're getting into.
> 
> It should update once a week until finished.
> 
> (The full version of this is already available elsewhere, you can ask about that if you're interested. Also, if you'd like to see me talk about writing, my works in progress, other creative endeavors, and my life in general, check out [my Dreamwidth blog](https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/).)

It was February fifteenth, the day after Valentine's Day, and so the restaurant was nearly empty. A few families, a group of friends, a solitary diner at the bar, and—tucked away in one corner—a couple, gazing into each other's eyes as if it were Valentine's Day still.

On one side of the table sat Matthias Emerson, a handsome, masculine sort of man with a dark, neatly trimmed beard and hair just barely touched with gray at the temples, worn long but pulled back in a ponytail. He was a little young to be graying, just over thirty, and his clear gray eyes were unlined. He was very tall, his height obvious even sitting down. Across from him, with their hands just touching as they waited for their food, sat Ethan Flagg, a dark-haired young man with intense brown eyes and olive-tinged skin that would have been bronze if he saw just a little more sun. Today was his eighteenth birthday, and he was both short and slender, standing barely five foot four, well over a foot shorter than his companion. He had a pointed chin and slightly snubbed nose, which resulted in him looking even younger than he was.

The waitress had given them a startled look when she'd noticed they were holding hands. Ethan gave her a glance now as she passed by their table, meeting her curious eyes for a moment, and smiled as he turned back to his companion. "So, Matt... Bets on if she's surprised that we're both men, or surprised I'm not your nephew or something?"

"Heh." Matt shrugged, his smile fading slightly.

"I'm sorry," said Ethan, and squeezed his hand. "I shouldn't joke about that. I know it bothers you. But hey, all that's in the past. I'm totally legal now." His smile was warm and sincere, and Matt couldn't keep from giving an answering smile.

"I'm glad of that. But...legal is not the same as moral. I still worry about you sometimes."

Ethan sighed softly. "Someday I hope you stop worrying. I'm fine. You're fine. We're fine. If I had this all to do over, I wouldn't change a single thing."

"I might change that first kiss," said Matt softly, his eyes dark.

"Oh Matt. But how would we have gotten together if you hadn't kissed me then? I think it was a pretty great first kiss." Ethan squeezed Matt's hand again, and his mind drifted back through time.

****

There had been that first band trip, his freshman year. Six teenage boys staying up far too late in a hotel room, their chaperone already sound asleep in the room next door. Somebody had started a game of truth or dare, and when Ethan's turn came up he'd opted for truth.

"You ever kissed anybody?" The tuba player had grinned sadistically at Ethan, who was a year younger than the others, since he'd been jumped up a grade. He'd also always been short for his age and was considered nerdy even by the standards of high school band class. The older boy's expression said he was obviously expecting a "no".

Ethan's cheeks had flushed brightly, but not in shame at his virginal status, and he'd managed an answering grin when he replied "Yes, I have."

"Ooo," said somebody else, lasciviously, wiggling his eyebrows. "Who was it? Anybody we know?"

Ethan shook his head firmly, still smiling. "You only get one true answer per turn," was his reply, and when his turn came around again, he'd chosen to take the dare. 

As he played out the game, though, the phone in his pocket had seemed a heavy weight, the messages he'd sent—would send again curled up in bed tonight—burning on it, and he felt his blush deepen at the memory of what had led to those messages, of the kiss he'd first shared even further in the past.

****

Matt's hands pinned him to the wall. That was the part of the kiss that stayed with him, both immediately afterward and in the years to come; the feeling of those huge, strong hands, holding his shoulders against the wall of the dark church hallway.

Ethan was thirteen years old, and had been assiduously trying to ignore the results of puberty. There didn't seem to be anything good about growing up. He hated the way his peers talked about sex and girls all the time now. Girls were boring, and it did not make him some kind of baby that he still thought so. He found his night-time emissions messy, annoying, and very much unwanted. Having "the talk" with his dad had been even worse. Stacked on top of those problems came added annoyances; being told he was too old to trick-or-treat, being unable to play in the ball pit, and having way more homework than he'd had in middle school. 

Getting older sucked, there wasn't anything good about it at all.

Except now, with Matt's hands pinning him against the wall, with the big man going almost to one knee in order to kiss him, with his lips on Ethan's, hot and strange, and his body, huge and hard, pressing against him, Ethan felt something that was definitely grown up, and definitely good. His heart was pounding, surging in his ears, which seemed impossibly hot. His whole body felt hot. And his groin felt hot and tight, with a hardness there that Matt's leg pushed against as he bent to kiss Ethan.

Ethan heard himself make a muffled little gasping sound, without even meaning to, and Matt suddenly pulled back, his eyes wide in the dim light that spilled over from the door to the gymnasium, where the faint sound of the other kids' voices echoed. Matt was breathing hard, looking down at Ethan with something like shock, something like fear on his face.

"I... I should not have done that. Forgive me. I'm sorry. Please don't tell anyone."

Ethan blinked up at him, trying to figure out what was so bad. Then his brain started to function again, and he had a sudden flash of his father ranting angrily at something on the television. "Men who kiss other men are sick!" He hadn't stopped there, either, there had been things about Hell, and about deserving violence, things that even then had made Ethan more than a little uncomfortable. Now, suddenly, all those things rushed into his mind, and he felt a fear that matched what he saw on Matt's face.

"I won't tell, I promise," he whispered, and then he bolted from the hall, out into the light and safety of the youth group basketball game.

Matt emerged a moment later with the spare ball he'd gone in search of, and the game resumed. 

Matt wasn't their usual church youth pastor, the usual young man was home sick. But at well over six feet tall Matt had played basketball all through school, and had volunteered to take over and show the boys some pro tips.

They'd all been very excited. Ethan had known Matt already, he was a friend of Ethan's dad, and they sometimes had game nights at Ethan's house during basketball season. Now, though, as the game continued, he kept finding himself blushing, looking at the tall, and undeniably handsome man, and remembering the feel of his hands pinning Ethan to the wall. He was just a little sad but mostly very relieved when his dad came to pick him up.

Sitting beside his dad on the way home, though, his mind filled up with remembered words about men who kissed other men, about gays and their sickness, and he felt like he might literally be sick. His stomach churned the entire trip, filled with fear and confusion. He'd kissed a guy. He was gay. If his dad was right, that meant he was going straight down to Hell.

The sick feeling warred with the heat of memory. The kiss hadn't seemed bad. It had seemed good. It had seemed like one of the best things he'd ever felt. How could a thing like that be bad? But then Matt had seemed to think it was bad too. Ethan's mind spun with confusion and uncertainty, and the ride home seemed impossibly long as he sat with nothing else to think of but his newfound awareness of desire and the newfound fears that came with it.


	2. Chapter 2

Later that evening Ethan still couldn't get the memory out of his mind. He sat at the family computer, located in the living room where the pastor at church had said it should be, where it was "safe" because his parents could see what he was looking at. Except of course his mother went to bed promptly at nine most nights and his father was usually glued to the television, completely ignoring the computer tucked into its corner desk behind him. Neither of them were very good with computers, either. They never checked his browser history, and they didn't have his passwords to anything.

The only other measure they'd taken was that his mother had hung a picture of Jesus on the wall beside the computer, so his face was staring at Ethan whenever he glanced to the side. That reminder of the Lord's watchful eye would apparently keep him from doing anything bad.

Not that Ethan usually looked up anything he wasn't supposed to, he was generally a fairly obedient kid, he didn't want to get into trouble.

Tonight, though, he found himself restlessly clicking through his usual sites, none of them grabbing his attention at all. Finally, acting on impulse, he typed "guys kissing guys" into the search bar. He glanced at his father, who a moment later started talking, ranting at the talking heads on his screen. That meant he was particularly absorbed, so Ethan dared to hit enter and look at the results. His first impression was that they seemed pretty useless. Most of the titles read things like "Cute celebrity kisses", which didn't really address his issue. He knew that Hollywood was full of deviant homos, his father had said so often enough. But what did that kind of thing have to do with the fearful, wonderful heat he'd felt in the church hallway tonight?

His dad rose, and he quickly clicked away, to his e-mail screen. A moment later he heard the refrigerator door opening. His dad was getting a snack, and would probably be a while. He clicked back to the search results, suddenly tempted by the "images" option.

Ethan clicked.

A shiver went down his spine. What he saw immediately stirred some of that same heat within him. He'd seen sexy images of women before, scantily clad and even a few nudes, and none of them had had a tenth the effect that these pictures of fully clothed men just kissing instantly had on him.

They were all handsome men, and they looked happy, mostly. They were obviously enjoying what they were doing a lot. Some of the more intent expressions made him wonder if he'd looked like that. He was pretty sure he hadn't been smiling, like a lot of them were, but had he had that expression of focused desire? Matt's face had looked a little bit like that, had held some of that intense need, just before he'd kissed Ethan.

He felt that one or two of the faces were vaguely familiar, and realized suddenly that most of these people probably were the "cute celebrities" he'd dismissed as being irrelevant. Maybe even some of the ones whose expressions reminded him of Matt. Did that mean that Matt was the same kind of deviant as these Hollywood men? Or could his dad be wrong about all this?

He scrolled down further, and let out an audible gasp. He glanced towards the kitchen as if his dad could have somehow heard him over the still-blaring television, then looked back at the screen, his eyes riveted on one particular picture. 

The image was a drawing rather than a photo, with a taller man pinning a shorter one up against a wall as he kissed him. Just like he'd been pinned. The tall guy wasn't as much taller as Matt was, but it was still startlingly familiar.

Ethan clicked on it. Then he heard footsteps from the kitchen and swiftly closed the tab. He'd have to look again later.

The images seemed seared into his mind, though. All those handsome men. So many of them so happy. Were they all sick deviants? 

Was he? 

He looked at the search bar at the top of his browser. It still had the previous search showing, which he should get rid of. He quickly deleted it, then looked at the blank box, and slowly typed in another line.

"Are gay men going to hell?"

He looked at those words for a long time. He glanced back as his dad, sitting with a plate in his lap, glaring at the television. Another talking head was holding forth about some government crisis.

At least the guy on TV wasn't talking about the gays.

Ethan swallowed and turned back to the computer. He hesitated, then hit enter.

The results seemed pretty mixed. Some youtube videos that he couldn't watch right now, his dad would be mad about the sound and he didn't have headphones. A bunch of different websites. The summaries suggested no single theme or thesis, and several talked about how it was a debated theological topic. Ethan frowned faintly at that, and clicked on one of those. His dad had seemed very certain, and what he'd heard at church had been pretty certain too. But maybe it wasn't so certain as that.

The memory of the Matt's touch shivered through him, the feeling of his kiss burning on Ethan's lips. Was that the fire of Hell? It hadn't seemed like it at the time.

He glanced at his dad one more time, then started reading.

It was at least an hour later when he heard the television turn off. He didn't frantically click away, since the website he was looking at said some stuff that included "theology" in big letters near the top, so he was pretty sure his dad would approve, so long as he didn't actually read the rest of it.

The rest of it, and the other sites he'd read, were a revelation.

The stuff he'd learned at church might be wrong. All of it might be wrong. He wasn't stupid, he'd known there were other religions, and other kinds of Christians, but seeing these other beliefs spelled out, with the very same scriptures he'd heard a thousand times explained in completely different ways, had shifted everything. Some of these theology discussions even flat-out stated that nobody could prove that God existed at all.

These weren't evil atheists and satanists, either, these were other Christians, ones with degrees in religion, saying things like nobody could prove that God was real, and being gay wasn't a sin, and if it was then everybody sins and you can just get forgiven. He knew about forgiveness, but the way his parents talked about it, and the things he'd heard at church, had always seemed to suggest that the really big, icky, awful sins were just too much, too big, too terrible.

But these other people were saying different things, things that seemed to hold everything he'd ever liked about church, things about compassion and love, and that gays weren't going to Hell any more specially or particularly than anybody else was.

"Hey, Ethan, you have school tomorrow. Time for bed."

"I know, dad. I'm doing some research, though, so I'll be just a little longer. Is that okay?"

"Sure. Just don't stay up too late."

"I won't."

Then his dad was gone, and Ethan was alone. He clicked to a different tab, one he'd quickly left earlier, lest his dad happen to glance over and see it. His dad seeing this picture might be even worse than seeing a picture of guys kissing. 

The site was for "LGBT" youth. The term wasn't entirely new to him, but the way it was presented here was. The photo showed a group of smiling people, a few around his age, holding a big rainbow banner. On it was written, "1 John, 4:8, God is Love" and below that familiar scripture a second line read "Love is Love."

Ethan actually reached out and touched the screen for a moment, as if he could touch those smiling people and their shocking, revelatory sign. In his mind's eye he superimposed it on his father's angry face, his father's disturbing words about deviants who deserved to be hurt. Was there anything of God or love in that?

He stared for a while longer, and read some of the text on the site, but with his dad gone and looking at pictures safe again, the memory of the drawing that had so caught his attention before started to bubble up in his mind. His cheeks flushed faintly, but he closed the tabs on theology and opened up a new one, re-typing the search that had gotten him the image the first time. He scrolled down to it again, and clicked, looking at the larger version for a long, long while, taking in every detail, his heart beating faster as he did.

Then he followed it to the website it had come from.

"Boy's Love," it read across the top, and there were more pictures, lots of them. It was some kind of website for comics about boys who loved other boys.

_Boy's love. God is love. Love is love._

Ethan swallowed. He licked his lips, and remembered the warmth of Matt's kiss. Was that love? Matt had acted like it was a sin. Was it? Or was it of God?

He made a mental note of the website's name, but didn't bookmark it. He also took a moment to clear his browser history and search terms. He didn't ordinarily do that, but tonight it seemed like a good idea. Then, tired but with his head still spinning, he headed for bed.

As he lay under the blankets with a thousand thoughts crashing through his mind, he felt like he'd stepped into another world. Just a few hours ago he'd been a boy with no interest in growing up. Now he felt like he'd grown up in ways he could never have imagined that morning. Pictures and words and ideas, new thoughts, new doubts, new hopes, all spun through him, but the thing that lingered most, the thing he kept coming back to, was still the feeling of Matt's hands, holding him pinned against the wall.


	3. Chapter 3

Several weeks later Ethan lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and the pattern of light and shadow that the cracked-open door laid there. He was wearing nothing but a light t-shirt and his underwear, and he was supposed to be sleeping, though it wasn't really that late.

His mind was still churning. He'd spent a lot of time lately lying awake, thinking. He was dozing off in school a fair bit, but he'd always gotten good grades and they weren't suffering yet.

He also spent a lot of time on the internet, reading. That time was divided more or less evenly between educating himself about sex and sexuality and delving deeper into the world of gay fiction. He'd loved the boy's love comic site, but comics were dangerous, it was too easy to be caught reading one. Text was safer, and it hadn't taken him long to turn up several different sites where he could read love stories and even explicitly sexual stories about men with other men. He'd always been a voracious reader, so it was easy to turn his attention from science fiction books to these other stories. He'd read dozens of them already.

He now knew exactly why his peers were so obsessive about girls. 

Just seeing a handsome man with a certain expression on his face, just reading in plain black and white text about the things that men might do with other men, just those tiny things were enough to make his heart pound. If that was what seeing or talking about a girl did to the other guys he knew, well no wonder that was all they wanted to do.

Something else was making his pulse race just now, though. Along with light, the cracked door let in sound, and he could hear male voices, mostly low but sometimes raised in excitement or disappointment. It was game night, which was why he'd been banished to his room early. If he stayed up he might see his father drinking, or hear a forbidden swear word, both things his mother disapproved of. She was in bed as well, with her earplugs and sleep mask firmly in place. But Ethan lay awake, hearing his father's friends talk and laugh, and one voice out of all those present stood out from the rest; Matt's voice.

He'd heard it many times before, and never thought anything of it, but now every time that deep voice spoke it sent a shiver down his spine. He thought again of that moment, of his shoulders pinned against the wall, of Matt's lips on his. Now, with images and words from dozens of stories planted firmly in his mind, it was all too easy to fantasize about what else Matt might do to him.

If the tall man were here, right now, in bed with Ethan, Ethan could just imagine Matt pinning his shoulders down to the mattress, kissing him again. He remembered the feel of Matt's body against his, the heat of it, the strength of it. He bit his lip, breathing faster, and found his hand sliding down to stroke his cock through the fabric of his briefs.

Already it was so easy to think in terms like "cock", the terms from the stories. The educational sites were mostly clinical, anatomical, the way his sex education classes had been, and didn't stick in his mind in quite the same way. They were far more informative than any class he'd ever had, though. He was thinking more about what he learned, too. He'd tuned out half of sex-ed simply because he hadn't been interested. Even if he'd known, then, that he might like men, they'd taught nothing at all about that, they'd only spoken about sex between men and women, and had spent a lot of time on STDs and pregnancy. None of that had seemed relevant to his life in any way.

The internet was much more informative, now that he knew what to look for.

And the fiction sites much, much more interesting.

He thought about the boy's love comic that had first caught his eye. He'd read the whole thing, unable to resist finding out what else went with that first stunning image. There had been a scene, right after the kiss, where the taller man had slid his hand into the pants of the smaller one, and stroked his cock. Ethan closed his eyes, tipping his head back on the pillow as he imagined it, and slid his hand inside his briefs, letting out a soft moan as he did. What would it feel like if Matt were touching him like this right now?

He stroked himself again, then sighed softly. The images in his head felt amazing. The reality was slightly less amazing. He was circumcised. He'd learned that word in sex-ed; his parents had never mentioned it to him. Not even when he'd gotten "the talk" from his dad. His more recent education had told him about masturbation, and that unlike what his dad had said it wasn't evil, it was normal, and pretty much all guys did it.

The same websites had mentioned that circumcised men usually needed lotion or lube in order to masturbate. He'd never done that before, but with an ache of need in his body and a jumble of erotic images tumbling through his mind he knew he wanted to.

Ethan pulled his hand out of his underpants and threw the covers off of him. He rose on bare feet and crept to his door, then out into the hall. His goal was the bathroom, and the bottle of lotion there. Behind him he heard Matt shout, "Fuck yes!" as the television relayed the distant cheering of a crowded basketball arena. Ethan felt himself flush, not at the forbidden curse word, but at the sudden recollection of exactly that phrase uttered in one of the stories he'd read, as a man had sex with another man. Hearing Matt say that to him in such a situation seemed like the most amazing thing possible.

He shook himself and hurried down the darkened hall, into the bathroom. He rummaged under the sink in the darkness for a moment, then found the bottle. He already had a bunch of tissues in his room, so he grabbed the lotion and slipped out the door, and nearly collided with a tall, shadowed form.

"Ethan?" The voice sent shivers down his spine. It was Matt.

Ethan clutched the lotion bottle, blushing furiously. "Uhm. Hi, Matt."

Matt's eyes flicked to the bottle, and his eyebrows went up slightly. "Having fun tonight, I see." His tone was amused, teasing even.

Ethan felt himself turn beet red. "Uhm..."

Matt, looking down at the nervous, blushing young man, suddenly licked his lips. There was something of that desire, that hunger and need in his expression, and for an instant Ethan thought he might end up pinned against the wall once more. His heart hammered at the idea, and he felt his already erect cock give a twitch.

Matt hesitated for just a moment, and Ethan held his breath. Then Matt gave a sudden shake of his head and turned away. "Enjoy yourself," he said, and there was a strange hint of regret in his voice, even though he was obviously trying to make a joke of it.

Then he stepped into the bathroom and closed the door.

Ethan hesitated in the hall, but he knew the sort of trouble he'd be in if his dad caught him kissing a guy, and he knew Matt knew that too, so after just a moment he turned and went back to his room. He shut the door all the way this time, muffling the sounds of the game night party. Then he laid down on the bed and pulled his briefs down a few inches.

A few pumps of lotion got everything ready, and he immediately started stroking himself. His heart was still racing fast from his encounter in the hall, and his mind once more began fantasizing. What if Matt had pinned him to the wall again just now? What if they'd been truly alone and he could do more?

A soft moan escaped Ethan's lips. Images from the comics and stories he read ran through his mind, but he replaced the characters with Matt and himself. Having Matt caress him, having Matt's hand instead of his own on his cock. Daring to touch Matt's in turn... He wanted all that, and more.

"Oh Matt," he moaned breathlessly, stroking faster. What would it be like to have Matt inside him? How would that feel? The stories had talked about the pleasure of it, though some had also mentioned pain. They'd said that pain could be good, though he wasn't sure he understood those parts. He knew, though, that he wanted to understand, to find out, to try everything he'd read about.

As heated fantasy surged in his mind he felt a wash of electric heat through his body, a shock of pleasure like nothing he'd ever felt before, and he came, for the first time outside of wet dreams. He gasped softly at the sensation, his whole body shuddering with it, though it was centered mostly in his cock.

Then it was past and he lay still, panting. He grabbed for the tissues to clean himself up, feeling a strange mixture of emotions. His traitorous mind suddenly summoned a vivid memory of his father telling him about how touching himself was a sin.

The other, more recent things he'd learned argued back against his father's remembered words, and the lingering pleasure of what he'd done soaked through him. It felt good. Masturbation was supposed to be a natural part of most young people's sexual development.

He sighed softly, stuffing the dirty tissues into the trash can beside his bed and flopping back on it. He stared up at the ceiling again, his mind whirling with confusion. He had arrived at certainty about one thing, though. After masturbating for the first time while moaning another guy's name, there really wasn't any doubt that he was gay. Maybe that was good and natural. Maybe it was a terrible, unforgivable sin.

Either way, though, it was definitely, inescapably, true.


	4. Chapter 4

"So, read any good books lately?" Ethan sat in the back of the library with his friend Robert. They'd both swiftly finished the research assignment they were here to do, so they were killing the rest of the period chatting.

Ethan chuckled, though his mind immediately presented the latest gay story he'd read last night. "Not really."

"No? But you read all the time. What are you doing instead, then?"

Ethan shrugged, trying not to blush. "Just reading stuff on the internet, some. There's stories there too, you know."

"What, like fanfiction?"

"Some of that, yeah."

"What's the last one you read about?"

Ethan hesitated, then said, "It's a romance story."

Rob blinked. "I didn't think you were into that kind of thing. I thought you didn't like girls?"

Ethan shrugged. "It's a good story."

"Yeah?" Rob's expression was serious, thoughtful.

"Yeah."

There was a long silence, then Rob suddenly asked, "What do you think kissing a girl is like?" His cheeks were flushed suddenly. He very much shared the "nerd" category with Ethan. He was a little chubby, and a year older than Ethan, since he hadn't been skipped ahead a grade like Ethan had, with just a hint of scruffy facial hair starting and quite a lot of acne. Ethan had been spared that particular curse so far, though he had no sign of facial hair whatsoever yet either. Neither of them was exactly what young women dreamed off.

Ethan, remembering the kiss with Matt, wondered suddenly why Matt had kissed _him_ in particular.

"I dunno," said Ethan. He added, "It's probably a lot like kissing a guy."

Rob's eyes went wide. "You've kissed a guy?"

Ethan blushed brightly, and shook his head, lying in instant self-preservation. "No. Just... I figure a kiss is a kiss, right?"

Rob was still blushing as well. "Oh geez. Maybe. I don't know." He looked at Ethan for a long time. "Do you not like girls because you like guys?"

Ethan hesitated, wanting to lie again, but Rob was his friend, and maybe he shouldn't. Maybe he could talk to Rob about some of the things he was learning, even. Rob didn't go to the same church, so maybe he wouldn't think being gay was evil. "I... Maybe."

"Woah. Really?"

Ethan shrugged silently.

"So you _have_ kissed a guy, then?"

"No." Ethan couldn't possibly talk about Matt. Everything else, maybe, but not Matt. The very idea of trying to describe that moment in the hall to anybody was impossible.

"Maybe you could... Maybe we could try it." Rob's blush got even brighter, and Ethan looked at him in surprise.

"You like guys too, then? I thought you liked girls."

"I dunno. I like girls. I like looking at girls, anyway. It's not like I've ever even touched a girl, unless you count my baby sister, and that sure as heck doesn't count. But guys aren't gross or anything, I guess? They're okay." He shrugged.

Ethan swallowed. The idea was both terrifying and fascinating. "I guess... I guess we can try it, then." He swallowed again. "Meet me in the bathroom?"

Rob looked nervous, but he nodded. "Okay."

Ethan rose. Fortunately he didn't need to ask permission to use the restroom during free study time, so he just walked out of the library and down the hall. In the restroom he went into the handicapped stall, and pushed the door shut behind him but didn't lock it. Then he waited, his pulse pounding fast. He couldn't believe he was actually going to do this.

A few minutes later he heard somebody walk in, and cracked the door to peek out. It was Rob. He opened it further and gestured, and Rob slipped into the stall with him. Ethan shut the door and latched it. Then he turned to Rob. Rob was brightly flushed and looked borderline terrified. "Okay. Okay, so... Uhm..." Rob shifted his feet, looking nervously at Ethan.

Realizing that Rob was obviously not going to actually start things, Ethan decided he'd better. He stepped in close, and put his hands on Rob's shoulders, and, tipping his head back a little, since Rob was taller, pressed his lips to Rob's.

There was something exciting in it, in the forbidden hastiness of it, in Rob's reluctance and the way Ethan was suddenly in charge of things, but mostly it was just weird and awkward. Rob stood really still, not doing anything much at all, and Ethan didn't know what else to do either, so after just a moment he stepped back.

"That was, uhm..." Rob hesitated, and Ethan couldn't keep from giggling at the disappointment in his voice.

"Not super sexy?"

"No. Maybe because you're a guy. Or maybe because we don't know what we're doing."

"Yeah. It was all awkward and dumb, which I guess figures, with a couple of nerds like us." Ethan grinned, not really meaning it as an insult. They'd both claimed the title of nerd long ago.

Rob nodded. "Yeah. Maybe if we practiced more, though?" He saw Ethan's surprised expression and said, hastily, "I mean just to practice. I'm still not sure I'm into guys, you're not sexy at all, sorry."

Ethan giggled again. "No, it's okay. Even if I am into guys, I don't think I'm into you either? We could practice, maybe, if you want to get better at it, but it's not..." He frowned trying to find the right words. "It's not what I'm looking for. You're not what I'm looking for."

"Huh. I'd ask what is, but I think we should get out of here before somebody else comes in."

"Yeah. We can talk more later." Ethan nodded and opened the door. He exited the stall just in time, somebody else came in just as Rob was stepping out. They'd come awfully close to getting caught, and that was kind of exciting, but kissing Rob hadn't been anything at all like kissing Matt.


	5. Chapter 5

Ethan sat down at the computer for another night of forbidden reading.

His dad had been using it just a moment before, and he'd left his e-mail logged in. Ethan scowled. He kept telling his dad not to do that, but no matter how often he said it was a bad idea, his dad never listened. Ethan had slid the mouse pointer up to the log out button when he happened to glance over an e-mail with "Who's bringing the beer tomorrow?" as the title. There was a list under it of people it had been sent to, and the very first name was Matthias Emerson. Matt.

Ethan's heart skipped a beat.

Rob hadn't been what he wanted. Matt, though... Matt was definitely what— _who_ —he wanted. He swallowed hard and slid the mouse pointer away from the log out button, down to the e-mail his dad had sent Matt. A few seconds later and he'd copied Matt's e-mail address. He logged out then, and into his own e-mail.

It was simplicity itself to start a new message, and put Matt's address on the appropriate line. But then Ethan halted. What could he even say? "You kissed me and I know you think it's evil but I want to do it again anyway?" That would probably go nowhere. He could try just flirting, but he'd be fighting an uphill fight. His reading had brought up the concept of pedophilia, and of the way large age gaps were usually considered bad, so he figured that Matt was dealing with a double measure of guilt, once because Ethan was a guy, and again because he was underage. Approaching him with all that baggage attached seemed impossible, how would he even go about it?

What if he could approach Matt without any baggage?

Ethan smiled, and a moment later he'd logged out of his e-mail. It took hardly any time at all to set up a new one. Though the name he first typed in "Boyslove" was already taken. He frowned, typed in "Boyslove1999" before realizing that using his birth year was probably just a little too informative, and tried "Boyslove42" That worked, and no sooner was he logged in to the new account than he pasted Matt's e-mail address in and began writing.

It was easier to compose his messages this time. Something about the anonymity felt safe. Though he still struggled over finding just the right words. He wanted to tell Matt how much he liked him, without sounding like some kind of stalker, without scaring him away, or upsetting him. It took some time, but finally he had a message he thought would do. It wasn't perfect, but if he waited to get it perfect, the underage problem would go away by the time he was done with it.

> Hey there.
> 
> You have no idea who I am, but I've seen you around, and I think you're very interesting. I don't want to come across as a creep, but I watch you whenever I see you, and I'm fascinated by you. You're strong, and amazingly good-looking, but I think perhaps you're also conflicted. I've felt that conflict too, at least a little, and I'd like to think I understand how hard it must be for you. You don't have to reply if you don't want to, but I'd like to talk to you, to get to know you more.
> 
> -A guy who admires you

With his heart beating fast he clicked the send button. He opened up another window, intending to read for a while while he waiting for a reply. He knew he might not get one right away, or at all, but he'd barely begun on the latest story he'd found when he noticed a message in the new e-mail's inbox.

> Hello, stranger.
> 
> I'm glad you admire me, that's very flattering. I don't know what to say about the rest of your message, though. I'm not sure what kind of conflict you're talking about. And I'd like to know who you are before I say anything else. I'm not saying we can't talk, but I hope you understand that it's difficult to trust strangers, and that some things require privacy.
> 
> -Matt

Ethan licked his lips, staring at the screen. Maybe he should tell Matt who he was after all. But he had a feeling it wouldn't turn out well. He frowned faintly, trying to come up with an appropriate response, then began typing.

> I'm sorry if my message was confusing. I understand your wariness, too. It's very hard to trust people. I won't say I don't trust you, but I will say that I have my own reasons for not giving a name. You'd think differently of me if you knew the face behind these words. I'm very sorry. 
> 
> We don't know each other well, if that's what you want to know. I'm not somebody close to you. I've seen you in passing, but I think we've spoken all of twice, and only briefly. I apologize for being evasive about my identity. But I won't be evasive about anything else. The "conflict" I'm talking about is the conflict that comes from being a guy who likes other guys. My admiration for you isn't platonic. Don't worry, nothing you've done in public has given away that you like men too. Maybe you don't. If you want to just tell me you're straight and tell me to go to hell, you can. I'll be disappointed, but I'll survive. If you're not, though, if you understand that conflict, maybe we could discuss it. I've been doing a lot of reading lately, about theology, and homosexuality. If that's a topic that's relevant to you, let's talk.
> 
> -your admittedly gay admirer

Ethan almost didn't send it. Maybe it was a little too blunt, a little too frank. But he didn't want to beat about the bush. He wanted Matt to know that Ethan liked him like that, and he wanted to be able to talk about it, to talk about everything he'd read, even to talk about that kiss, though he knew bringing that up would reveal who he was. But he could talk about kissing, at least. And the only way to make that conversation happen was to be honest.

He didn't get a quick reply this time. In fact he was considering logging out of the new e-mail and heading for bed when a response finally came.

> I have to say I almost just deleted your last message. It's a terrifying thought, having somebody know about such things. But it's a funny thing too, it feels safer to tell a stranger, or should I say a near-stranger? The internet is the only place where I've ever told anybody about that kind of thing. You said it, so I guess I will too. I don't know how you guessed, but yes, I'm gay. I'm an absolute pervert, truth be told. If you've seen me in person, you're probably from around here, so you know that nobody in this town would understand. And yes, it is a conflict. I've spent my whole life here, going to the same church, spending time with the same friends. All of them tell me that people like me belong in hell. 
> 
> I'm familiar with the arguments both ways, of course. I've seen people preaching acceptance and tolerance, and it's heart-warming, but sometimes it's hard to believe. I probably should just delete this and not send it, but hell, I guess I could use somebody to talk to about it, somebody who knows what it's like. A lot of the folks on the internet tell me to just leave my home, leave my church, leave my friends, and find new ones that don't hate. Some of them even say I should leave God entirely, and stop believing. Maybe you'll understand how hard it is to do that.
> 
> My roots are here, this is where I'm from, and pulling up those roots is hard. But hearing my own thoughts preached against and ranted about is hard too. Wanting the things I want is hard. Doing the things I've done... Have you done things that felt like heaven and hell all at once, stranger?
> 
> Talk to me if you have, I guess.
> 
> -Matt

Ethan felt his cheeks heating, and for the millionth time the feel of Matt's hands pinning him to the wall flashed through his mind. Heaven and hell all at once indeed. All the doubts he'd felt since then were almost tangible suddenly, and he knew exactly what Matt meant. The worst of the terrible, hateful things he'd heard about gays—about himself—had come from his own father. He couldn't just leave his dad behind, so he knew how Matt must feel, being told he should leave everything he knew.

> Heaven and Hell at once is exactly what it's like. I used to think I wasn't interested in sexual things at all. I used to just ignore the guys around me when they started talking about girls. It seemed stupid, pointless. The first time I kissed a man changed all that. It was heaven. But you're right it's Hell too. Or at least so I'm told.
> 
> Its hard to hear that from the people close to you, hard to know that if they knew what you were, they'd hate you. It's hard to think you're damned. I don't know how much I believe that, though. Some days I do. Some days I worry and feel guilty. More and more, though, I don't believe it at all. The name I picked here, boyslove, comes from comics, maybe you've read some? They can be very sweet, and very erotic too. You say you're an absolute pervert. I don't think you're the only one! But I also picked it because boys loving boys is still love. Love is love. God is love. Maybe there isn't a God, but if there is, I think maybe that people like the ones who talk about gays going to Hell understand Him less than they think. Jesus didn't say anything much about the gays. He said a lot about people who are obsessed with condemning others, though.
> 
> God is love, love is love.
> 
> Boys kissing boys can be love too. I'd like to kiss you someday, and see where that leads.
> 
> -A boy who kisses boys

He got a response quickly this time.

> It's hard to know if I'd like to kiss you or not when I don't even know what you look like. Forgive me for being shallow, and for continuing to pry, but it's a little scary, knowing you know who I am, and not knowing who you are in turn. I understand you must have a good reason to stay private, but I would like it if someday you could trust me. I'm trusting you a great deal here.
> 
> -Matt

Ethan sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. I almost wanted to tell, but he just knew that if Matt knew he was a kid, he'd distance himself. He'd already run into enough trouble from people his own age, assuming he was even younger because he was so damn short. Being treated like a baby sucked. Having Matt treat him like a baby when he wanted to woo Matt, to lure him into someday kissing again, would be the worst thing.

Thinking about the problem of Matt not being able to picture what he looked like, though, Ethan had a sudden idea. He grinned, and went looking for a particular picture. Downloading it, he attached it to the e-mail, then deleted it from his computer.

> It's not that I don't trust you. There are good reasons for me to need a little extra privacy. I know that's frustrating, really I do. I don't want to have to be mysterious. If visualization is the main problem, though, this may help. The short guy is named Kazu, the tall one is Aki. They're from a story I quite like. It also makes me think of you, just a little. You can probably guess which one is you, and which one is me.
> 
> Sadly, it's getting late, and I need to be awake in the morning. We can talk more tomorrow, though. I meant it when I said I want to get to know you. It's not just about boys kissing boys, I think you're somebody I could enjoy talking to about anything.
> 
> -Call me Kazu

He made extra certain he'd logged out of that e-mail account, and cleared his browser history again. Then, with a yawn, he headed off to bed. He was tired enough that it wasn't long before he fell asleep, but this time his last waking thought wasn't the memory of that first kiss, but the hope that there might someday be a second. 


	6. Chapter 6

"Ethan, we need to have a discussion about responsibility."

Ethan turned away from the computer, where he was merely doing homework this time, since it was before dinner, and eyed his father warily. A tiny voice in the back of his head was screaming that they'd found out that he was gay and the world was about to end. "Responsibility" didn't really jive with that, though, so he told himself to stay calm.

"Okay."

"Come away from the computer and talk to us." His father sat on the couch, and had actually turned the television off. His mother sat beside him. Ethan perched nervously on an armchair and looked between his parents.

"We've been discussing the band trip that's coming up," said his mother, and Ethan felt a wave of relief go through him. Nothing related to the band trip could be dire, the worst they could do was repeat that he couldn't go. 

"I know I initially said you couldn't go, but your grades have been very good, and your band teacher says you're one of the better players, even though you're only a freshman."

"So I can go?" asked Ethan, his eyes lighting up.

"You can go," his mother replied sternly. " _If._ "

"If?"

"If you keep your grades up," his father broke in. "If you promise to be completely responsible while you're on the trip. And if you take this and keep it on you at all times." His father pulled something out of his pocket and held it out to Ethan. Ethan took it, staring. It was a smart phone.

"It has a location finding app on it," said his mother. "You know how I worry. Being able to check my phone and see where you are will make me feel so much better."

Ethan blinked. Something in him immediately cringed, but he managed to not show it. His mother had always been very clingy, and he was used to acting like that was normal, agreeing to what she wanted, and then finding ways around it. He'd had a babysitter up until last year, which was ridiculous. He'd been fretted and fussed over sometimes until it drove him crazy, but the older he got, the more he found ways to circle around his mother's worries. It seemed like this would be another such occasion. Though... He looked at the phone again. "That's great! I've wanted a phone for ages. Most of the other kids at school have one."

"You have to be responsible with it," said his father. "No spending money on apps like I've heard about. No losing it. No getting it wet. No breaking it. No texting in class or anything like that. How you treat it will determine if you get to keep it after the trip."

"I'll be very responsible with it, I promise."

"It's also your birthday present this year. I know it's a week early, but we wanted to make sure you understand that this gift comes with conditions. It was expensive, though, so you won't be getting any other big presents."

"I understand." Ethan nodded at his dad. "Thank you."

"It's already all set up," said his mother, smiling, "and the tracking app is turned on."

Ethan smiled back, though inside he wanted to sigh in frustration. It didn't really make any difference anyway, though. He wasn't allowed to go anywhere on his own. He could catch the bus to school, and go to the library or to church, but even going to friends' houses was only allowed if his parents knew their parents, which meant people they went to church with, mostly, and he didn't much like the other boys his age from church.

They were tolerable at youth group, or when he got invited to a birthday party, but that was about it. He had a school friend over now and then, but his mother wouldn't let him shut his door, and tended to find excuses to walk down the hall and look in on him constantly, so most of his friends didn't like coming over much.

He wondered, though, if he could leverage this phone into further freedom. If his mother trusted that she knew exactly where he was, might he perhaps be allowed to visit Rob? He'd thought about trying to have more kissing practice with him, from time to time.

There was something else he needed to do first, though. So after thanking his parents again he nearly ran to his room, where he shut the door and curled up on the bed with the phone. It took a few moments to find the app he wanted and download it, but soon he had his favorite chat program installed. He grinned broadly when he logged in and saw that one particular person was also currently online.

> Kazu: Hey there. Guess who's joined the 21st Century at last and is messaging you from his shiny new smart phone?  
> AlphaOmega: Nice!  
> Kazu: It is nice. It means I can talk to you while I'm all curled up in bed. Being totally naked.  
> AlphaOmega blushes.  
> Kazu: You're so cute when you blush.  
> AlphaOmega: No, not cute! I keep telling you, not cute at all!  
> Kazu fuzzles AlphaOmega's hair.  
> Kazu: Cute!  
> AlphaOmega: Grrr. Notcute.  
> Kazu: Bet I can get you to blush more, too. I'm not naked yet, but I'm about to set down the phone and strip. And when I pick it up again, well, the phone keypad makes it so I can type one-handed. Want to guess what the other hand is going to be doing?  
> AlphaOmega blushes again.  
> Kazu laughs.  
> Kazu: Cute and sexy. I'm going to play out doing all kinds of things to you tonight, and this time I don't have to worry about the computer being in a shared room. I can just sit here, lazily stroking myself, while I make you squirm. Doesn't that sound like fun?  
> AlphaOmega: God you are evil.  
> 

Ethan giggled as he set down the phone and stripped just as he'd said, though he actually left his underwear on, and climbed under the covers. Best to not tempt fate. His mom didn't come by every five minutes when he was alone, but she also never knocked when entering, and she hadn't gone to bed quite yet.

He'd been using the chat program with Matt for some time now. He'd badgered Matt into getting it, wanting a faster back and forth than e-mail had been giving them. E-mail was good for long discussions, but bad for flirting and sexual role playing. Which had been going surprisingly well.

Maybe it was because he read a lot, and wrote a lot. He was confident in his typing, in a way it was hard to be with his body. Maybe it was because he was the one who was chasing Matt, while Matt was still just a little wary. Whatever the reason, their dynamic had turned out nothing at all like Ethan would have imagined. 

He remembered the first time they'd used the chat program.

> Kazu: Hey, you got it installed, I see. Interesting name you picked.  
> AlphaOmega: Choosing names is hard.  
> Kazu: Yeah, that's true. So anyway, I'm glad we can finally talk in real time, or close to it.  
> AlphaOmega: Yeah. I do enjoy talking to you.  
> Kazu winks at AlphaOmega.  
> Kazu: Of course the other reason I wanted you on this particular program is because it's good for role playing, too. You ever do any role playing?  
> AlphaOmega tries this action thing out and gives Kazu a look.  
> AlphaOmega: I assume you're not talking about Dungeons and Dragons.  
> Kazu: Ha! Not exactly.  
> Kazu pokes Alpha Omega in the ribs to see if he's ticklish.  
> AlphaOmega squeaks.  
> Kazu: Ha, ha, ha, that's adorable! You're cute.  
> AlphaOmega looks dignified.  
> AlphaOmega: I am not cute. I am a strong alpha male.  
> Kazu: If that's what your name is about, I can't help but notice the "omega" in there too. Don't tell me it's a reference to those horrible stories with the male pregnancy and the wolf dicks on humans?  
> AlphaOmega confesses to nothing!  
> AlphaOmega: Though if your mind went straight to those things when you heard "omega", just how many of them have you read?  
> Kazu: Too many! But maybe not as many as you. So is that kind of thing what you meant when you said you were a total pervert?  
> AlphaOmega: That's some of it, at least. There are other things.  
> Kazu: Interesting.  
> Kazu grins.  
> Kazu: I'm going to take shameless advantage of knowing that now.  
> AlphaOmega: ???  
> Kazu pounces on AlphaOmega and pins him down.  
> AlphaOmega: Uhm. Oh my.  
> Kazu nibbles AlphaOmega's ear, just a tiny little bit.  
> AlphaOmega shivers.  
> Kazu bites AlphaOmega's ear, harder.  
> AlphaOmega moans.  
> 

It was cold black and white text, just words on the screen, but then Ethan had been reading sexual stories on the screen for some time now, and knowing that there was actually somebody on the other end of this, reacting to what he was doing, was utterly thrilling. He could picture Matt actually moaning, and it was incredible. Ethan had made him do that, had made him voluntarily type in something that shameless, just with a little nibble.

What else could he get Matt to do?

The answer to that had proved to be "nearly anything." And so though all of Ethan's original fantasies had revolved around Matt taking advantage of him, pinning him down, making him do things, in the chat room at least things had turned out almost exactly the opposite. It was Ethan who'd pushed Matt to get the chat in the first place, and it was Ethan who took charge and did things to Matt within it.

Now, new phone in hand, he settled himself into bed and prepared to take shameless advantage of Matt.

> Kazu: I am evil, yes. You know you like it.  
> AlphaOmega: Before you have your evil way with me, though, I have to ask if I can have your phone number. You've said I can't know who you are, but could I at least hear your voice?  
> Kazu: ...damn. I'm so sorry, but the answer still has to be no.  
> AlphaOmega: You keep insisting you're not somebody I know well. How would hearing your voice give away who you are?  
> Kazu: You wouldn't recognize it, but it would still give away too much, I'm sorry.  
> AlphaOmega: What, are you secretly a woman? That wouldn't ruin things, you know. I prefer men, but I am bisexual. I could enjoy having evil things done to me by a gal rather than a guy.  
> Kazu laughs.  
> Kazu: I think I read a manga once with that plot. But no, that's not it. Although I suppose I shouldn't confirm or deny anything, since it'd make it pretty obvious if you ever guess right. But I'm definitely male. We've talked a lot about the experience of being a gay man. That wasn't me lying to you.   
> Kazu: I've never lied to you.  
> AlphaOmega: Just refused to tell me the truth.  
> Kazu: I'm sorry. Do you want me to leave you alone tonight?  
> AlphaOmega sighs.  
> AlphaOmega: No, I don't. It's just hard not to worry about your secret, sometimes. It's hard not to imagine awful things. I know you well enough to trust you by now, but still...  
> Kazu: I understand.  
> Kazu wraps his arms around AlphaOmega and hugs him tightly.  
> Kazu: I never want to hurt you. I just want to take care of you.  
> AlphaOmega sighs and leans into the embrace.  
> Kazu: And do totally indecent things to you.  
> AlphaOmega smiles and kisses Kazu on the cheek.  
> Kazu kisses back, and definitely not on the cheek.  
> 

The rest of the night went more or less exactly as Ethan had hoped, and it was quite some time later when he cleaned up after himself, turned off his phone, and put his head on the pillow to sleep. He drifted off content and satisfied. Things weren't perfect, but they were going pretty good all the same. 


	7. Chapter 7

"It's great that your mom finally let you out of the house." Rob, sitting on his bed, grinned at Ethan.

Ethan, perched beside him, grinned back. "Yeah. Though honestly the phone-tracking app thing is super creepy. Knowing that she can check in on where I am at any time... Ugh."

"Big Mother is watching," said Rob.

Ethan laughed. "No kidding. But at least she can't actually spy on me with it, so as long as your mom knocks before coming in, we've got some privacy."

"Yeah, speaking of which..." Rob shifted. "Uhm."

Ethan chuckled. "You want kissing practice again?"

"Maybe, though not like... I mean... It's not about you. There's this girl..."

"Oh? Tell me!"

"Her name's Megan, she's in a couple of my classes, I'm sure you've seen her."

"The name doesn't ring a bell, but I'm sure I have."

"We've been talking more lately, and I asked her out yesterday, and she said yes! But now I'm so nervous. We're going to have an actual date next week. What if she wants to kiss me? I want to kiss her, but now I know that I'm bad at it!"

"Ah. So you want to practice so you can give a better kiss to your girl, hmm?" Ethan was grinning teasingly.

"Yeah. That's probably dumb, sorry. And I know you probably don't want to."

Ethan thought about Matt, and about all the things they'd done in the chat room. He knew exactly how to make Matt moan, except, of course, that he had no idea how to do most of those things in person. A little practice sounded great. Though he was not going to do most of what he did to Matt in the virtual world with Rob, that'd be a bit much. But at least knowing how to kiss... Yes.

"It's not dumb. I'd like to be better at kissing too, for...somebody, someday."

Rob gave him a look. "Is that a specific somebody? You got a guy you like?"

Ethan felt himself blushing, but he nodded. "Yeah."

"You going to ask him out?"

"I wish." Ethan sighed. "We'd get in a lot of trouble, though. My dad would murder me, to start with. He'd be in trouble too. So we can't. He doesn't even know I like him."

"That sucks."

"It does, yeah. But someday I think it can happen. So for now, practice is a good idea."

"Okay then. Uhm." Rob was blushing, looking nervous and uncomfortable.

Ethan scooted closer to him, so that their legs were touching, and turned to him. He thought of all the images from comics he'd read. They probably wouldn't translate perfectly to reality, but they were a place to start. So he reached out, and put his hand on Rob's cheek, pulling his head around just a bit more, so they were facing each other directly as he leaned in. He tilted his own head slightly, and pressed his lips to Rob's. This time he didn't just push them there without moving them, he made a gentle motion, just using the tip of his tongue as well, and then pulled back.

Rob's cheeks were brightly flushed, and he looked at Ethan with a surprised expression. "That was...different from last time."

"I've been thinking about how to do it better," said Ethan with a smile.

"You did." Rob licked his lips.

"Let me keep trying things, then," said Ethan. He slid his hand around to the back of Rob's head and pulled him in, kissing him more forcefully, and this time he pushed his tongue between Rob's lips. Rob made a tiny, muffled sound of surprise. Ethan ran his tongue over Rob's tongue, and it was weird, but there was also something good about it.

He pulled back again after just a moment, and looked at Rob.

"Wow."

Ethan chuckled. "I'm doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'd say you are. It's kinda weird, but...definitely okay."

"Why don't you try taking the lead, then? If you're going to kiss this girl of yours, usually the guy is expected to take charge and start the kiss. So you can't just practice me kissing you, you've gotta kiss me."

"Okay. I guess. Uh..."

"Just do the same things I did. I'm sure you can."

"Right." Rob reached out to Ethan and cupped his cheek. Ethan could feel that his hand was trembling ever so slightly. But Rob's fingers managed to nudge his head around and tip it up, and Rob's lips met his, moving slightly against them, and it was still a little awkward and a little weird, but not bad at all.

He smiled at Rob when Rob pulled back. "That was nice."

"Oh geez." Rob blushed more.

"It was. I mean, not perfect, but nice."

"Shall I try the thing with, uhm, tongue?"

"Yeah." Ethan kept smiling. Rob slid his hand around the back of Ethan's head and pulled him in again. He pushed his lips harder against Ethan's, and Ethan parted his for Rob's tongue, which pushed against him, but didn't really slip inside. Rob pulled back after just a second.

"Ah damn. My stupid tongue."

"Huh?"

"I have a tongue tie. My mom says she feels bad, because they should have had it cut when I was a baby, but now it'd be an actual surgery, because it's harder to do on older kids or something." Rob sighed, then stuck his tongue out, except he didn't really, it just kinda sat on his lip, not sticking out any further than that. "See?" he said. "I can't stick my tongue out hardly at all."

"That's weird."

"It's really annoying, is what it is. I can't kiss!"

"You can. Just not deep Frenching."

"Yeah, but...don't girls want that?"

"Eventually, maybe." Ethan considered. "At first that first kinda kiss, without tongue, is what you want to do. It's creepy to try a French kiss right away. When it gets to where you want to be more steamy, though, there are other things you can do. You can tell her about the tongue tie, for one thing, and ask her to kiss you. She might like that, I bet some girls do. And you can also try other stuff that gets people worked up."

"Like?" Rob's expression was dubious.

Feeling a streak of the same evil urge that made it so much fun to toy with Matt online, Ethan said, "Why don't I show you?" He leaned in and kissed Rob again, firmly this time, but without tongue. He slid his arms around Rob too, holding him, and then broke off the kiss to plant one on his cheek, and then bit his ear. He was soft, just taking Rob's earlobe between his teeth and nipping lightly, but Rob sucked in a startled breath all the same. Ethan nipped again, harder, and Rob made a confused little sound, an almost-moan, almost-whimper. Ethan chuckled softly and sat back again. "See?"

"Oh geez." Rob was breathing fast, and his cheeks were bright red. "Girls like that?"

"Did you like it?" Ethan grinned.

"Uhm. Yeah."

"I think girls will too. So you should try doing it."

"How are you suddenly so good at this stuff?"

Ethan shrugged. "I read a lot. Lately I've been reading romances and things with kissing in. And sex, sometimes. I'm sure there's lots of stuff in the stories that's wrong, I know how much science is really dumb and wrong in a lot of science-fiction, and I'm sure this is at least as bad, but it gives me ideas to try."

"Huh. I guess maybe I should be reading romance stories too, then."

"I can link you to some if you like. Later. Now, I think you need to practice your making out skills. Be confident. Be in charge. Like... Pay attention, if you're kissing and girl and she's all pulling away and going stiff, then stop. Don't just carry on anyway. But you gotta be in charge, you gotta just do stuff, and not be nervous about it."

"Right." Rob took a deep breath. "Right." He looked at Ethan, and took another breath, then put his arms around Ethan, who turned more fully towards Rob. Rob kissed him, fairly hard, lips pressing almost roughly, and Ethan felt a touch of tongue, even if it couldn't push into his mouth. Then Rob was nuzzling back along his cheek to bite at his ear. His first nip was sharp, and the next was actually painful. Ethan let out a shocked gasp, but his pulse was suddenly pounding, and in a single instant he knew what his role-playing with Matt hadn't been able to make fully clear, he knew exactly how pain could be erotic and arousing.

Then Rob nipped at the side of his neck too, and Ethan couldn't keep from letting out a moan. Rob seemed to have gained sudden confidence, and to want to try out new things. Indeed a moment later he pushed Ethan back onto the bed, leaning over him, their bodies pressing together, and nipped his neck again, hard enough to hurt.

Ethan's arms went around Rob and he moaned again, feeling his body tremble. This was far better than he'd thought it could be, given that he wasn't especially into Rob. But Rob was doing things Ethan very much did like, things he'd typed out often, and read about even more often, and now he was actually, physically being pinned down and teased, and it was amazing. He was aware that he was getting hard, and felt himself flushing, knowing that with Rob on top of him like he was now, there was no way he couldn't feel Ethan's reaction.

Rob let go and pulled back suddenly, and his own cheeks were bright red. "Oh geez. Uhm. Sorry if that was too much."

Ethan sat back up and scooted away from Rob just a bit, pulling in his scattered wits and trying to calm his rapid breathing. "Yeah, I think it was. I mean, in a good way, you did exactly the right thing with being all dominant and in charge. That was good. But you're not...who I want to be doing that stuff to me." Ethan looked away.

"Yeah. I think we've done enough practicing." He giggled suddenly. "I don't want to cheat on Megan before we've even been on a date."

Ethan laughed. "Yeah, same here."

"Thanks, though." Rob's expression turned serious. "And... That really was good. Maybe if things don't work out with Megan and with your guy, I wouldn't mind trying to make things work with you."

"I, uhm..." Ethan looked at Rob. On the one hand, he was a chubby little nerd with bad skin. And he wasn't Matt. But on the other, he was smart, and nice, and apparently a pretty good kisser once he got over being nervous about it. "You're welcome," he finally said. "It's going to be a long time before I know if things work out with my guy or not. But if not... Yeah, maybe we could try."


	8. Chapter 8

Ethan plopped down at the computer and logged into his alternate e-mail account almost idly. He spent more time on his phone these days, he could access everything there and it was much more secure from parental prying, but tonight he had some homework, and typing essays was one thing that was still much easier to do with a conventional keyboard.

He was a sophomore now, and had turned fifteen only a few weeks ago. He'd been chatting with Matt for more than a year and their relationship seemed to be going very well.

He hadn't had kissing practice with Rob again, though he and Megan had broken up a few months ago. But Rob's increased confidence was doing him good, and he was already dating another girl.

Ethan's mom still insisted he carry his phone everywhere, and constantly checked in with the tracking app, but that had led to a lot more freedom to go where he wanted, so long as he didn't mind his mom knowing. He'd even had a sleepover with Rob and gone on another school trip after the first band trip.

His grades were nearly perfect, his homework took up time but was seldom more than mildly challenging. He was actually kind of enjoying the essay he was currently half way through. It was from his civics class, and was an exercise in multiculturalism. He'd picked Hindu art as a topic, on a whim, after seeing a weird picture of one of their multi-armed gods, and was really enjoying researching such an all-new subject. 

Life was good. 

His inbox was usually pretty empty, but today there was an e-mail from Matt in it. Ethan frowned faintly at it. "The worry has finally grown too much" was the title. Ethan felt his stomach sinking suddenly. Maybe life wasn't so good after all. He clicked on it and read.

> Kazu, I know that whatever your secret is, it's very deep, and very important to you. I know that you've said time and time again that your reasons for not telling me are good ones. But. I'm very sorry. I don't want to make this an ultimatum, but it kind of has to be. Because I'm starting to fall for you, Kazu. But Kazu is all I can call you. I don't even know your name, I've never seen your face or heard your voice. How can I be in love with somebody I don't even know? I have to hold back. I have to not care too much, or too deeply, because I can't fall for somebody I can never touch. Do you understand?
> 
> And there's the other part too, the part where I do trust you, because you've proved time and time again that I can, but... There's a power imbalance here. No matter how much I trust you, I also know that you could out me, maybe even somehow on accident, and ruin my life. And I don't even know your _name!_ Do you understand what that's like for me? It's great to play with power games, to play Alpha and Omega, but it's not so great when those power games are so real. There is a terrible imbalance between us. You hold me in your hand, and I know you would never hurt me on purpose, but I just can't do this any more. I can't stay this way, trying to hold back my heart, trying to understand something you refuse to explain. I can't.
> 
> So either you tell me who you really are, or I need to stop talking to you.
> 
> I'm very, very sorry.
> 
> -With too much love, Matt

Ethan stared at the screen, stunned. Then he put his head in his hands.

"Ethan? Something wrong?" His father had turned away from the television and was looking over at Ethan, who swiftly clicked back to the word processor.

"This essay is just kicking my butt, Dad. It's a difficult one. But I'm sure I'll get through it."

"I'm sure you will, son. You're a smart kid."

Ethan smiled until his dad looked back at the television, then sighed and turned back to the computer. 

A smart kid. But just a kid. At least he'd made it all the way to fifteen, that was somehow better than if he'd still been thirteen, like when all this began. But he was going to have to out himself to Matt. Either that or just give up on him entirely, and he couldn't do that. Not without even trying.

His stomach was tied in a terrible knot of fear, but he started typing his reply.

> I am so, so sorry that I've had to hide from you all this time. Really I am. But I guess you're right. I can't stay behind this screen forever. We need to meet in person. There's a park at Chambers and 14th Street, you know it? It has a bench that's way at the far end, with trees around it, that's pretty private. I can be there in about twenty minutes, if you're free right now.
> 
> -Kazu, who does love you too

He hesitated over the closing line for some time, removing the part about love, putting it back, typing in "Ethan" instead of "Kazu," but in the end he put it just the way he'd typed it at first, then hit send.

It was barely a minute later when he got a reply. Just one short line.

> I'll be there.
> 
> -Matt

Ethan swallowed hard. This was really going to happen. He logged out of the e-mail program, and closed the half-finished essay as well. He rose, feeling almost dizzy, like he might faint.

"Dad? My brain isn't working, I need a break. I'm going to go take a walk down to the park. I'll be back in time for dinner."

"Okay son." His father didn't even turn away from the television this time. His mother was in the kitchen and didn't see him going by. Ethan grabbed his jacket and went out the front door. The park was just a few blocks away, so he got there in considerably less than twenty minutes. He knew where Matt lived, and even with a car he'd take longer to arrive. So Ethan sat down on the bench and waited.

Distantly he could hear the sound of kids playing. At this end of the park he couldn't see the playground, but happy, childish voices came to his ears, faintly. Children. He looked down at his hands and sighed. They were small, with slender fingers. He'd landed on playing trumpet because his first love, piano, was impossible to fully master with such small hands. He was still short for his age too. He hadn't even reached five feet, and pretty much all the other guys at school—and half the girls—were taller than he was. He looked like a child.

Matt wasn't going to want to have anything to do with him. He was about to get rejected. There was no way a grown man could want somebody like him.

_Then why did he kiss you in the first place?_

Ethan sighed softly. He suspected the answer to that wasn't going to help either. They'd talked about—and played with—a lot of kinks, but Matt had always been a little reticent about the full nature of his interests. Ethan hadn't pried. Asking if Matt liked kids seemed to be both too harsh on Matt, and too likely to out Ethan. Yet if Matt was a pedophile, that wouldn't mean he'd want to have an actual relationship with Ethan. Matt had trouble enough with the shame of being gay. He wasn't likely to embrace the much deeper shame of liking a child. So it was hopeless.

As Ethan spotted Matt's tall form coming along the path amid the trees, though, he felt his heart jump, and he knew he couldn't just give up. He had to try to make this work, somehow. Because what he'd put at the end of that last message was true, because he did love Matt.

He watched Matt approach, taking in everything about him. Matt really was an unbelievably handsome man. He was so many other things too. Thoughtful, tender, caring, smart, and sometimes vulnerable, or even downright cute. Ethan felt like his heart might break at the thought of losing all that.

"Hey there," he called out as Matt approached.

Matt looked puzzled, looking around. "Hi Ethan. What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to meet someone." Ethan felt his pulse pounding in fear, his stomach tying itself in absolute knots. He almost thought he might throw up. But he had to do this.

Matt halted in front of the bench and looked at Ethan, his face a study in confusion and conflict. He had to have already guessed what was going on, but he was no doubt thinking that it was impossible.

"I imagine you're here to meet someone too, AlphaOmega."

He saw Matt actually stagger, and he stared at Ethan with an expression of pure, stunned shock. " _You're_ Kazu?"

Ethan nodded. "Yes."

"Oh god." Matt's face went absolutely white and he swayed slightly.

"Sit down," said Ethan, patting the bench. "Let's talk about it."

Matt dropped onto the bench like his legs had failed him. "I... God. I don't even know what to say."

"I hope you can understand why I didn't want you to know."

Matt put his face in his hands and sighed. "Yeah. God. All this time, the person who's been effortlessly pushing all my buttons has been a kid." He was shivering slightly, despite the jacket he wore and the relatively mild spring air. "I... How old are you?"

"Fifteen," said Ethan simply.

Matt lifted his head out of his hands and looked over at him. "That's better than I'd thought," he said. Then he added, "Uhm, I'm sorry. I don't meant to imply... I mean... God, I don't even know. Sorry."

Ethan couldn't keep the small smile from quirking up the corners of his mouth. "You're cute when you're flustered in person too, it seems."

"Ohgod." Matt's put one hand over his mouth, and he blushed furiously. "You really are Kazu."

Ethan chuckled, suddenly feeling better. Maybe this wouldn't work out. Maybe Matt would dump him. But maybe not. He was still the same person Ethan had been playing with all this time, and Ethan knew pretty well what made Matt tick online. He just had to figure out how to translate that into real life.

"It's fine, Matt. Really it is. I know this must be a shock to you, and if you don't want to see me any more, I'll completely understand. I'm still the same person I've always been, though."

"How can you be so calm?"

Ethan shook his head, still smiling a little. "I'm not, really. I nearly threw up on my way over here. But what else am I going to do? I am who I am. I can't magically make myself older. We'll either find a way to make this work or we won't. Freaking out won't help."

"I can't keep from freaking out. This is... I don't even know how to feel. I expected anything but this. You don't act like a child!" He blushed again. "God, you definitely don't act like a child."

Ethan smiled wryly. "You know there's a difference between teenagers and children, right? I'm not a _child_. Even if I do look young for my age. I've been reading above my grade level since I was six, though. I started in on the adult section of the library when I was eleven. I had to get a step stool to reach the top shelves. In text it's very easy for me act like—to feel like—an adult." He reached out and touched Matt's knee, very lightly. "I'm working on growing up outside of text, but some parts of that are going to take time, that's all."

Matt sighed, softly, deeply, and set his hand tentatively over Ethan's. "I don't know what to do. I... You..." He halted, and a shudder went through him. Then, his voice almost a whisper, he said, "The horrible thing is that on one level the way you look is...better than I'd imagined you." He licked his lips. "I... I don't know how to explain."

"You're attracted to kids," said Ethan, gently.

Matt shuddered again. "Yes. Not... Not to really little children. But boys, about eleven or twelve. Just... Just when they're still innocent. I'm so sorry."

"What are you sorry for? We've talked about this before, with kink, with strange fetishes. Sometimes you just like what you like and it can't be helped. It's how you choose to act on it that matters."

Matt turned away from him, pulling his hand away, scooting further away on the bench. "I _have_ acted on it, though. You should know that. You have to know that! What I did to you..."

"You kissed me. I remember it very vividly, yes. It was my first kiss. I've had others, but yours was still the best."

Matt looked back at him, blinking. "What?"

Ethan chuckled softly. "I know, I'm supposed to be traumatized, I guess. But I'm not. I liked you kissing me. I liked it quite a lot."

"But that doesn't... I mean, what I did was still wrong. Grown men shouldn't go around kissing little boys."

Ethan sighed. He felt a deep sorrow at how much pain he could hear in Matt's voice. He wished he could just wash that pain away. "I won't try to tell you it was right. But you know how they say that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions? I think the reverse is true too. People can do bad, and have it come out to the good. What you did was wrong, sure. But for me it came out for the good."

"I don't know if I can believe that. Just because you think it was okay..."

"It's true. Do you remember, in one of my first e-mails, how I said I used to think that I just wasn't interested in sexual things? If I'd known the word 'asexual' back then I'd have thought it applied to me. Women were uninteresting and men had never crossed my mind. I wasn't interested in growing up, either. I was trying to ignore puberty and cling to childhood. I don't think that's healthy. I don't think refusing to grow up is good. I told you that the first time I kissed a man, it changed everything. It did. And the man was you." He put his hand back on Matt's knee, squeezing gently. "It's my fondest wish that someday I can kiss you again."

"God, Kazu... Ethan. I want to kiss you too, but I don't think I should."

"Why not? Do you think you'll be taking advantage of me?"

"I... Maybe..."

Ethan grinned suddenly. "I don't think my cute little omega could possibly take advantage of me."

Matt flushed instantly, brightly. "Ohgod."

"You keep saying that. It's adorable. Seeing you flustered in person is even better than online." Ethan grinned more and scooted a little closer to Matt.

Matt glanced around, but they were still alone, surrounded by trees and the little path that wound around them. He licked his lips, looking down at Ethan. Ethan tucked one leg under him, lifting himself up a little, and turned towards Matt. "You don't have to kiss me if you don't want to," he said softly. He tilted his head back, moving closer. Matt tipped his down, drawing closer as well. "But I assure you, you're not taking advantage of me if you do. You're just giving me the thing I want most in all the world."

Their lips were close now, close enough that Ethan could feel Matt's warm breath. "I'm probably damning myself to Hell at least twice over," murmured Matt, and then he leaned in that final inch and was kissing Ethan. It was soft at first, almost hesitant. Matt slid his arms around Ethan, but his touch was hesitant too, his fingers just brushing along Ethan's back.

Ethan pressed his lips more tightly to Matt's, and his own arms enfolded him firmly. He deepened the kiss, pressing his tongue between Matt's lips, feeling a little awkward, and a little daring, but very eager, and surprisingly confident. He'd typed out doing this a thousand times. Doing it for real was different, yet he heard the little catch of breath, the little gasp that Matt sometimes typed when Ethan kissed him aggressively, and it was even better than seeing the words. Everything about it was better.

Matt's hands gained confidence, stroking down Ethan's back in a firm caress, and Ethan lifted one of his own, grabbing Matt by his ponytail, holding him in the kiss. Matt's eyes went wide in surprise, and his whole body stiffened for a moment, then his eyes slid closed and he melted into it, kissing with increasingly heated passion, his tongue twisting with Ethan's as Ethan continued to kiss him deeply.

It was Ethan who finally pulled back. "I would love to do this forever," he said softly, intensely. "I would love to do even more. I want to do everything and anything to you. But not here."

Matt glanced around, his face flushed, his breathing fast. "Heh. No, not here." He let go of Ethan and sat back on the bench, closing his eyes for a moment, apparently trying to calm himself.

Ethan smiled. That had been so very like what he'd fantasized about, so very like the role-playing they'd done, yet it had also been infinitely better. He had a feeling that he would never quite be content with online kisses again.

He heard Matt sigh softly, and it wasn't a terribly happy sound.

"Matt?"

"I'm sorry. That was wonderful. But..."

When Matt didn't continue, Ethan said gently, "But?"

"This isn't...comfortable for me."

"I understand," said Ethan, a little sadly. "I won't ask for more from you."

"I... I'm so sorry. I wish I could just dive into this whole-heartedly. I'm such a fool."

"No, you're not. It's okay. I mean it when I say I understand. I know this is hard for you."

Matt sighed, and leaned back against the bench. He tipped his head back, his eyes closing. "I used to think, once, that I'd always be alone. That a...a sick freak like me, a pedophile and a pervert, would never find anyone, man or woman. I'd resigned myself to that. Then I met Kazu. I met you. And you seemed so _perfect_. We could talk for hours. You understood me the way no one else ever has. You matched my every kink, except the one, and I was starting to think that if I could just get past your mysterious secret, that I could trust you enough to tell you that final thing. I even had some hope that since you'd been so good, so understanding, so compassionate about all my other desires, you might not even hate me for it." He shook his head ruefully.

"I tried to imagine what your secret might be. I thought you must be... I don't know. Ugly. Disabled maybe. Or a woman, despite you denying it. I never pictured that you'd be the victim of my own shameful secret, of my own worst desire. I don't know how to think about this, or how to feel. Are we perfectly matched by some kind of destiny? Are you some perfect demon of temptation that I need to thrust from me? Or are you a victim, and the way you are because what I did to you warped you into it?"

Ethan had the sudden urge to roll his eyes, despite how serious Matt was being. "Matt, you kissed me _once_ , for all of five seconds. Yes that had some impact, but just because it put the idea of guys kissing other guys in my head. And the idea of pursuing you. Everything else that happened after was pretty normal and pretty natural, I think."

"But..."

"Nope. I'm fine. You're fine too, Matt. Don't call yourself sick. I don't like hearing you put yourself down like that."

"It's true, though." Matt's voice was low, bitter. "I molested a little boy, for fuck's sake. I know what that makes me."

"Molested, huh? Do you mean me? Because if so, I'd argue with that characterization. Or have you touched somebody else, then?"

"I... Not for a long time. Years and years. The last time before you was, well, when I was not too much older than you are now." He sighed. "I tried for a long time to not be around boys at all. I was doing so well for so long, I thought a youth group basketball game would be harmless. I wouldn't be alone with anyone, after all, so it would be safe. And then you followed me into the hall..." A faint shudder went through him.

"Is that why me? Just because I was the first kid to be alone with you in years?"

Matt looked away from Ethan. "Yes," he said softly, sadly.

Ethan sighed. "I suppose I could wish that it was because of something about me. But this, here and now, is, isn't it? You wouldn't have cared about my secret, it wouldn't have mattered if you didn't...really like me." He stumbled over saying "love", not wanting to push such a weighted word on Matt.

"I do like you! I'm just...worried, now. Conflicted. I don't know."

"I won't push you," said Ethan.

Matt gave him a somewhat wild-eyed look and laughed suddenly, a laugh that had a note of hysteria in it. "Oh god. _You_ won't push _me!_ I came here today worried about the power imbalance, about how much you could hurt me, and now I find that it swings the other way. And then you say you won't push me!"

Ethan suddenly grinned. "It swings the other way you say? Just because you're older, I suppose? But Matt, I don't think you could do _this_ to me." He was up on his knees on the bench, putting himself just a bit higher than Matt, and his hand went to Matt's throat, one finger drawing along it, the nail biting into his skin in a throat-cutting gesture. Matt froze, going completely still except for the frantic heaving of his chest as he panted, his breath suddenly coming in short, shuddering gasps. Ethan caressed his neck, over the spot where he'd just mimed cutting it, in echo of some of the more intense scenes they'd done online, and his grin grew even wider. "See? The power is all with me, Matt." Then he let go and sat back on his heels. "So no, I won't push you."

"Oh, _god_." Matt's expression was stunned, his breath still rapid, and Ethan could see that there was a bulge in his pants.

Ethan chuckled. "If I don't head home soon I'll have my mother coming out here to get me, which would be all kinds of awkward. But think about what I just did. If you're worried about getting outed, don't be. I would never do that, and our power is equal there now, you could out me just as easily. But if you're worried about taking advantage of me, worry even less, because _you_ aren't the one who can take shameless advantage here, _I_ am. As I said, though, I won't push you. If you need some time to think about this, you can have it. When you're ready to see me again, the chat room and my e-mail are both always there."

He leaned in and kissed Matt on the cheek, then got down off the bench. "Hopefully I'll see you around, omega," and he walked away without looking back.

His heart was absolutely pounding, a dizzying rush of adrenaline going through him, and part of him couldn't believe he'd just done that. He'd never done anything like it. He never would have expected that he could have the confidence to do something that drastic, that dramatic. Yet from another point of view he'd been doing things like that on a regular basis for the past year. It was only doing it in person that differed. It was scarier in person, and more intense, yet Matt's expression had made it pretty clear that it was every bit as effective as it had been online, and Ethan walked home with high hopes that Matt wouldn't be able to just stop talking to him.

After all, he knew himself how hard it was to give up something that intense. He'd been unable to give up on kissing Matt again, and after a year and a half, he'd finally gotten exactly that, and more. He felt a happy smile settling on his face as he remembered that second kiss. It was utterly unlike the first, but it was good, very good indeed.

Now if only Matt would have the sense to accept that he wasn't hurting Ethan, then perhaps someday soon they could do more than just kiss.


	9. Chapter 9

> AlphaOmega: So. Uh. Hi.  
>  Kazu pounces on AlphaOmega and hugs tight.  
>  Kazu: I'm so glad you're here.

Ethan lay curled up in bed, the only light the screen of his phone. He'd been about to go to sleep, it was nearly midnight, but then he'd heard the soft chime of his chat program, and he'd felt his heart leap in hope. Hope that was not denied, for it was indeed Matt. Ethan nearly laughed, then grinned wickedly to himself. Matt had barely been able to stay away a few hours. Ethan had him. There was no way he was ever going to escape.

> AlphaOmega: Yeah, well... I'm glad to be here. Just... I hope you understand if things are a bit strange for a while. Knowing that you're the teenage son of one of my best friends is pretty damn weird, you know.  
>  Kazu: I know. Heck, you're going to be here day after tomorrow, for that March Madness party, aren't you?  
>  AlphOmega: Oh, hell. Yes. That's going to be awkward.  
>  Kazu: I'll stay in my room. I don't want to embarrass you in front of Dad. Or give him any ideas. Given how he is with gays... Honestly I'm surprised you guys are friends.  
>  AlphaOmega: There are days when I want to smack him upside the head about that. But there are days when I'm afraid he's right.  
>  Kazu: Yeah, I know what you mean. He's not right though. Believe that. You're not evil. You're not any more a sinner than anyone is.  
>  AlphaOmega: I guess.  
>  Kazu hugs AlphaOmega tightly, and strokes his hair.  
>  Kazu: Don't feel bad. Please. I want you to be happy.  
>  AlphaOmega tucks his head under Kazu's chin and sighs.  
>  AlphaOmega: God this feels so weird. I know you're tiny now. But I always liked doing this...  
>  Kazu: Hey, that's the nice thing about virtual reality. I can be as tall as I like.  
>  Kazu wraps himself around AlphaOmega and cuddles.  
>  AlphaOmega sighs and cuddles too.  
>  AlphaOmega: Thank you.  
>  Kazu kisses the top of AlphaOmega's head.  
>  Kazu: I'll take care of you. I'll keep you safe. I'll be here for you.  
>  AlphaOmega sighs softly, nuzzling against Kazu.  
>  AlphaOmega: I just keep going over and over and over this in my mind. I worry so much that I've hurt you somehow.  
>  Kazu: Never.  
>  Kazu nibbles the back of AlphaOmega's neck.  
>  Kazu: If anything you should be worrying about what I'm going to do with you.  
>  AlphaOmega shivers.  
>  AlphaOmega: Uhm.  
>  Kazu chuckles evilly.  
>  Kazu: I have a terrible urge to show you exactly how deeply in my power you still are.  
>  AlphaOmega: Oh my.  
>  Kazu bites the back of AlphaOmega's neck, hard.  
>  AlphaOmega moans.  
>  Kazu: I'm going to use you tonight.  
>  Kazu slips his hand down and gropes AlphaOmega roughly.  
>  Kazu: I'm going to remind you that you're mine. I'm going to make you forget all about your worries about hurting me, and show you what you really need to fear: how much _I'm_ going to hurt _you_. How much I'm going to _enjoy_ hurting you. How does that sound?  
>  AlphaOmega: Ohgod.

It was quite a long time later when Ethan switched off his phone and curled up in bed with a sigh. He hadn't masturbated this time. He hadn't even gotten all that aroused. As he'd said, what he'd just done to Matt hadn't really been about sex, it had been about proving that he was still in charge, that he was the one who could make Matt do things.

He had, too. He'd pushed things into extreme territory tonight, and Matt had eagerly responded to every single order he was given. And when they'd finished, and had cuddled together in their virtual space, Matt had thanked him again.

Ethan smiled, remembering it. He was going to keep doing that kind of thing until Matt finally accepted that he wasn't a predator, and that he wasn't taking advantage of Ethan. It might take a while, but then it was hardly an unpleasant method of persuasion.


	10. Chapter 10

"Okay. It should stay put until you turn it off. Do I want to know where you're actually going to be?" Rob gave Ethan an amused look.

Ethan could feel his cheeks heating slightly as he took the phone back from his friend. "You probably shouldn't know. But thank you, seriously."

"You're welcome. Your mom is downright creepy, so I'm happy to help you avoid her all-seeing eye."

"Hah. Yeah." Ethan smiled, tucking his phone—which would report he was at Rob's house until he turned off the spoofing app—back into his pocket. He'd considered just leaving the phone at Rob's in the past, but if his mother called and he couldn't answer, he'd be in a world of trouble. This way he could still pick up the phone without giving away the game.

It was a Saturday, just past noon, on a clear, pleasant day in early October. It had been roughly seven months since Ethan had met Matt at the park, and they hadn't seen each other except in passing, in places where they had to pretend they hardly knew each other. It was excruciating, and Ethan was half-mad with frustration. As fun as toying with Matt in the chat room was, he would take holding him for a few minutes in reality over endless wild sex online.

Ethan grinned, anticipating doing just that, as he trotted eagerly down the street. Matt's home was a little too far to walk to, unlike Rob's, so Matt would be picking him up a few blocks away. And indeed when he reached the prearranged spot he found Matt's car already parked there. Ethan climbed in quickly. 

"Hi there." Matt smiled a little nervously and started the car.

"Hi." Ethan smiled back and buckled his seatbelt. He almost wanted to pounce on Matt then and there, but the car was still too public. Best to wait.

The drive wasn't long, only about fifteen minutes, and soon they were stepping in the door of Matt's apartment.

It wasn't much of a place, really. A studio apartment, mostly just one room, with a kind of kitchen alcove and a small bathroom off of that. A table with three chairs was pushed up against the wall by the kitchen, and a desk with a computer on it was on the opposite wall, with most of the space in between taken up by a bed.

"Here we are," said Matt, and his voice and expression were both just a little bit shaky.

Ethan squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Yes. It's going to be wonderful. And I promise I'll be gentle," he added with a little wink.

Matt laughed at that, though the laugh was also a little shaky. "God, this is so surreal."

"Yeah." Ethan dropped down to sit on the edge of the bed. He looked up at Matt and said, commandingly, "Come over here."

Matt looked at him for a moment, then said, "Yes, sir," softly. He sat on the floor beside the bed and put his head in Ethan's lap with a soft sigh.

Ethan stroked his hair. "Perfect," he murmured, smiling down at Matt. "Just perfect. I could be happy spending all day just doing this."

"I'm glad," was Matt's quiet reply. "This is still difficult for me. I don't know how much more I'm comfortable doing. I don't think I could...could...could go all the way with you. I'm sorry."

Ethan bent and kissed his head. "Don't be sorry. It's fine."

"Will it still be fine after you've been waiting a year, or two, or more? You're only fifteen, and I'm not sure..."

"You think you might want to wait until it's legal?"

Matt sighed. "Maybe."

"Then I'll wait. I won't say I'll never be frustrated, but I meant it when I said I wasn't going to push you. Or at least I won't push you much." Ethan grinned, and bent again, this time to gently nip at the rim of Matt's ear. "I won't push you into anything you really don't want. But I might...encourage you to want a little bit more, now and then."

Matt blushed. "Ohgod."

"You always say that, and it's always adorable. Your blushing is always adorable too. My sweet little omega." Ethan pulled the hair tie out of Matt's hair and started running his fingers through it.

Matt let out the tense breath he'd been holding, and made a happy little sound as Ethan continued to comb through his hair. They stayed that way for a long time, and Ethan felt the tension slowly draining out of Matt. When the big man seemed almost limp and half-asleep, Ethan nudged him. "Sit up."

"Hmm?" Mat did so, and blinked drowsily up at Ethan.

"Time to get up here in the bed and let me cuddle you properly." Ethan started to take off his shoes. Matt blushed just a little, but relaxed again when Ethan didn't strip further. He removed his own shoes and climbed into the bed, where Ethan was already lying, waiting. It was a fairly big bed, but then Matt was a big man.

Indulging his curiosity as Matt cuddled up to him, tucking his head under Ethan's chin despite being very much the larger of them, Ethan said, "Exactly how tall are you, anyway?"

"Uhm. Six foot six. Why?"

"No special reason. Just curious."

Matt chuckled softly, then sighed again as he nuzzled Ethan's chest. Ethan wrapped his arms around Matt, holding him. They shifted a bit, finding a comfortable, intimate position.

"Exactly how short are you, then?" asked Matt after a moment, his voice amused.

Ethan snorted. "I suppose fair's fair. Five foot one, dammit."

Matt laughed. "Poor little Kazu."

"If you 'poor little Kazu' me I'm going to be tempted to show you what 'poor little omega' looks like." Ethan shifted and nipped Matt's ear again.

Matt sucked in a breath at that, but then said, "I never get called 'alpha.' That's so unfair. It's in my name too, you know."

"Act like one and I might." Ethan's grin was wicked and he switched from nipping lightly to biting hard. 

Matt gasped, going stiff in his arms, then shuddered. "Ah..."

"See? Definitely an omega."

"Mmph." The vaguely disgruntled noise was Matt's only reply, but he was smiling as he made it.

Ethan settled back down, his chin pressing against the top of Matt's head, his arms around him. They both lay in silence for a long time.

Eventually Matt tipped his head up, and gave Ethan a soft kiss. Ethan kissed back, letting his eyes slide closed as he focused in the feel of Matt's lips against his. The kiss deepened, grew more passionate. Ethan slid his hands along Matt's back, pressing close to him, and pushed his tongue into Matt's mouth. Matt answered, twisting their tongues together, then pushing back, his own tongue slipping now into Ethan's mouth.

Matt's arms around him tightened, and his kiss grew intense, almost rough. Ethan felt a shiver go through him, his pulse beginning to race.

Then, suddenly, Matt rolled him over, pinning him down, his hands going to Ethan's wrists, holding him. Ethan felt a shock go through him and he drew in a sharp gasp. Suddenly he was the one helpless, being taken advantage of, and he felt his cock give a pulse, pressing against Matt's body as he held Ethan down. In that moment he desperately wanted Matt to just go ahead and do it, give in to the urge that obviously possessed him, and take Ethan roughly.

Matt stared into Ethan's wide, startled eyes from just inches away, panting hard, and a shudder went through him. Ethan recognized the sudden guilt on his face, and calming somewhat, softly said, "Matt, get off of me."

Matt swallowed hard. "Y-yes sir," he stammered, and rolled off, to lie curled up on the bed in a ball of obvious misery.

Ethan curled himself around Matt as best he could, nuzzling against the back of his neck and wrapping his arms around Matt's chest. "It's alright," he murmured gently.

Matt shuddered again. "It's not. I'm completely fucked up. This is all wrong. I'm all wrong. I'm making you all wrong."

"Oh, Matt... Don't say that."

"It's true, though. I should stop seeing you. I should stop talking to you. I should never have kissed you. I fucked you up, I just know I did."

Ethan kissed the back of his neck again, softly. "You didn't, I promise."

"How can you know that?"

"How can _you_ know that you did?."

"I..." Matt started trembling intensely. Another soft sob came from him, and then he said, "I feel it must have fucked you up because when I was little it fucked me up."

"Oh, Matt. Oh my poor little omega. What happened to you? Surely not just one kiss."

"N-no."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I...don't know. Maybe I should. I've never told anyone."

"You don't have to, but I'll listen if you want to."

"You should know. You should know what kind of fucked-up mess I am."

Ethan squeezed him more tightly, wanting to insist that he wasn't fucked up, but not wanting to silence him. "Tell me about it," he said, simply.

Matt was silent for a long time. Then finally, his voice distant, almost detached, he started speaking. "It started when I was nine. It wasn't an adult, it was another kid. He was actually younger than me, about eight. He lived just down the street, and we used to play together all the time. One day he told me he'd learned a new game, called 'sex' and we should play it." He curled up just a little bit tighter in Ethan's arms. "He never told me who taught him the game. I didn't know enough to realize I should ask. It was almost innocent, then. Neither of us could really get aroused or come, but it felt kinda good anyway, so we played the game, mostly just touching each other, pretty often. I don't know how we never got caught at it, to be honest. We didn't know it was bad. It was just...a thing we did. And if it had stopped there, maybe everything would be different. But it didn't stop there."

His body shook with a faint, suppressed sob. "I said I was older than my friend. I...started puberty first, and the game changed for me. The first time I got an actual erection was confusing, but also wonderful. The first time I came was even more of both. I wanted to play the game more often, and play it differently. But my friend wasn't interested. I..." He shuddered again and his voice was thick with tears when he finally continued. "I tried to force myself on him. He told his parents. I don't know exactly what he told them. I don't think they fully understood what was going on. But they told my parents. I was lucky that nobody told the authorities. Or...I don't know. Maybe if somebody had I'd have gotten real help, and things would have turned out different. But instead of getting therapy, I just got lectured and grounded. That's when I learned that sex was shameful, and that being gay was a terrible sin."

"It's not," said Ethan softy. "It's not."

"Is it not?" Matt heaved another deep sigh. "Perhaps not, but being...like I am is."

"Oh, Matt..." Ethan squeezed him again, wishing he could think of something better to say.

"I stopped playing the game with my former friend. I stopped playing with him at all, his parents wouldn't let me. But I started looking at other boys, and thought about it all the time. I masturbated a lot. And when I got a chance I would sometimes touch another boy." His voice was full of bitter self-hated as he went on, "Especially boys who were smaller than I was, who couldn't stop me. I was always a big kid, and I took advantage of the way the smaller ones were scared of me. I didn't get caught again. Kids often don't like to talk about these things. But as I got older, who I wanted to...play with didn't change. It was always boys the age I'd been, about the age you were. Boys who were still innocent, who didn't know about the game." 

He sighed more softly this time, some of the hate and pain in his voice fading just a little. "I've had normal sexual relationships too. Girls are okay. I don't mind them, and I've dated and had sex with a few. And I've had one or two experiences with adult guys. But... I don't know. Maybe I'd be this way anyway. Maybe I was always going to be this way. But I feel like playing the game fucked me up when I was a kid, and now I've fucked you up. I don't want you to grow up to be like me, Ethan."

Ethan kissed the back of Matt's neck again, and after a moment a tiny smile crept across his face. "I don't think I will. In fact maybe just the opposite. I hardly look at guys my own age at all, even though maybe I should. I just want you."

"You could do a lot better than somebody like me."

"No, no, no. You don't get to say that. You're _my_ omega, you're who I want."

Matt sighed again, softly, curling himself tighter again. "You do deserve better."

"Stop it." Ethan found that Matt's self-flagellation was actually starting to annoy him. "I don't want somebody else. Nobody else could be better than you."

"Ethan..."

Ethan bit the back of Matt's neck then, almost roughly. Matt gasped, twitching in his arms. "No," he growled in Matt's ear. "Nobody else. I just want you. You're mine," he continued and bit again, hard enough that Matt cried out in pain. "You're my omega, and I won't hear you put yourself down like that, do you understand me?"

Matt shivered, breathing fast. "Y-yes, sir."

"Good boy. Now shh. I came here today to hold you. I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me what happened to you, but I don't want this visit to be only about that. I want to cuddle my sweet omega. I want to make you feel content, and happy, and cared for."

Another deep shudder went through Matt, and suddenly he turned around, burying his head against Ethan's chest again. He was crying, heaving helpless sobs that shook his whole body. Ethan was surprised at the sudden intensity of it, but only a little bit, and he pressed his chin against the top of Matt's head and held him tightly as he cried.

After a long, long time the sobs halted with one last sniffle. With his head still buried against Ethan's chest, Matt said, "You do make me happy, Ethan. You do, so much. You're better than I deserve. You're better than anybody could deserve. I... I... I love you."

Ethan felt his heart skip a beat and his breath catch. "Oh, Matt. I love you too. I love you so much." He traced a finger down Matt's jawline and encouraged him to tip his head up, then gave him a soft, sweet kiss. "You are wonderful beyond words. I couldn't possibly be with somebody better than you. Believe me. I love you deeply, and I'll always take care of you."


	11. Chapter 11

> AlphaOmega: Hey there. How's your day been?  
>  Kazu: Boring, boring, boring. I sometimes wish I could get into some AP courses already, or something, because the regular classes are just too easy. On the other hand, my English teacher seems to think I'm not challenged enough and wants extra pages on all my essays, which sometimes requires some keeping up with, and I'd probably feel overworked if all my classes were that hard. But god, that and band are the only classes that don't make my brain want to ooze out my ears some days. Science would be my favorite subject, if it weren't so pathetically easy. We're covering the planets this week. The planets. I could have told you everything we've learned so far by the time I was eight.  
>  AlphaOmega: Glad it's the weekend, I take it?  
>  Kazu: Oh yeah. Sorry about the rant there. What about you?  
>  AlphaOmega: I actually have a day off this weekend. One whole Sunday, all to myself. So I'm feeling fine.  
>  Kazu: Gasp! Shock! Your day off lining up with the rest of the world's?  
>  AlphaOmega: Including yours, hint, hint.  
>  Kazu: Ah. Well, about that...  
>  AlphaOmega: You have bad news, I take it?  
>  Kazu: It's not exactly bad news, as such. I'm very glad you want to see me in person again! I just don't want to be over there every single week. Every time my mom thinks I'm at Rob's but I'm not increases the odds of her finding out I'm up to something. You know how my parents are.  
>  AlphaOmega: Your mother is the platonic ideal of "helicopter parent" and your dad would murder us both if he knew. Sigh. I know.  
>  Kazu: Sorry, I don't want to be a downer. Just, I think we should limit it to more like once a month, at least during the school year. But hey, the closer I get to college and to eighteen, the easier it'll get. Next year I'll be a senior, and I turn eighteen the year after.  
>  AlphaOmega: Easier in more ways than one. But you're right, better safe than sorry.  
>  Kazu snuggles up close and starts nibbling your ear, giving a few light nips and then one good, hard bite.  
>  Kazu: If I can't do anything in person, though...  
>  AlphaOmega gasps and shivers.  
>  AlphaOmega: You're going to be evil to me again, I just know it.  
>  Kazu lets his hand start sliding south while he bites again.  
>  Kazu: Oh yes. Very much so.

That became the pattern of their days. They chatted almost every night, often with a lot of kinky, sexual role play thrown in, just as they always had. And roughly once a month they met in person, largely just to cuddle, but sometimes to try something more interesting and intense, when the opportunity arose.

"How late can you stay?" asked Matt as he ushered Ethan into his apartment.

"At least till eleven. They're going to be out till midnight, but I don't want to push it." Ethan flopped down comfortably on the bed, and Matt sat beside him.

"I'm pleasantly shocked your mother was willing to leave you home alone until midnight."

"Hah! She actually started talking about getting a babysitter. A babysitter for a sixteen year old!" Ethan rolled his eyes as hard as he possibly could. "I nearly suggested they have you do it, but my dad shot her down. Probably because he knows how crazy it'd make them look, calling up somebody to watch their 'baby boy' who's old enough to drive. Which of course I still can't, but I'm chipping away at that one. They gave in about band trips, I expect they'll give in about the driver's license eventually too, and I already enrolled myself in driver's ed, they didn't need a signature for the class itself."

Matt gave him a somewhat wistful smile. "Getting my own license seems like an eternity ago. You're so young still..."

Ethan gave Matt a look. "You're not going to start getting all upset about my age again, are you?"

Matt looked chagrined. "No, sorry. I promise I won't."

"Good. If you do, I'll have to punish you. And it wouldn't even be a fun punishment. No spankings for something that bad, you like spankings too much." Ethan grinned. "I'd have to make you write me an essay about how sorry you are, or something."

"Homework! Anything but homework." Matt gave a mock-shudder.

Ethan laughed. "Indeed. But speaking of evil things I want to do to you..."

Matt's eyebrows lifted. "Should I be worried?"

"Given we have more time tonight than we're likely to have for a long time, I thought we should try out something we haven't done yet. Cuddles and kisses and spankings and all that are easy and fun, but if you are willing, I was thinking of something a little...more."

Matt's expression sobered, and he shifted slightly where he sat beside Ethan. "You know I'm not willing to do certain things."

"I know. I don't mean sex. I mean more of the, uh... I don't even know what to call it. Kink, I guess. Alpha/omega stuff. Predatory stuff." Ethan shifted a bit, suddenly having second thoughts about asking this. After the sexual play they did, the playing with alpha and omega in ways that got violent was probably his favorite thing. Online it had been easy to push that to extremes. They'd made predator and prey something like literal at times, with scenes that ended in virtual death, even. In person that was far from possible, but Ethan knew that people went as far as to draw blood in real life play, and he wanted to try. Yet asking that felt suddenly too strange, like it was too much.

"Ethan?"

Ethan licked his lips and gathered his courage. "I... I kinda want to find out what your blood actually tastes like."

Matt drew in a sharp breath. "Ohgod."

Something like relief went through Ethan at Matt's reaction. That meant that Matt was very into the idea. With a confident grin spreading across his face, Ethan said, "It's always seemed delicious in our virtual play. But I want to know for real. I brought razors and a little first aid kit, even." He pulled the kit out of his jacket pocket, a packet of razors tucked into one of the spots meant for bandaids within. "How does that sound to you?"

Matt swallowed hard. "It sounds...good."

Ethan's stomach rumbled just then, reminding him that he wanted something a little more substantial as well. "First, though, you mentioned dinner? That's why I came straight over, I haven't eaten yet."

Matt smiled. "I like cooking. Cooking for one is awfully lonely sometimes, though. It seemed like it would be nice if I could cook dinner for you."

"I think that would be very nice. So, a nice dinner, and then a little...dessert." Ethan winked and tossed the first aid kit in the air, before tucking it back in his pocket.

Matt was blushing, but he nodded. "Any requests for dinner? I know you've mentioned liking pasta, I was thinking a baked mac n' cheese, maybe? Or I have a good recipe for lemon-pepper spaghetti?"

"I like mac n' cheese." Ethan smiled.

"Then I'll be delighted to make you some." Matt smiled back, and there was something interesting in that smile. His eyes only met Ethan's for a moment, then lowered, and Ethan realized that Matt was offering the meal as something like an act of submission. An act of service to his alpha, perhaps.

On impulse, Ethan reached out and patted Matt's head as he was about to rise. "Good boy."

Matt drew in a sharp breath once more, and he bent his head and let Ethan pat him again. "Thank you," he said softly.

Ethan chuckled. "You're welcome. Now why don't you go get dinner started, my good little omega?"

"Yes, sir." Matt rose, still with that odd something in his smile, and went to the kitchen nook. Ethan moved to a chair at the table beside it and watched as Matt began making dinner.

When it was done Matt dished up two plates, and set Ethan's in front of him first, again with that odd little smile. Ethan couldn't help but smile back. He took a bite and nodded. "Not bad. I like it. Good boy."

Matt actually blushed at that, but then dug into his own plate, and for a while they ate in companionable silence. When that was done and Matt had cleared the dishes away, Ethan said, "Time for my dessert, then."

Matt licked his lips a little nervously, but nodded.

Ethan tilted his head. "You know if you don't want to do this, that's fine. I know doing things in real life isn't the same as online."

"I do want to. It's just...new."

"You've never actually done this kind of thing?"

"No, not at all. The kinkiest thing I've ever done in person before this was just a little spanking." Matt's cheeks were flushed as he looked over at Ethan. "You have as much experience as I do with most of this stuff."

"Which is none at all," said Ethan cheerfully. "And there's only one way to fix that. Why don't you take your shirt off, and kneel down."

"Yes, sir." Matt did so, stripping off the fitted tee he'd been wearing and letting it fall, then going to his knees in the open space between the table and bed. Ethan came and stood behind him, brushing his fingers over Matt's shoulders and back. Matt sighed softly and lowered his head.

Ethan pulled the first aid kit out of his pocket. He opened it and pulled out the packet of razors, and a packet of sanitizing wipes. Setting the kit on the table, he carefully cleaned one razor, making sure it was as sterile as possible.

"Okay. Anywhere you do or don't want marks? What I've read suggests that razor cuts tend to scar."

"Ah... So long as my shirt covers it, anything is fine."

Ethan chuckled. "Anything, hmm? What if I wanted to carve my name into you? 'Ethan' doesn't have too many letters, I'd only have to make a dozen or so cuts, probably."

"Ohgod." Matt gave a shiver.

"That's probably a bit much to start with. Let's just see if the taste of your blood is as good as I imagined it." Ethan began to circle Matt, looking at him thoughtfully, considering where to cut. He'd done as much research as he could about the reality of this kind of thing, when he'd realized he wanted it and had put the kit together, but it had been difficult to find reliable sources. There was a lot of obvious nonsense on the internet surrounding blood kink. A few things he'd found from people who seemed to do cutting in real life, though, suggested that it was safer than most people might think. So long as the cuts stayed relatively shallow, only a few places on the body were unsafe, so one merely had to know enough anatomy to understand where veins, arteries, and tendons ran close under the skin.

Ethan came to a halt in front of Matt. He'd originally considered cutting his back, which seemed like a very nice canvas, but he realized he wanted Matt to be able to see what he was doing. And it let him have a little fun before he began. "Tilt your head back, my omega."

Matt swallowed and obeyed, his eyes half-lidded, his breathing already fast. Ethan stroked his fingers over Matt's throat. "I could, of course, cut you right here. It was be foolish of me, but I could if I wanted to."

Matt shuddered, his breathing growing even faster, a nearly panicked panting that Ethan knew very well by now. Ethan laughed softly, then trailed his fingers down to Matt's chest. "I think here will do." Then his right hand, that had been holding the razor all this time, suddenly followed where his left had been caressing, and the corner of it just touched Matt's skin there. Ethan paused for just a moment, bracing himself for what he was about to do, then dug in the blade and flicked it across, leaving a cut perhaps two inches long across Matt's chest.

Matt drew in a sharp breath, another shiver going through him. Ethan gently set the razor down on the table and looked at the cut he'd made. Blood was already beading all along it. He found his heart pounding as he reached out, one finger touching the red line, smearing the blood down. Matt made a tiny little sound that was almost a moan at the touch.

Ethan, feeling almost mesmerized by the slowly oozing red, lifted his hand, looking at the blood on his fingertip. He licked it off, tasting copper and salt, the same taste as his own blood when he bit his tongue or thoughtlessly licked a scratch, yet somehow worlds different. "You taste good, my omega," he said, a little breathlessly.

"Oh, god," said Matt softly, trembling now. Ethan touched the cut again. A droplet had begun trickling down from the cut, and he drew his fingertip along that line, and then swirled it up, drawing an arc of crimson. He doodled, tracing across Matt's chest for a while, before licking his finger clean again. Matt was watching this intently, still breathing fast, his body still occasionally shivering.

Ethan had a sudden idea, and chuckled, picked up the razor again. "I think I need a little more paint, my omega. I've had a thought about what a fine canvas you make. It's too bad I'm no kind of artist, really. But there is something I can manage to draw on you."

He put a second cut beside the first, daring to make it a little longer, a little deeper. Blood blossomed along it immediately, and Ethan once again set the razor down and drew his finger through the seeping redness. He began sketching out letters, his marks crude but legible, and when he was finished, there had been just enough trickling blood to spell out "Ethan" across Matt's chest.

"There. I've marked you as mine. Once with my name, just for now. Once with the cuts, which will mark you for quite some time."

"Y-yes, sir," said Matt, his voice a little shaky.

Ethan licked his fingers clean again. "You do taste delicious. I think I want a little more." He knelt then, in front of Matt, and bent his head to lick at the blood, drawing his tongue over Matt's chest with slow sensuality. Matt gasped softly, then let out another low moan as Ethan lapped over one of the cuts.

"Oh... Oh, god..."

"Mmm. Definitely delicious, my sweet omega." Ethan licked again, and Matt's hands settled tentatively on his shoulders as he did. The intensity and the intimacy of the moment were amazing, and after one more long lick, tasting the blood that still beaded on the larger cut, Ethan lifted his head and kissed Matt hard.

Matt let out a muffled moan and kissed back, his arms sliding more tightly around Ethan. They stayed locked together for a long time, kissing deeply, before Ethan finally pulled back and pulled free of Matt's embrace, to rise and stand in front of him. He rubbed his fingers over the cuts one more time, making Matt gasp softly in pain as he prodded at them.

Ethan looked down at Matt, whose eyes were half-closed, unfocused, his body still trembling faintly, his breath coming fast. The expression on his face was one of almost sexual pleasure, and Ethan felt that thrill again, that sense of power. He'd done this to Matt. He could do nearly anything he wanted. It was bizarre and amazing, and even a little bit frightening, all at once.

"Time to clean you up, my tasty bit of prey." Ethan smiled with a bit of a sadistic note to it. This next part was going to hurt more than the cutting had. "Let's do the easy part first. Stay right there."

He got a damp paper towel and erased his name, and the other doodles and smears of blood. Then he went back to the first aid kit and got out the sterile wipes. 

"This part won't be much fun, I'm afraid."

Matt gave another little shiver, and nodded. Ethan opened the packet, and firmly ran the alcohol wipe over the cuts, one at a time. Matt let out a hiss of pain between his teeth at each one, but other than that hardly flinched. 

From a purely logical point of view Ethan knew he'd hardly done anything. Two shallow scratches, only few inches long in total, was hardly a big deal. Yet it had been a powerful moment all the same, and he felt an odd sort of afterglow, a downward slide from a peak of intensity into a comfortable warmth, as he set about putting bandaids across the cuts. It took several to properly cover them, but eventually he was done.

"There we are. How are you feeling?"

"Good," murmured Matt, his expression still a bit dazed and distant.

"Come cuddle then," said Ethan, taking Matt's hand and tugging up. Matt rose willingly, and the two of them settled together in his bed, with Matt once more tucking his head under Ethan's chin. Ethan stroked his hair and held him close, feeling a warm contentment fill him.

Matt sighed deeply, relaxing, and nuzzled against Ethan's chest. "Thank you."

"Shouldn't I be thanking you? I'm the one who wanted to do that to you."

Ethan felt Matt's shrug as much as saw it. "I wanted you to do it. I've wanted something like that, something with that kind of...dangerous intensity for a long time. So thank you, my alpha."

Ethan kissed the top of his head. "Well, you are more than welcome. That was very...fun seems like the wrong word, but it was enjoyable, and as you said, dangerously intense."

"Yes." Matt sighed again, relaxing further, and Ethan held him for a very long time, simply relaxing together.

Eventually the chiming of Ethan's phone alarm told him it was time to leave. He rose with a regretful sigh. "Time to go home. Someday, though, I'll get to stay the night with you."

"Someday." Matt smiled at him. "Some very good day. I love you very much, my alpha."

"I love you too, my omega."


	12. Chapter 12

> Kazu: Well, it's official. Guess who's got two thumbs and a shiny new high school diploma? This guy!  
> AlphaOmega: Congratulations.  
> Kazu: You know what else? I measured myself this morning while getting dressed. I'm five foot four now.  
> AlphaOmega: So tall!  
> AlphaOmega gazes up at Kazu in wonder.  
> Kazu rolls his eyes.  
> Kazu: You dork.  
> AlphaOmega: You're the one who brought it up, shorty.  
> Kazu: Bah. Anyway, I might keep growing, I'm still shorter than my dad. Though I'm taller than my mom now, and I kind of take after her, so maybe not.  
> AlphaOmega: Don't get obsessed with getting tall. It has its down sides. I hit my head on things a lot, just for starters.  
> Kazu: Hah! Yeah. It's just hard to not be annoyed about it sometimes. I still look like I'm flipping twelve, too. I shave every other week. My only solace is that you don't mind.  
> AlphaOmega: Heh. No, I don't. Though I'm never going to be entirely comfortable with that... But I guess every cloud does have a silver lining.  
> Kazu: Sorry for bringing up a sore spot. Let's talk about better things. Like all the free time I'm going to have this summer. I do still have work, but it's just part time. So until college starts in August, I'll have more time to chat, and maybe we can arrange a couple of meetups.  
> AlphaOmega: That sounds great. I'll look forward to them.  
> Kazu: Speaking of work, and of meetups, I've had an idea bubbling up recently. I'm going to be evil to you again.  
> AlphaOmega: Oh boy.  
> Kazu: What's your schedule this coming week?  
> AlphaOmega: I've got the early shift, and Thursday is my day off right now.  
> Kazu: Perfect. I'm going to be coming over on Thursday, then. Pick me up at the usual spot at 2:00. But before that...  
> Kazu grins.  
> AlphaOmega eyes this grin warily  
> Kazu: I happen to know that I can borrow my dad's car on Wednesday. I'm going to take a trip to the mall. There's that bathroom right next to the Build-A-Bear that never gets used. At 12:45 exactly I'm going to be there, in the handicapped stall on the end. You're going to be there too, don't be late.  
> AlphaOmega: Oh god.  
> Kazu laughs and pinches AlphaOmega's cheeks.  
> Kazu: You're too cute!  
> AlphaOmega: What exactly are you going to do?  
> Kazu: I'm going to leave that to your imagination. Bathroom blowjobs are fairly traditional though, aren't they?  
> AlphaOmega blushes.  
> AlphaOmega: Uhm... But we've never, uhm... Done that.  
> Kazu laughs.  
> Kazu: Don't want your first time to be in a bathroom stall? I'll probably just tease. The idea is to have you so worked up by Thursday that you explode. Won't that be fun!  
> AlphaOmega: God you are evil.  
> Kazu: That's why you love me.  
> Kazu winks.  
> Kazu: See you Wednesday.

Ethan grinned as he lay in bed with his phone. Messing with Matt was far too much fun. They hadn't gotten past heavy makeouts, as far as sexual things went, but they'd indulged in various kinks since the first bit of blood play they'd done. Ethan enjoyed being creative, and finding ways to play with Matt without pushing over the boundaries he'd set. "No sex" put a specific list of acts off the table, but there were plenty of other acts that remained.

He was eagerly anticipating the not-so-distant day, though, when they could do more. He was seventeen now, and would be starting college next year. His birthday was in February, so he'd be well into his first year of college when it arrived. 

College itself was exciting too. He wasn't even leaving town, he was going to the local university, but he'd gotten his mother to agree to let him live in the dorms, and that felt like a nearly impossible triumph. Independence at last! He knew he'd have roommates, but that would be infinitely better than having to live with his parents. No more constant fussing from his mom. No more listening to nasty rants from his dad. It would be absolutely amazing.

For now, though, he had his paired meetings with Matt to look forward to.

****

The time on his phone read 12:44. Ethan stepped into the bathroom stall and shut the door behind him, leaning against it. The urge to pace was strong, but he stayed put. Though there was nobody else there to hear him if he did, and he'd seen only one other person in the roughly four minutes he'd been in the restroom.

He heard the door open and footsteps came in. They halted just in front of the handicapped stall, then hesitated, and he could hear whoever it was out there shifting his weight. Ethan grinned and opened the door. Sure enough, it was Matt.

"In here, now," Ethan said with quiet intensity.

"Yes, sir," said Matt, his voice nervous. Ethan shut the door after him, making sure it was fully latched. He turned to Matt and took a moment to take in the sight of him.

Handsome and well-groomed as always, he looked sharp in his security guard's uniform. His belt only held a walkie-talkie and keys, he didn't have a gun or even handcuffs, but there was still something about the "cop" look that was just great.

"Why haven't I ever had you put on your uniform at home?" murmured Ethan, stepping closer. "It's hot as hell. If you hand handcuffs, I'd be changing my plans for what I'm going to do to you entirely."

Matt chuckled softly. "Mall cops aren't allowed to carry cuffs, sorry."

"Doesn't mean you can't own a pair. Think you could get some by tomorrow?"

Matt's eyebrows went up. "Maybe."

"If you can without too much trouble, do. But meanwhile..." Ethan stepped closer still, pressing up against Matt, and grabbed his ponytail to pull him in for a kiss. Matt gasped softly, but bent and kissed Ethan willingly. Ethan kissed him hard, passionately, but briefly, before letting go. He pushed Matt against the bathroom wall, and though Matt was strong enough to resist, he did not.

Ethan ran his hands down Matt's chest, and continued lower still, until one hand was groping at Matt's pants, stroking over the growing bulge there. Matt let out a soft moan, that echoed against the tiled walls. Ethan laughed softly and continued, stroking Matt teasingly. "Maybe I'll give you a blowjob after all," he said, looking up at Matt with a sadistic smile on his face. "If I just pulled your cock out and went down to my knees, would you be able to bring yourself to stop me?"

Matt swallowed hard. "Oh, god..."

"Mmm. So cute. I love how easy it is to make you squirm." He groped a little more firmly, and Matt moaned again.

Then the door opened, and they both froze at the sound. Footsteps entered and went to the urinals. Ethan suddenly grinned and started undoing Matt's belt. A moment later he'd undone the top button on Matt's pants too, then slipped his hand inside. Matt sucked in a sharp breath, but kept his lips pressed together. Ethan caressed his cock through the thin fabric of his boxers, while Matt trembled and fought to stay silent.

The person at the urinals seemed to take forever, and Ethan was nearly laughing, while Matt had his own hand over his mouth as he squirmed by the time the man finally finished and left.

"Ah... Ah, god," gasped Matt.

Ethan giggled. "That was far too much fun." He pulled his hand out of Matt's pants and stepped back. "But I should let you get back to work. I think I've wound you up enough for now."

"Hah. You are so damn evil." Matt was still breathing fast as he tucked his shirt back in more neatly and did up his belt.

"Evil is more fun." Ethan grinned and stood on his tip-toes to give Matt a quick peck. "Now go on."

Matt blushed again, which really was entirely adorable, but opened the door and slipped quickly out of the stall. Ethan waited just a moment, then left as well.

That had gone even better than he could have hoped. He'd wanted the little spice of danger that came from the tiny risk if being caught, and having somebody walk in had been just perfect. He grinned. Hopefully tomorrow would go just as well.


	13. Chapter 13

"I don't normally wear my uniform on my day off, you know," said Matt, sounding amused. They were both sitting on Matt's bed, and though Ethan was just wearing jeans and a t-shirt, Matt was in his whole security guard uniform, from neatly knotted tie to polished black shoes.

"Well thank you for indulging me, then." Ethan grinned. "Did you get a pair of cuffs?"

"I did." Matt chuckled and pulled them out of a pocket. "Here's the keys."

"You're going to look great in them," said Ethan.

"Hah. Maybe _you_ will look great in them. I'm the officer here. I seem to have a juvenile delinquent, maybe I should arrest him." He glanced down at the cuffs. "Though actually I suspect you'll be able to get out of them."

Ethan tilted his head to the side. "Huh?"

"Here, let's find out." Matt turned, getting to his knees, and in a swift, double motion had slapped the cuffs on Ethan's wrists. It stung a bit, where he'd put them on by more or less slamming them against the skin. He pushed down on them, ratcheting them down tightly, and gave a little nod. "Try to pull out."

Ethan tugged, then frowned. They'd been snug but they instantly loosened when he moved, and he slipped his hands out of them with only a little wiggling.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. These are one size fits all, and a lot of small people, kids, women, little bitty guys like you," he grinned at Ethan teasingly, "can pull right out. They warn you about that in training classes. You have to pay attention and not just assume cuffs will fit anybody."

"Do they fit big guys?" said Ethan, grinning back.

Matt gave him a look. "They might."

"Oh good." It took Ethan a moment longer to get them on Matt, he wasn't as expert with them, but Matt didn't resist as Ethan locked them around his wrists. Ethan saw the shiver that went through Matt as he tugged on them. Ethan felt a shiver of his own, of pleasant anticipation, go through him. God, this was going to be fun. He gave Matt a little shove in the center of his chest. "Down on the bed with you."

Matt stretched out on his back on the bed. Ethan immediately moved to straddle him, grabbing his cuffed hands and pushing them up over his head. "Keep those right there," he said firmly.

Licking his lips, Matt said, "Yes, sir."

"Good boy." Ethan started pulling off Matt's tie. He looped it around the chain of the cuffs and knotted it there, then reached up and tied the other end to a support bar that ran along the base of Matt's headboard, securing his hands over his head. "There. You're not going anywhere until I'm good and ready to let you."

Ethan ran his hands down Matt's chest. Then he started undoing the buttons on Matt's shirt, taking his time. Matt was already breathing faster. Ethan pulled the shirt open, trailing his fingers over Matt's chest. He lingered for a while over the two narrow scars where he'd cut Matt, and Matt shivered faintly as Ethan caressed them. Then Ethan slid one hand over to Matt's nipple and pinched it lightly, which made Matt gasp. Ethan chuckled and bent down to lick Matt's nipple. Matt let out a soft moan, his head going back against the pillows, his body squirming under Ethan.

"Mmm. I love hearing you moan," said Ethan, and nipped Matt's nipple. Matt gasped and moaned again. Ethan made a soft sound of satisfaction and nibbled with increasing pressure, as Matt writhed and moaned repeatedly. It was utterly thrilling having the big man helpless like this under Ethan.

He gave Matt's nipple one more sharp nip, then started to slide further down, nipping and nuzzling along his body. Matt went very still, panting hard and looking down at Ethan uncertainly. Ethan smiled up at him, then started undoing his belt. "I should pick up where I left off yesterday." He unbuttoned Matt's pants, and unzipped them, but didn't take them off. He reached in, instead, and ran his fingers over the bulge of Matt's cock.

Matt groaned, his hands pulling at the restraints that held him. Ethan knew how to tie a proper knot, though, so despite his strength, he couldn't pull free. Ethan's fingers teased and stroked him, and Matt shuddered, panting hard. "Ah... God... Please..."

"Please, hmm?" Ethan slid off of Matt, and nuzzled at him, smelling the musky scent of him, rubbing his cheek against the hot bulge in Matt's boxers. Ethan's own erection was an ache of need, but he ignored that. "You want that blowjob after all, maybe?"

Matt actually whimpered, which sent an incredible thrill through Ethan. It was just amazing how helpless he was, how easily Ethan could toy with him. He continued to tease, to touch and pull back, to make Matt whimper, moan and beg, until he'd reduced Matt to a state of utter frustration, and the headboard started to creak alarmingly with how hard Matt was struggling to pull his hands free.

Ethan also realized, eventually, that Matt was starting to rub his wrists raw. He sat back beside Matt and said softly, "Hold still."

Matt, panting hard, his expression dazed, mumbled, "Yes, sir," and relaxed slightly. Ethan fished the handcuff key out of his pocket and unlocked the cuffs. Matt groaned as he pulled his hands down, and rubbed at his wrists, which were red and raw.

"You're going to have quite a bruise tomorrow. Sorry about that," said Ethan, blushing just a bit. He hadn't realized how badly the cuffs would mark Matt.

Still breathing fast, Matt said, "It's...okay." His eyes still weren't quite focused, and Ethan chuckled at his expression. He bent over and kissed Matt, hard. Matt kissed back, instantly, passionately, wrapping his arms tightly around Ethan.

Next thing Ethan knew he'd been rolled over and was pinned under Matt, who was still kissing him, hotly, pushing his tongue deep into Ethan's mouth. Ethan moaned, his hands clutching at Matt's back, fisting in the loose fabric of his unbuttoned shirt.

Matt ground his hips down on Ethan, still kissing him hard, then broke off the kiss. He was panting, his deep voice rough, as he said intensely, "God, I want you. I want to just take you."

Ethan opened his mouth, almost telling Matt to go ahead, almost begging him to just do it. He realized he was trembling, shivering beneath Matt. He wanted it badly too, but he knew that Matt would start beating himself up again, even worse than he had about the kiss, if he did this now. "You can't," he finally said, his voice shaking. "Please, Matt, get off of me."

Matt went utterly still for an instant, then a shudder went through him, and with a whimpering sound of pure frustration he rolled off of Ethan to curl up on the bed.

Ethan sat up with a sigh, looking down at Matt's shaking, huddled form. He wasn't sure if he should touch Matt or not, if a hand on his shoulder would hurt or help at this point.

"God, I'm so fucked up," said Matt.

"I'm sorry," said Ethan.

"I... This isn't your fault, this is mine. I can't do this. I want you so badly..."

Ethan sighed softly. "I want you too. If it were up to me, I'd say to hell with waiting, just take me. But I know you'd feel guilty."

"Yes," said Matt softly, despairingly. "I'm so sorry. I'm such a mess. I just... I can't. I can't go on like this. Every time I see you I want you more. Every time I see you I feel more tangled up. I can't get away from my guilt, from my sins."

"I... I should go, then. We can... We can just not be together for a while. I'm sorry." Ethan rose and climbed off the bed.

He was almost to the door when Matt caught his hand. "No. Please..." Ethan looked back, and Matt, still holding his wrist in a grip that was almost too tight, dropped to his knees on the floor. "I love you, you can't go. I'm so sorry."

"Matt... I love you too, but I can't see you torturing yourself like this."

Matt looked up at him, with tears standing in his eyes. He let go of Ethan's wrist and let his head fall. "I'm so sorry. You deserve better than this. You deserve better than a fucked-up pedophile. I... You... I'm so sorry that I've fucked you up too. Maybe you should go. You're so wonderful, I know you could find somebody better."

"Matt." Ethan found himself growing annoyed. "Stop saying things like that."

"They're true, though. I'm such a mess. I don't even know from one moment to the next whether I'm going to hell or whether I've let my own hate destroy my mind, but I can't stop feeling guilty. I can't stop wanting you, and I can't stop hating myself for wanting you. You should-"

"Stop that!" Ethan's teeth were bared as his anger with Matt's self-flagellation grew. "Stop saying things like that. You know they're not true! There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with wanting what you want!"

Matt's head fell further. His hair had come out of its ponytail earlier, and it fell in tangles all around his face. "Of course there's something wrong with me, Ethan. I'm a pedophile. I'm all fucked up and I've fucked you up. I'm-"

"No." Ethan's voice went flat and hard. He grabbed a handful of Matt's hair and pulled his head up to look directly into his shocked eyes. "Don't say things like that. I won't hear you say stupid shit like that any more!"

Matt went very still, his eyes wide as they looked into Ethan's. A shiver went through him and he gasped in a shuddering breath, then said, "Y-yes, sir."

Ethan looked at Matt, and he felt a strange kind of certainty arrive in his core. "That's how it is, huh?"

"I..." Matt's expression was confused, hesitant. 

Ethan's wasn't, though. His face was set in lines of hard, determination. "Very well. If that's what it takes, then that's what we're going to do." He shoved Matt's head down, twisting his hand in Matt's hair until he gasped in pain. "I'm claiming you, Matt. You're _mine_ now. Completely. All the time, not just online, not just for scenes. You're going to do exactly what I say, nothing more, and nothing less. Do you understand that?"

"G-god. Yes, sir." Matt's trembling voice was low, almost a whisper.

"Good." Ethan sat back down on the bed and beckoned Matt over. "Here."

Matt hesitated a moment, then moved to kneel next to Ethan and put his head in Ethan's lap. Ethan smiled and stroked Matt's hair until Matt finally began to relax. Then, his voice gentle but firm, Ethan said, "Here are the rules I expect you to abide by. First, you are absolutely never allowed to call yourself a pedophile again. A pedophile is somebody who wants children. Am I a _child?_ "

"N-no, sir."

"Exactly. I'm not of age yet, but you do _not_ get to use that word just because you're attracted to me. In fact if I hear you call yourself a pedophile again I'm going to assume you've been cheating on me with some little kid, and I won't tolerate cheating, or hurting kids. You understand me?"

"Yes, sir."

"Next rule. You do _not_ get to assume guilt for the way I am. If you fucked me up, well I want to be fucked up, because I _like_ the way I am. But a five second kiss nearly four years ago isn't the reason for the things I'm into. I am absolutely certain of that. If getting kissed by a man made people gay there would be a lot more gay men out there." Ethan grinned.

Matt let out a snort of half-hysterical, involuntary laughter. "Yes, sir."

"Good boy." Ethan patted Matt's head. "Last rule. You have sexual needs, and I've been neglecting them. It's not nice of me to just tease. So from now on when you start feeling you can't take it any more, you are to let me know, and I'll make certain you're satisfied."

Matt glanced up at Ethan, blinking in confusion. "Sir?"

Ethan grinned. "Let me demonstrate. Get up and strip."

"Uhm. Y-yes, sir." Still looking almost comically uncertain, Matt rose and started removing his uniform. He gave Ethan a glance when he got down to his boxers, but Ethan kept his look stern and nodded, so Matt took those off too.

"Good boy. Very nice." Ethan let his eyes wander over Matt's nude form. Matt's cheeks flushed, and Ethan smiled, getting to his feet. "Now, let's have you kneel on the bed, that should be comfortable. And we'll want these." He grabbed a box of tissues that sat on Matt's computer desk, as Matt climbed into the bed and knelt in the middle of it.

Ethan plopped the box in front of Matt, then knelt behind him, wrapping his arms around Matt's chest. Matt relaxed as he realized what Ethan had in mind. Ethan brushed Matt's hair out of the way and kissed the back of his neck. "There. I've wound you up terribly. So why don't you take care of yourself?"

Matt sighed softly, leaning back against Ethan just a little bit. "Yes, sir."

"Good boy." Ethan held Matt, nuzzling, nibbling, and kissing at his neck, while Matt stroked himself, his eyes closing, his head tipping back. Ethan slid one hand over and played with a nipple too, smiling at the moans Matt let out in response. When he heard Matt's breath grow ragged, saw his stroking get faster, he bit into Matt's neck, just at the base, hard enough to hurt, and Matt arched back against him, trembling and shuddering. It was absolutely wonderful. 

He growled softly, then let go and whispered, "Mine," in Matt's ear. Matt gasped, then with an intense shudder he came, and when he was finished it would have been impossible to tell if his sigh or Ethan's was more satisfied.

They leaned together for some time after, simply being close. After a long moment Matt said softly, "Thank you, sir."

Ethan kissed the back of his neck again. He felt a warm glow of contentment suffusing him. Taking care of Matt felt good. "You're welcome."

Matt hesitated just a moment, then added, "Uhm, sir?"

"Hmm?"

"You seem to be worked up as well. Maybe I could return the favor, sir?"

Ethan felt his cheeks heating slightly, but it was true he was still more than a little turned on. "That sounds like a very good idea."

They got themselves repositioned, Ethan with his pants off but not bothering to remove his shirt, leaning back against Matt, wrapped in his strong arms. It felt wonderful as he tipped his head back against Matt's shoulder and started stroking himself. "Oh, Matt, my sweet omega... Ah..."

"Ethan." Matt's arms tightened around him, holding him close, nuzzling at him.

Ethan stroked himself faster, feeling the pleasure, that pleasure he'd first known while calling Matt's name, building up in him. He shuddered, tensing as he neared his peak, and then with one more cry of, "Matt! Yes!" he came hard.

When his climax passed he leaned back against Matt with a deep, blissful sigh. Matt echoed it, then, still holding Ethan tightly, pulled them both sideways to lie spooned together on the bed.

"Thank you, sir," said Matt again. "And I'm sorry."

"You've nothing to be sorry of. I'll keep saying that until you believe it."

"I... Yes, sir."

"Good boy."

Matt paused, then murmured softly, "I love you, sir."

"Mmm. I love you too, my omega."


	14. Chapter 14

It was a cloudy autumn day, with rain drizzling down over the fallen leaves, making a mushy mess of streets and lawns. The college campus was quiet, since it was a weekend, and the dorms were half empty. The students that remained were mostly studying quietly; the party life lived on the other side of campus from the dorms, where most of the frat houses were located.

Classes had been in session for almost a month now, and Ethan had managed to beg off of coming home over the weekend for the first time since moving in. There had been a minor storm from his mother over that, but nothing compared to the fit she'd thrown when he'd uninstalled the tracking app on his phone during his first day of classes.

He'd turned it back on for this weekend as a compromise, since he didn't plan on leaving his room much, but had insisted that he wanted to prove he could live on his own, and that included spending at least some weekends away from home.

There had still been tears, wailing, and far too many passive-aggressive texts from his mother, but his father had finally weighed in, and when the head of the household spoke, his word was law. Since he'd sided with Ethan, Ethan was in his dorm room on this drippy September Saturday, and not at home.

A knock at the door sent Ethan shooting to his feet, and opening he found Matt on the other side. He grinned in delight. "Matt! Come in."

"Ethan." Matt stepped inside, ducking just slightly, as the doors here were a bit low.

"Come on back to my room." Ethan beckoned and Matt followed. The front door let in a a small common area, with a couch and television at one end, and a small kitchen at the other. This had a hall off of it, with a bathroom and two bedrooms off of that. Four young men lived here, two in each room. Ethan went into his room, and Matt ducked in again, shutting the door behind him. The room was modest, just big enough for the two twin beds and two computer desks it contained. His roommate wasn't home at the moment, so for the time being they had it to themselves.

Ethan dropped down onto his bed, scooting back to put his back against the wall, and patted his lap. Matt smiled and kicked off his shoes, then curled himself on the bed—which was short enough his feet would have stuck off the end if he'd stretched out—and put his head in Ethan's lap.

"Mmm. There we go. That's just perfect." Ethan sighed happily and started stroking Matt's hair. After a moment he pulled the elastic out of it, freeing it from its tail, and began to run his fingers through it. Matt closed his eyes, letting out a long sigh of contentment. Matt's hair was black, straight, and very fine. As Ethan ran his fingers through it, though, he noticed that there were threads of gray starting to show up at the temples.

"You're awfully young to be going gray, aren't you?"

"Thirty-one," said Matt, not opening his eyes. "So yes, a bit. It's probably stress."

"Aww. I'm sorry to hear that. Not because of me, I hope?"

"Not really. Money problems, more. I do...worry a little about you, even though I know I'm not allowed to." He turned his head and smiled up at Ethan, who smiled back down at him, still stroking his hair. "But most of my stress is over my job. They're playing games with my hours, and it's making my budget into something of a disaster. I'm still paying off student loans, I didn't get any scholarships, unlike somebody I know. Plus being a mall cop doesn't actually pay that well, at least not around here. I've started looking for other work, but there are only so many security places around."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Ethan continued his soothing petting, and Matt closed his eyes again. "Maybe once I've graduated we could move in together. Get a nice little two bedroom and tell people we're roommates. That'd probably be cheaper than us both living alone." He smiled. "I haven't decided on my major for certain, though, so I'm not sure what job I'll get. I'd like to major in music, but the job opportunities are limited. I've thought about getting a teaching certificate, and teaching high school or middle school band." He glanced down at Matt. "Though I don't know. My working with children all day... Would that bother you?"

Matt shook his head slightly. "I don't think it would. I could never be a teacher, but it would be okay if you were. And lately..." His eyes half-opened, and he looked up at Ethan with a smile. "Lately it's been easier for me. I still...notice boys, I guess. The way I notice a pretty girl, just a brief passing thought. That desperate need isn't there any more." His cheeks flushed faintly as he added, "It seems to have transferred itself entirely to you. And I guess you have it well in hand."

Ethan chuckled. "Damn straight I do."

"Mmm." Matt sighed happily and closed his eyes again. "Belonging to you feels so safe," he said after a moment. "You won't let me do anything wrong. I know it's not quite like that, but that's how it feels. I love you so much, Ethan. My owner. My alpha."

"I love you too, my omega."

The sound of a door opening came from outside the bedroom. Matt looked up at Ethan, looking slightly nervous. "Should I move?"

"I'm out to my actual roommate, and the other two will knock first, so it's fine."

"Alright." Matt relaxed again, trustingly.

The bedroom door swung open, and Ethan's roommate stepped inside.

"Hi Rob." Ethan waved with one hand, but kept the other still on Matt's head.

"Hey there. Who's this?"

"This is Matt. Matt, meet Rob."

Matt gave a small wave, but didn't move from Ethan's lap. Rob chuckled. "Nice to meet you." He gave Ethan a grin and added, "So is this the guy you used to practice kissing for?"

Ethan flushed slightly, but grinned back. "Yep."

"I'm glad it worked out for you." He looked the pair of them over and smiled. "You both look pretty content and comfortable, it's cute. Though, ah, if you want me to go so I don't cock-block you, I can head back to the library, it's still open for another couple of hours."

"No, you're fine," said Ethan. "We're waiting."

Rob blinked at them. "What, like...waiting for marriage kind of waiting?"

Matt laughed. "I suppose it is a little bit like that. It certainly comes with some of the same frustrations."

"We're waiting for me to be legal," said Ethan with a little shrug. "Four and a half more months."

"Oh. Right. I always forget that you're a year younger than me. Well, good luck with that."

"We've waited all this time," said Ethan calmly, stroking Matt's hair again. Matt closed his eyes, relaxing. "It's no trouble to wait a little longer."

"Mmmhmm," said Matt contentedly, and Ethan smiled down at him. He wasn't going to say that things were perfect, yet they were far better than either of them had expected. And when February fifteenth arrived, they were going to get better still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missed posting yesterday because our neighbor helpfully mowed our lawn and also helpfully mowed our internet cable which Comcast had helpfully left exposed rather than in one of those little box things.
> 
> Just a short and sweet chapter today. Much more next week!


	15. Chapter 15

"I suppose, given where that first kiss led, that I can't regret it too much." Matt smiled and squeezed Ethan's hand.

"Exactly." Ethan squeezed back. Then they let go as the waitress arrived with their food. Ethan eyed his plate. The waitress had tucked a post-it note partially under it. "Oh dear."

"Hmm?"

Ethan chuckled. "I've been given a note that if I need to get out of a bad situation, here's a number to call, and I think the number for RAINN."

Matt put his head in his hands. "For god's sake."

Ethan laughed and reached over to pat Matt's arm lightly. "Hey, at least it was just a note and not some kind of big scene. Think positively about it. She thought I might need help and she did something. The world needs more of that sort of thing."

"I suppose so. You seem very cheerful about it all same."

Ethan patted Matt again. "I'm not the one being indirectly accused of abuse by random strangers, so it's easy for me to brush it off. But of course I'm cheerful. In another hour or so I'll have you all alone, all to myself, with no more reason to hold back on doing _anything_ to you." He grinned. "I am enjoying our date, it's lovely to get to go out with you, but I'm very definitely looking forward to what comes after the date."

Matt blushed, but he smiled, and said, "So am I."

The date had been Matt's idea. Ethan had been all for going straight to the hotel room as soon as check in time arrived, but he hadn't resisted Matt's suggestion. There was something nice about going out for a romantic dinner first. They'd been waiting for years, a few more hours wouldn't really matter.

They were not in their hometown, that had seemed like too much of a risk, given that neither were quite ready to be fully out yet. Ethan was skipping his classes the following day, too, so they wouldn't have to rush out of the hotel room to drive home in the morning. And since that was Friday, Matt had gone ahead and booked the hotel for the whole weekend.

So they ate, and talked, and touched often, and blushed often too as they anticipated the moment drawing slowly closer. When they got the check they didn't linger, but went straight out to Matt's car, and drove to the hotel.

Checking in and getting their things to the room seemed to take a small eternity, and despite how patiently he'd waited so far, Ethan was feeling more than a little impatient by the time they finally stepped into the room. It wasn't anything fancy, but the bed was king-sized, so there would be plenty of room for them both. Ethan didn't waste much time taking it in, though, he turned to Matt and pulled him down for a hard kiss as soon as the door had shut behind them.

Matt kissed back hotly, and they were locked together for some time, lips moving, tongues twisting, hands roving, bodies pressed close in eager passion.

Quite a long time later they broke apart, both breathing a little faster. Giving a glance at the bed, Matt said, "I did bring some...ah...toys, but I think for now we don't need them, do we?"

Ethan smiled. "No. For now all we need is you and me."

"Yes." Matt coughed slightly and added, "I do also have lube. And condoms, if you want to use them."

Ethan blinked at him. "Do _you_ want to use condoms?"

Matt shrugged. "I don't prefer them, but I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or unsafe in any way."

Ethan smiled. "That's very sweet of you. But I assume you've been tested since the last time you've been with someone?"

"It's been a while, but yes. Everything was negative."

"Then don't bother. I trust you."

"Thank you," said Matt softly. He looked at Ethan, then suddenly scooped him up, lifting him in his arms.

Ethan let out a surprised squeak as Matt manhandled him. "What are you doing?"

Matt gave him a swift but intense kiss, supporting Ethan easily in his arms. Ethan felt a wonderful thrill at that, at the reminder of Matt's size and power, and of the fact that all that belonged to him. Matt laid him down on the bed gently, almost tenderly, bending over him. "Let me show you how I feel about you," he said softly. "Please."

Ethan lifted his hand and stroked Matt's hair. "Of course."

With a warm smile—and a faint blush—Matt began undoing the buttons on Ethan's shirt. He didn't rush, he took his time, and frequently paused to trail his fingers over Ethan's skin, or to bend down and give him another soft kiss. He removed his shoes too, and then his pants, letting his fingers touch Ethan's erection as well, sending a wonderful thrill through the young man. Finally, _finally_ they'd do more than just tease, more than just masturbate together.

Matt pulled Ethan's boxers off too, leaving him completely nude. He sat back, kneeling on the bed, looking down at Ethan. "You're beautiful," he said softly, and bent and kissed Ethan again, sweetly, deeply.

Ethan felt his cheeks heating, but he kissed back with matching fervor, feeling a warm glow at his core that had nothing to do with sex. Being with Matt was wonderful, and however much fun he'd had with kinky games, or how much he'd looked forward to the purely physical aspects of sex, he felt the idea of simply making love, sharing that pleasure as a bond of care between them, was far more wonderful, far more intense.

Not that he wasn't sexually wound up as well. As Matt broke off the kiss and moved down to plant another kiss at Ethan's collarbone, Ethan felt himself tensing in breathless anticipation. He was already erect, and he was pretty sure he knew exactly what Matt was about to do. He lifted his hand, tangling his fingers in Matt's hair, and made a soft sound of pleasure as Matt continued, kissing down his chest slowly.

Matt made a little detour to Ethan's nipple and paused there, his tongue teasing it. Then he began sucking and nipping at it too, soon moving over to give the other nipple the same treatment. Ethan moaned softly, his eyes going half-closed as the mix of pleasure and pain from Matt's teeth on him ran through him.

He tensed more as Matt gave one last nip and then began kissing downward again. Matt kissed slowly across Ethan's stomach, and didn't stop there. Ethan found himself holding his breath as Matt moved the last few inches and planted a kiss just at the base of his cock. Then he moved to kiss the head of it, softly, almost worshipfully.

"Ah, Ethan... My alpha. Let me show you how much I want to please you." He began lapping at Ethan's cock, and Ethan couldn't keep from moaning. He'd never felt anything quite like it; he could feel his pleasure already building. He wasn't going to last long at this rate.

Matt took the head of Ethan's cock into his mouth, his tongue rubbing against the underside as he sank slowly down. Ethan's hand, still resting against the back of Matt's head, tightened in his hair, and he moaned again, loudly. Matt made a soft, muffled sound of pleasure and continued, taking Ethan's cock deeper and deeper.

"Oh, Matt... Ah... Ha..." Ethan was on the edge already, the warmth of Matt's mouth and the pressure of his tongue as he finally sank down the last inch, taking Ethan's cock completely down his throat, was too much to resist. Ethan felt that wonderful pleasure filling him, and as it flashed over into an undeniable crescendo he cried out, his head going back against the bed, his back arching, and came hard.

Matt let out a tiny muffled moan, staying down on Ethan's cock as hot seed spurted out into his mouth. When it finally passed and Ethan went limp, Matt pulled back slowly, his lips caressing along Ethan's cock as he did, and then swallowed.

Matt sat back, smiling down at Ethan, an expression of complete contentment on his face. "Thank you," he said softly.

Ethan chuckled softly, lying in a haze of warm bliss, and reached up to caress Matt's cheek. "My sweet, wonderful omega. You're very welcome."

Matt stretched out alongside Ethan and pulled him in, holding him close. Ethan nuzzled at Matt's chest, then chuckled softly. "You're seriously overdressed, you know."

"Oh?"

"Yes," said Ethan firmly, pulling back from Matt's embrace. "You need to strip, now."

Matt's breath caught at the sudden command in Ethan's voice. "Yes, sir." He slid off the bed and started stripping, removing his clothing swiftly. Ethan watched in amusement. Once Matt was naked he came back to the bed, sitting hesitantly beside Ethan. Ethan immediately rose up on his knees and kissed Matt again, putting his hand on the back of Matt's head and holding him in the kiss.

With a soft moan Matt kissed back warmly. When Ethan broke off the kiss, Matt let Ethan shove him down on the bed on his back. Ethan didn't waste time with teasing, he went straight for Matt's cock. He'd touched it before, but mostly through his boxers. Now he curled his fingers around it and stroked it directly, making Matt moan softly at the touch. 

Matt had won the size lottery twice over, for he was very generously endowed. Ethan's small hand had trouble wrapping entirely around Matt's massive member. The size was slightly intimidating, given what he wanted to do, but it felt good in his hand, hard and hot.

He bent his head and gave the tip of Matt's cock a lick, tasting the odd, musky-salt flavor of it, hearing the sound of Matt's breathless moan as he did. Matt's scent of masculine arousal went through him in the best possible way and he made a soft sound of pleasure as he lapped Matt's cock again. After just a moment, though, Ethan straightened. "Stay right there."

"Yes, sir."

Ethan dug through Matt's suitcase until he found the lube bottle. Then he climbed back into the bed and practically pounced on Matt, straddling his thighs and reaching out to stroke his cock again. He got a puddle of lube in his hand and spread it on Matt's cock, squeezing and stroking much more than was strictly necessary to coat it in lube, and smiling at the sounds Matt made as he did.

After a long moment he shifted, moving up so that he could kiss Matt again, hard, forcefully. Matt moaned into the kiss, breathing hard as he lay beneath Ethan. When Ethan leaned back he said, "I want to claim you, my omega. I want to make you mine." Matt's eyes were slightly wide, and he licked his lips as he looked up at Ethan. Ethan smiled down at him. "I know you've told me you don't enjoy bottoming. So I guess it's time to find out if I do."

"You don't have to," said Matt, a little breathlessly.

"No, but I want to. I want us to be joined together in the most intimate possible way."

"Oh, Ethan." Matt reached up to him, caressing his cheek. Ethan captured his hand, putting his own over it, and smiled. Then he picked up the lube bottle again. He'd played with himself before, so this wouldn't be entirely new, but there was still an undeniable thrill, made up of equal parts eagerness and uncertainty, as Ethan pushed his fingers into himself, spreading the lube within, making sure he was relaxed and prepared as much as possible.

He lifted himself slightly, reaching back and guiding Matt's cock to press against him. He heat and hardness of it against his backside sent a shiver of anticipation through him, and he began to very slowly push down. Matt gasped softly, then let out a long moan as his cock began to enter Ethan.

Ethan moaned too. The sensation was new, and very strange. He was being stretched to the point of pain as Matt's cock spread him open, yet somehow pleasure and pain twisted together into one blissfully intense experience. Once the head of Matt's cock was fully within him he paused, panting, getting used to the sensation of being filled. He'd been worried that he'd hate it too, and that they wouldn't be able to make love like this, the way he truly wanted to, but though it was strange, it was also very good. 

He looked down at Matt, who lay with his head slightly tipped back, his eyes unfocused, glazed. Ethan smiled and pushed down a little further, and Matt moaned again, helplessly, the sound sending a thrill through Ethan. He continued to sink down, slowly taking Matt deeper, until the full length of Matt's cock was inside him. It still felt good. It felt beyond good.

He ground down then, clenching on Matt's cock, and Matt gasped. "Oh, god..."

"Mmm. There we go, my omega. You feel so good..."

"Yes. You feel amazing. Ah... Ah, Ethan..." Matt's hands were on his hips now, his fingers twitching as he shuddered in pleasure. He didn't pull Ethan down, though, he only rested his hands there, his grip firm, his hands huge and strong, yet Ethan knew that he was still very much in control of Matt.

Ethan began to move, lifting himself, then pushing back down onto Matt's cock. His own cock was hard again as pleasure raced through him. The feel of Matt's cock in him was so _very_ good as he moved, but Matt's moans of pleasure were even better.

Matt started rocking his hips in time to Ethan's movements, thrusting up into him, his hands clutching a little tighter on Ethan's waist.

"Yes... Good boy... I want you to come for me."

"Oh, god... Oh, Ethan..." Matt shuddered and began thrusting faster, pulling Ethan down hard. It began to hurt, a deep pain within joining the pain from where he was stretched out, yet it was still a good pain, and Ethan tipped his head back, panting, and clenched hard on Matt's cock, feeling a second climax building up in him, though he wasn't even touching his own cock.

Matt's breathing was growing harsh, ragged, his thrusting getting jerky, and his head was tipped back on the pillows, his eyes tightly closed. "Ah... Oh, god... Oh, please... _Please!_ " His tone of voice was intense, bordering on desperation, almost a whimper as he begged, and Ethan felt it shiver through him, the power of it making his heart pound. Matt was his, totally and completely, and it was thrilling in a way that was hard to put into words.

"Yes, come for me, my omega. Come for your alpha." Ethan clenched down as hard as he could, and Matt gasped, then cried out, his back arching, his hips thrusting up one last time as he came hard.

Ethan felt it, felt Matt's body shuddering beneath him, felt Matt's cock twitching within him, felt a strange, slick heat deep inside as Matt's seed pumped out into him, and it was beyond amazing. He couldn't resist any longer, he curled his own hand around his cock, and with only a few rapid strokes, even as the last of Matt's seed filled him, he came too, his own seed spurting out over Matt's chest and belly.

That moment, the peak of his climax washing over him with Matt deep within him, the two of them tied together as closely as possible, was intensely euphoric, a rush and an intimacy that was every bit as good as he'd hoped it would be. 

It couldn't go on forever, but that was just fine too, and as he slowly relaxed Ethan bent over atop Matt, heedless of the mess, and gave Matt a soft, sweet kiss. "I love you," he murmured.

Matt opened his eyes, his expression blissfully dazed, and smiled warmly up at Ethan, wrapping his arms around him. "I love you too. Thank you so much."

"I'm happy to take care of my sweet omega." Ethan smiled back and sighed contentedly. He felt as happy as he'd ever felt, the glow of it filling every cell of his being. He felt like could stay like this, with Matt still within him, for hours. He rested his head against Matt's shoulder with a deep, happy sigh, and they lay together for a long time.

Eventually, however, the cooling mess slowly dripping down his thighs became a little too annoying, and Ethan sat back and climbed off of Matt. That resulted in an even bigger mess as he pulled free from Matt's softened cock. Ethan made a face and said, "I think it's shower time now."

Matt chuckled. "Yes, sir."

The hotel room's shower was surprisingly spacious, a modernistic, tiled cube with no tub. They stood together under the hot spray, simply standing close for a long time. After a while Matt got the soap and started washing Ethan, who smiled approvingly at this act of submission. Matt washed over his entire body, even kneeling and bending low to wash his feet, the water making his hair cascade around him as he crouched on the tiled floor. Ethan reached out and set a hand on his head, thoroughly enjoying seeing Matt like that.

"I should make _certain_ you're all clean, sir," said Matt, rising slightly on his knees and sending a smiling glance up at Ethan before bending his head again.

Ethan raised his eyebrows in an amused expression, but said, "If you like."

Matt chuckled softly and slid his hands up Ethan's thighs to squeeze his backside and rub his fingers between Ethan's cheeks. There was, in fact, a hint of stickiness still there, which Matt cleaned away, but he didn't stop when that was done, his fingers kept probing, and Ethan found himself starting to come erect again. Matt nuzzled against his cock, making a little humming sound of pleasure as he did so.

"Eager to please your alpha again, hmm?"

Matt glanced up again, his cheeks faintly flushed. "I have several years worth of desire saved up, sir. So yes. And you seem to be up for it." He smiled.

Ethan laughed. "The benefits of youth, I guess."

"Mmm." Matt didn't really reply, he just nuzzled at Ethan's cock again. Ethan stroked Matt's hair as he started to lick at it. He took the head of it into his mouth, which still felt just as amazing as it had the first time, and Ethan moaned softly. A moment later, though, Matt pulled back and doubled over in a momentary coughing, sneezing fit.

"Are you all right?" Ethan looked at him, concerned.

"Got water up my nose." Matt sounded annoyed, perhaps not so much at the water itself, but at the interruption to what he'd been doing.

Ethan smiled. "I'll just turn this off for now, then." He shut off the water's flow, and Matt smiled up at him, still on his knees, then took Ethan's cock back into his mouth.

Thinking about his own years' worth of desires and fantasies, Ethan worked his fingers through Matt's hair, gripping his head with both hands. Matt shivered and let out a muffled moan, sinking down deeper on Ethan's cock. Ethan encouraged this, pushing his head down, with gentle pressure for now.

As Matt began to move back and forth, though, Ethan tightened his grip, twisting Matt's hair hard enough to hurt, and started thrusting shallowly in time with Matt's movements. Matt let out another deep, muffled moan around Ethan's cock. His eyes were closed, and he seemed utterly focused on his work, his tongue pressing along Ethan's underside as Ethan started to thrust deeper, fucking Matt's mouth.

Ethan smiled, his thoughts running back over some of the things he'd done online, over the way Matt had reacted there. He grinned, deciding it was worth a try, and suddenly pulled Matt's head down hard, keeping him there, with Ethan's cock deep down his throat.

Matt shuddered again, but couldn't even moan, all he could do was stay where he was. He didn't fight, though, if anything he pressed even closer, his nose against Ethan's groin, his throat working, a wonderful, hot, intense sensation as Ethan's cock choked him. It was incredible, and Matt's obvious submissive eagerness as Ethan used him was just as good.

After some time, though, Matt started trying to pull back. Ethan almost laughed. He was probably desperate to breathe by now. He gave one more sharp yank, then relaxed, letting Matt escape.

Matt didn't even pull all the way back, though, he kept the tip of Ethan's cock in his mouth, his tongue still working at it, while he panted through his nose, catching his breath. The sensation was good, and Matt's utter devotion to his task, to serving Ethan, was thrilling. Looking down at Matt, Ethan felt an electric excitement. Having this huge, strong, older man kneeling before him, totally in his power, utterly under his thumb, seemed too good to possibly be real, yet it was.

Exercising that power, Ethan yanked Matt's head down again, getting a choked moan in response, and Matt worked even more intensely on Ethan's cock as Ethan thrust it deep. He repeated that action several times, letting Matt get just enough time to catch his breath a little, then pulling his head back down, and each time Matt moaned and shuddered and took Ethan's cock willingly, swallowing around it.

Ethan felt his pleasure start to steadily build. It was taking a while, since this would be the third time in barely over an hour, but Matt's skill and eagerness were undeniable, and soon Ethan was trembling on the edge. He pulled Matt's head down once more, twisting his hair roughly, thrusting his cock as deeply as he could, and whispered, "I'm almost there. I won't let you up until you make me come."

He could feel the shudder that ran through Matt, and the big man redoubled his efforts, his throat working around Ethan's cock, his tongue caressing, everything focused utterly on pleasing Ethan. It was intensely thrilling, and when Ethan finally came with a low grunt of pleasure, he felt it was as much because of Matt's utter submission, as because of anything physical.

Matt drank down Ethan's seed as it spurted out into his throat. He couldn't do anything but, still held down as he was, and Ethan kept him there until he was completely finished and Matt had swallowed the last drop. Then he finally let go.

Matt pulled back and gasped in a desperate breath, nearly collapsing on the wet tiles beneath him. He braced himself on both hands, shivering. Ethan stroked his hair, smoothing it down. "Good boy. Such a good boy," he said softly.

"Th-thank you, sir," said Matt, leaning his head against Ethan's leg. Slowly his trembling ceased, and he nuzzled against Ethan as he relaxed at his feet.

"I wasn't too rough with you, was I?" asked Ethan eventually.

Matt instantly shook his head. "No, sir. I... Ah... I enjoyed that a lot."

"So did I." Ethan smiled. "Now come on. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty worn out. Time for bed."

"Yes, sir," said Matt. He rose, and fetched a towel for Ethan, helping him dry off, which was honestly a little impractical, but Ethan enjoyed it all the same. Then Matt dried himself as well, while Ethan pulled back the covers and crawled into the big bed.

Matt flipped off the lights and joined him. They settled in together, Ethan ending up spooning Matt. The slightly odd position was comfortable and familiar—Matt liked being the "little" spoon—yet it was also all new as they pressed together skin to skin, basking in a soft afterglow.

Ethan nuzzled the back of Matt's neck, then nibbled lightly. "My omega. I've claimed you properly at last."

Matt sighed contentedly. "Yes. Or... Hmm."

"Hmm?"

"I don't dispute that I belong to you, sir." Matt's voice was warm, but also thoughtful as he continued. "I've belonged to you for at _least_ a year now, depending on how you count. And I won't dispute that tonight you have indeed claimed me more thoroughly and more wonderfully than ever before. But, how do I put this? I don't have a collar, or a ring, or anything like that. You haven't formalized it. So can it be called 'properly'?"

Ethan blinked. The idea hadn't crossed his mind, but he'd been focused on getting to today, on reaching eighteen. He hadn't put much thought into their future relationship beyond that. "Is that a complaint? Or a request?"

"Neither, really. Simply a thought. I... I don't know." There was a little sadness and uncertainty in his voice, all of the sudden.

"What is it?" Ethan squeezed Matt gently, reassuringly.

"Heh. It feels far too soon to talk about what amounts to getting engaged. You're still so very young, even if we've been together for years now. Not to mention that I'm still...conflicted at times. I, ah...I will skirt the bounds of what I'm allowed to say, sir, but I do still worry about you sometimes. It's so hard to stop entirely. It's so hard to not feel guilty, to not worry I've done something wrong somehow. Yet tonight has been so amazing." There was a little catch in his voice, like he was on the verge of tears suddenly. "I am happier with you than I ever thought I could be with anyone. I think I could be content with the way things are now, forever. But I also think, well... If nothing changes, if we do stay together, then someday I would like to wear your collar, sir."

"Oh, Matt. My sweet omega. I would love to put my collar on you someday." Ethan kissed the back of Matt's neck again, warmly. "You're right it's not something to rush into, though. Not if it's going to mean anything. I love you very much, though." He planted another kiss. "And I think things are going to work out. I can't imagine ever being with anyone but you, my omega."

"Mmm. I love you too, sir." Matt yawned then, and snuggled back just a bit more into Ethan's embrace. Ethan let his eyes slide closed and relaxed. A moment later he'd drifted off, sleeping at last with Matt in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we return to where we began. But there's still more to come. Eight more chapters, specifically. 
> 
> P.S. Matt and Ethan's slightly casual approach to condom use and STD testing is not _quite_ ideal for complete safety. It mirrors my own use, I'm afraid, just as other bits and pieces of this mirror my life in other ways. But never use AO3 fics as role models for real life sexuality. :D


	16. Chapter 16

Ethan tried not to squirm like a child as he sat on the pew next to his mother. He did not want to be there. His father wasn't there, he'd come up with some excuse and begged off. He was nominally Christian, but attended almost entirely for his wife's sake, as far as Ethan could tell. His mother, though, was much more devout, and insisted that Ethan be too.

He seemed to have lost the knack for enduring the sermon sometime during the past year at school. He certainly hadn't attended church on the weekends when he stayed at the dorms, and those had become increasingly common as the school year progressed. Now he was home for the summer, though, and being dragged to church was the least of his troubles. Fitting himself back into his childhood life was utterly impossible, yet it was what his mother seemed to expect. She was even pushing for him to re-install the damn tracking app.

As if he wasn't an adult now. As if he hadn't taken care of himself perfectly well for the better part of an entire year. He'd shopped, cooked, laundered, cleaned, studied, and generally kept on top of life this whole time, and now he was being babied. It was nearly intolerable.

He fidgeted again, then clenched his teeth and made himself sit still. Acting like a little kid wouldn't help things. He could sit still through one sermon, at least, and then escape. 

The preaching hadn't actually started yet, "church business" was taking place now, which was frankly the most boring thing possible, even more so than the sermon itself. The only good thing about church was the hymns, Ethan loved singing. He was going to take choir next year, probably. He'd just about settled on a music major, and that would require a certain number of ensemble classes.

His eyes wandered around the room as his thoughts wandered, and ended up on Matt, who was sitting alone in a pew a row in front of Ethan, off to one side. He had his head bowed and his eyes closed as if in prayer or contemplation. Ethan wondered what he was thinking. Perhaps he really was praying. Matt seemed a lot more devout than Ethan. At this point Ethan was attending solely because of his mother. On his own he would never come here, but there was nobody forcing Matt to attend.

Ethan wished suddenly that he could sit beside Matt and not beside his mother. But of course that sort of thing would never be allowed _here_ , of all places. This was the last place in the world for them to show even the tiniest hint of affection towards each other.

The hymn was one of the slightly boring ones, so Ethan amused himself by singing a different part on each verse. He couldn't quite reach the low notes for the bass part, and he had to drop the soprano part down an octave, but he had a quite good tenor, and managed to hit the higher alto notes without too much trouble, though he was still working on his tone that high. Maybe he should see if the university had voice lessons available.

Then the song was done and the sermon started. With nothing else to keep him occupied, Ethan actually paid attention to it, little as he wanted to hear the kind of preaching that happened here. He had gotten used to the lively, open-minded, "consider this" style of theology a few of his favorite religious bloggers favored, and the heavy-handed, simplistic, "one true meaning" sort of lecture the pastor here delivered felt cramped and irritating and even outright wrong on many occasions.

"Today I have a warning for you, my brothers and sisters in Christ. Here, in this building, we are apart from the world, but when we leave it, we go out amid sin, amid evil, amid the work of Satan. The world around us wallows in the worst sort of filth. Even in our homes we are not safe from it. It comes from our computers, it comes from our televisions, and it comes from those around us too! There are servants of Satan abroad among us, spreading Satan's message that every sin is acceptable, that every perversion is right and good. These vile sinners are even luring our children into their sinful ways. The very schools that are meant to educate our children are teaching them Satan's curriculum!"

Ethan winced slightly. He suddenly knew exactly where this was going. He'd heard the news himself. He would never have dared join a gay-straight alliance club, his parents would have killed him, even if he insisted he was only a straight ally, but it had warmed his heart to find that his former school was going to have such a thing. But of course other hearts, especially here, wouldn't be so warmed.

"Yes, Satan himself is after the pure innocence of our little ones, and his servants, the perverse, the defilers, are trying to teach our children that their sinful ways are acceptable. Their worldly doctrine claims that homosexuality is natural, as if God intended for man to lie with man. But I say unto you, as the Lord God said until you, that 'thou shall not lie with mankind as with womankind, it is an abomination'. An abomination! Do not pretend that there is any excuse for such sin, or any justification!"

It was all Ethan could do to not visibly hunch up in his seat as the pastor continued. The sermon had just gotten started, and the pastor had a lot more to say about abominations before he was done. Ethan looked over at Matt again, and found that Matt had glanced back at him. Their eyes met for a moment, making Ethan want to wince at the pain he saw there. Matt's expression was deeply troubled, and it nearly broke Ethan's heart. It was bad enough for Ethan to sit here, listening to this ranting against his own heart. But he had been dragged here, and he was firmly convinced that the pastor was wrong. He was simply suffering through hearing a bigot spout off his bigotry.

Matt, though, seemed to genuinely believe in at least some of what was taught here. He was probably hearing something that seemed all too likely to be true, and believing himself to be an abomination. Doubly so, since the preacher was going on about corrupting children.

Ethan wanted to stand up, grab Matt, and drag him out of the room. He didn't know if Matt would come, though, even putting aside the monumental fit his mother would throw. A tiny smile quirked the corner of his mouth. He'd read something once about how a good commander never gives an order he knows his soldiers won't obey. He wouldn't order Matt to stop coming to church, since he didn't know if Matt would obey or not. But he very much wished he could. Hearing this horrible hatred week after week was corrosive to the soul. No wonder Matt still struggled so much with guilt.

The sermon eventually came to an end, with Ethan managing to tune most of it out, thankfully. Yet as the congregation sang the final hymn before going, Ethan found himself fervently wishing he could somehow get Matt to stop coming. He didn't want to try and drag Matt away from his faith, but surely there had to be a better church somewhere than this one.


	17. Chapter 17

"My parents used to go. My mother still does from time to time, though she's not in good health." Matt sat pensively on his bed, his legs drawn up, his arms wrapped around his knees. Ethan knelt beside him, his arm around Matt, his head on Matt's shoulder.

"My father went all his life. My mother converted before marrying him. She was his second wife, the first died young. She was nearly forty when she had me. And she had—still has—all the zeal of a late-life convert. She's extremely dedicated to the church. I... I think if I came out as gay, it would break her. There's part of me, to be honest, that's just waiting for her to die, so my choices won't hurt her."

"That's terribly sad," said Ethan gently. "I understand, though. I know someday I'm going to want to be open about this, and it's going to break my mom's heart too. I'm not looking forward to it. But I can't live in hiding forever. And I certainly can't keep hearing those awful sermons. I only go because Mom drags me. I don't know how you can stand it."

"I... I don't know. It's been part of my life for so long. It's hard to give up. Seeing you there today, though, seeing your expression at that particular sermon... Maybe I should stop. You shouldn't be subjected to that kind of awful hatred, and I guess I shouldn't either."

"No, you shouldn't," said Ethan firmly, feeling a wash of relief go through him. "In fact I am almost tempted to order you to not. I've ordered you to stop calling yourself nasty names, but I know you still think those things sometimes, and I feel like hearing that kind of thing is at least half the reason why."

Matt sighed softly, and leaned his head against Ethan's. "I don't think I'll ever be entirely free of guilt, church or no. For being gay, maybe. There seem to be more and more people saying that there's nothing wrong with it, and more and more evidence that it's just the way we're born." He paused, then softly added, "Just the way God made me. But... The other thing, the children, that's harder."

Ethan just squeezed Matt, not wanting to repeat the same reassurances he'd already given many times.

"Even that, I guess, might be the way God made me, and I'm not sure I can understand why. I don't know. Maybe it is all part of a grand plan. Maybe he gave me this curse in order to also give me the cure, though that's pretty circular. I only met you because of it, though, and I feel like you're the nearest thing to a cure for it. I don't know that I'll ever be free of it, but I feel safe from it all the same, so long as I'm with you. I..." Matt suddenly laughed softly, a strangely dark sound. "Some days I think I have more faith in you than in God anymore. Some of those days are even good days."

"Oh Matt... Don't put me on too high a pedestal. I'm not God! Anyhow, you were doing awfully well with it before I came along." Ethan smiled. "But I'm glad I've been able to help."

"I'm glad too. And if you want to order me to stop going to church... Maybe that would be a good thing. I don't know."

"How about this? I'm stuck going every week while I'm home for the summer. Stick it out with me. We can talk about how wrong—or how right—the sermons were in our chat room, after. Give you a little time to think through what you want to keep, and what you want to throw out. Think through what's bearing good fruit, and what trees should be hewn down and cast into the fire." Ethan smiled as he made the scriptural reference. "Then when school starts again, I'll insist on you stopping. You can decide for yourself then if you want to give up on church altogether, or if you want to find somewhere more welcoming."

"That sounds like a good idea, sir." Matt smiled gently. Ethan smiled back. 

He settled his head back on Matt's shoulder and let out a tired sigh.

"How are you doing?" asked Matt.

Ethan sighed again. "Fine, but I'm so worn out. My parents are driving me crazy. I thought I'd be okay, I'd been going home on so many weekends, but having to put up with them every day is worse than I remembered it. I got so used to being free to go where I want and do what I want. And I swear my mom has gotten worse now that I'm back, she's hardly letting me out of her sight. We had a fight before I could come over here, and she just thinks I'm at Rob's again."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"I'm sorry to be dealing with it."

"If you just want to cuddle today, that's fine. I don't need anything more."

"Maybe." Ethan nuzzled against Matt's shoulder a little. He felt so tired, so wrung-out, that just cuddling seemed like a really good idea. Yet he was also more than a little bit horny. It had been months since the last time he'd managed to be alone with Matt for any real length of time. 

He had a thought, and considered it for a while. Now and then, in their online play, Matt had been the one to take charge. Not often, and Matt had done it more often and more easily back before they'd met in person. But once in a while Matt's jokes about being an alpha too had lead to actual dominance, to him taking charge and setting the pace and doing the same sorts of commanding and even violent things that Ethan usually did to him.

Something about that sounded wonderful right now. To just let go, to let somebody else take charge, that seemed good. The vague ache of need, the sexual desire that hovered at the back of his mind, conjured up a sudden memory that felt absolutely ancient—of that very first kiss, of the strength and power of Matt, so much bigger than his thirteen-year-old self, pinning him to the wall.

Ethan felt his pulse suddenly speeding, and he licked his lips. "Matt?"

"Hmm?"

"How do you feel about the idea of you taking charge tonight? Of you being dominant?"

Matt pulled back slightly and blinked at Ethan. "Me?"

"Yes. I'm not sure I have the energy to top you. But I don't want to just cuddle either. You've done it before online, and you were very good at it. Could you, this once?"

Matt gave a little shiver. He hesitated, then nodded slowly. "If you're sure you want me to, I think I could."

Ethan smiled. "Thank you." He leaned in and kissed Matt's cheek.

Another shiver went through Matt, and he turned to Ethan, sliding his arms around him, and kissing him. Ethan kissed back warmly, willingly. It was sweet at first, like many of the kisses they'd shared. Yet it swiftly grew passionate. Matt's arms tightened around Ethan, holding him close, and his tongue pushed into Ethan's mouth, pressing deep. A moment later Matt had pushed him back on the bed and was bending over him. Ethan had been here before, but always when he'd had good reason to tell Matt to stop. Now he wanted nothing more than to have Matt continue, to take him, to claim him as thoroughly as he'd claimed Matt months before. So he surrendered himself to it, moaning softly into the kiss, letting go of his usual control, of his usual careful series of plans about what to do next, and just reacted to what Matt was doing.

Matt's body pinned Ethan down as Matt continued to kiss him, his tongue twisting forcefully, even roughly, with Ethan's. Ethan clutched at Matt's shirt, moaning, feeling excitement build up within him.

Matt broke off the kiss, panting hard, and leaned back. He pulled off his own shirt hastily, undoing buttons in a flurry. Then he yanked Ethan's off more easily, since Ethan had changed into a t-shirt after church before coming over. He climbed off of Ethan and undid his jeans, yanking those off rapidly too, and Ethan's boxers followed. Matt looked down at him possessively, hungrily, and Ethan felt another thrill go through him. This was so different from anything they'd done before, but it was good, very good, and when Matt groped at him roughly Ethan moaned, his cock already achingly erect.

Matt gave him another grope, but then shoved him over into his stomach, pressing against Ethan from behind, Matt's body heavy, his erection hard and hot even through the fabric of his pants. Matt bit his shoulder sharply, roughly, and Ethan shivered, feeling tiny and helpless beneath Matt. It was exciting in an entirely different way from the way dominating Matt was exciting. Matt could do absolutely anything to him, and there was no way he could stop it.

Then Matt sat back again. Ethan looked back over his shoulder and saw Matt stripping, then going to his dresser and fishing out the bottle of lube. 

He applied some to Ethan first, sinking his fingers in without hesitation, spreading the lube around, but twisting and stroking deep inside too. Matt touched just the right spot and Ethan gasped, then moaned intensely as pleasure shocked through him. His hands were grabbing the bedcovers already, and his body was tensed. This was amazing.

With a low chuckle Matt rubbed there one more time, then withdrew his fingers and applied another generous coating of lube to his own cock. He had been within Ethan many times before, but never in this position. They'd always made love face to face, with Ethan on top.

Now, pinned face down under Matt as the big man lined his cock up, Ethan felt an intense thrill of primal desire. He was going to be taken like an animal, and he wanted that more than anything.

Matt seemed eager to give it to him, for he started pushing in with hardly any hesitation, sinking his cock in deep. Ethan had taken his cock before, of course, but it was never easy. Matt's cock was enormous, and it always stretched Ethan to the point of pain.

The pain was particularly thrilling now, though, as Ethan slipped into a submissive mindset. He moaned loudly and squirmed as Matt sank slowly deeper and deeper. "Ah... Ah, yes... Ah, Matt..."

Matt only growled softly and bit Ethan's shoulder as he hilted, every inch of him sunk in deep. Ethan lay very still under him, panting hard.

Then Matt started to thrust. He didn't take his time or work his way up, he simply started taking Ethan forcefully, slamming himself in deep. Ethan cried out, feeling pain both deep within and just at his anus, where the stretching sensation turned to a sudden sharp spike, and he suspected something had torn at least a little bit. It was intense, and in some ways awful, and yet in some ways actually wonderful, and the cry he let out had as much of passion as agony in it.

Matt seemed beyond words, he only growled again, his breath hot in Ethan's ear, his arms going around Ethan, holding him tightly as Matt took him almost brutally.

"Ah! Ah fuck! Ah god, Matt... Yes!" Ethan writhed under him, whimpering and moaning and crying out. He couldn't help himself, it was too intense, too much. His own cock was rock-hard, and he felt almost on the edge of coming, yet the pain was keeping him from pushing over, holding him there. 

As Matt continued to take him the pain grew even greater, the initial sharp spike of it becoming a stabbing, burning ache, while deep within he felt bruised where Matt was pounding into him, and his hands fisted in the blankets, his body arching under Matt. His cries were half sobs, the intensity of the experience almost too much to bear. He felt tears standing in his eyes, and part of him wanted to try to fight, however futile it might be, or to attempt to order Matt to stop, yet most of him was utterly lost in it, sinking willingly into a masochistic, submissive state, dazed with it, and the sobs he let out, the shaking of his body, was an intense catharsis, expressing every bad thing he'd ever dealt with and releasing it all.

Finally, just when Ethan wasn't sure he could take any more, Matt gave one last deep, convulsive thrust and came hard. Ethan could feel it, his every nerve seeming on fire with pleasure mixed with pain as the rush of being filled by Matt's seed crashed over him. It wasn't an orgasm, but it was almost orgasmic all the same. He'd been used hard, taken with primal power, and reaching the end, enduring the final moment, was a thrill like nothing he'd ever known before.

When the last drops had pumped out and Matt finally went still atop him, Ethan relaxed in something that was almost like relief. There were still tears standing in his eyes, but he felt amazing, a hazy, blissful euphoria filling him. He'd been dominated utterly, used hard, driven to the limit and it had been exactly what he'd needed. He sighed deeply, going completely and utterly limp. "Mmm. Thank you," he murmured.

Matt didn't say anything, he only lay still, his ragged breath gradually calming. His arms were still tight around Ethan, and he nuzzled the back of Ethan's neck.

They lay like that for a very long time, with Ethan a puddle of total relaxation beneath Matt, with Matt's cock still within him. Now that Matt wasn't moving and his cock had softened a bit, even that didn't hurt at all. Everything felt completely wonderful. Matt was heavy, though, even though he was supporting himself on his elbows over Ethan, and eventually Ethan gave a little wiggle, making Matt's cock slip from him. With a deep, regretful sigh Matt levered himself upright, off of Ethan entirely. Ethan let out a soft hiss of pain as Matt's cock pulled free of him, rubbing against the spot where he'd torn. 

"Are... Are you alright?" Matt said softly, he deep voice sounding worried.

"Mmm, yeah," murmured Ethan, still lost in the post-endorphin bliss. The fresh pain hadn't particularly impacted it. He could feel semen trickling from him and smiled almost smugly. Matt had apparently come pretty heavily this time. Which was just great, but he should probably clean up the mess. He blinked his eyes back into focus and rose slowly. "Let's shower."

Matt hesitated a moment, then nodded. "Yes, sir."

Ethan tilted his head curiously, looking at Matt. "Guess I'm in charge again?"

Matt looked away from him. "I think you should be, sir."

Ethan frowned faintly. What was that about? He wanted to ask, but he wasn't quite sure how to phrase the question. So he just headed for the bathroom and silently turned on the water. Once it was warm he stepped under the spray, and Matt joined him and began to wash him, as he usually did. Ethan sighed and let him, though he hissed again and flinched when Matt's fingers began gently cleaning his anus. It stung quite a bit.

"Oh god." The exclamation wasn't Matt's usual breathless expression of surprised desire, it was horrified, genuinely upset, and Ethan opened his eyes to look at where Matt knelt in front of him in the tub. He was staring down at his hand, that had just been cleaning Ethan. There was a smear of blood across his fingers. "God, you're bleeding," said Matt.

"Heh. I'm not surprised," said Ethan, with a small smile that tried to be reassuring.

"I'm so sorry," began Matt.

Ethan frowned. "Matt, don't start this again."

"But I've actually hurt you this time. I... God... I..." He shivered. Ethan felt a flash of frustrated anger. Why did Matt keep doing this kind of thing? It had gotten better since the claiming a year and more past, but here it was again, this same guilty nonsense. Ethan was suddenly as tired of it as of his mother's fussing and his father's rants. He'd wanted to relax, to have a release from his problems, and Matt had given him that, yet now he was ruining it with his stupid guilt.

Matt had kept talking though, as these thoughts flashed through Ethan's mind. "I'm so sorry. I knew I was hurting you while I did it, and I didn't stop. I could have controlled myself, but I just didn't want to. That's sick. I-"

"Shut up," snapped Ethan flatly, and Matt's eyes went wide, looking up at him in surprise. "Get out and dry yourself off," ordered Ethan. Matt hesitated just a moment, then did so. Ethan turned around in the water and finished cleaning himself, hissing again in pain as he got the rest of the blood and semen off of him. He climbed out and swiftly, roughly toweled himself off too. Matt finished drying off, and Ethan ordered, "In there, on the bed," his voice still flat, hard, angry. He was angry at himself too, for letting this idiocy ruin the wonderful mood he'd been in only minutes ago, but he was going to deal with this nonsense once and for all, if he could.

Matt lay on his back on the bed, watching Ethan with wary, worried eyes. Ethan climbed up, standing over him, then dropped suddenly, putting most of his weight on the mattress, but ending up with one knee on Matt's chest, and not being entirely gentle about it. Matt let out a little grunt of pain at the impact, but didn't flinch. He did flinch, though, when Ethan lunged forward and grabbed him by the throat, squeezing. Ethan didn't choke him, not really, but he put enough pressure there to let Matt know that he could if he wanted.

A shudder went through Matt and his chest was suddenly heaving under Ethan's knee, his breath coming fast in something very like terror. Ethan leaned in even harder and drew the finger of the other hand across Matt's throat, slowly, digging in enough to really hurt.

"Do you remember the last time I did something like this to you in the chat room, Matt?" Ethan's voice was still hard, angry, and when Matt didn't instantly reply he snapped, "Do you?"

"Y-yes, sir."

"I would hope so. And I'm sure you remember what I actually did, don't you? I cut your throat. You know what else, Matt? When I did that I masturbated in real life, because doing that to you turned me on. I literally jerked off to the fantasy of _murdering_ you," he snarled and he tightened his grip on Matt's throat, knowing that he was probably letting out a little too much of his anger, but wanting to hammer this point home into Matt's stupid, stubborn head.

"Tell me Matt, am I sick? Am I a monster? When you heard today's sermon about the demonic evils of the gays, were you lumping me in with those who deserve hell? _Were you?_ "

Matt shivered and gasped in a breath as Ethan relaxed his grip enough to allow him to reply. "N-no, sir."

"And yet you have the _audacity_ to call yourself sick just because you enjoyed a little consensual rough sex. I was enjoying it the whole time, you know. I felt amazing afterward, it was exactly what I'd desperately needed today, and then you had to ruin that with your fucking guilt."

"I... I'm sorry, sir. I'm so sorry. Forgive me." There was a catch in Matt's voice, and tears suddenly in his eyes. Ethan let go of his throat and slid off of him suddenly, feeling a stab of guilt of his own. Maybe he'd gone too far.

"I'm sorry too," he said softly, and stroked his fingers over the faint red line his nail had left a moment ago. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be angry at you. I know it's not your fault that you feel guilty. But please, please, you need to stop it. What you did to me today really was exactly what I wanted, what I needed. You should feel absolutely zero guilt for it. You haven't truly hurt me, I promise."

"I'm sorry, sir. I'm so sorry. You were _bleeding_ , though. I..." Matt shook his head, his expression still troubled.

"Oh, Matt. For god's sake, I've bled after having a particularly annoying bit of constipation. Things heal back there, I'll be okay."

Matt's cheeks flushed with sudden shame, and he looked away from Ethan. "I'm sorry," he repeated, softly.

"It's okay. It'll be okay. Just please, stop beating yourself up like this. Stop jumping instantly to guilt. At least ask me if I'm alright first, okay?"

Matt sighed softly. "Yes, sir."

"Good boy. I'll try to not get so mad at you. Just because I'm the alpha, that doesn't mean I should hurt you either."

"I'm okay, sir. I... I guess I probably needed to hear at least some of that. I don't think of you as sick for the things you're into. I know I shouldn't think of myself as sick for most of what I want either."

"For _any_ of what you want," said Ethan firmly.

Matt shook his head just a bit, but a faint smile quirked up one corner of his mouth. "If you say so, sir."

"I do, and I own you, so you have to agree."

"Yes, sir." Matt's voice was almost amused, and he smiled a little more.

Ethan lay down beside him and rested his head on Matt's chest. Matt put his arms around Ethan with another soft sigh, relaxing in silence. After a moment, though, Ethan said regretfully, "I can't stay much longer. It's going to be dinner time soon and if I don't turn up, Mom will head over to Rob's to get me, and if she doesn't find me there, all hell will break lose. I wish I could stay. I wish I could just hold you in my arms all night. We've had so few chances to do that."

"Yeah." Matt held Ethan a moment longer, then reluctantly let go. "At least we'll be able to sleep together again sometimes once school starts again. That feels like an awfully long away away right now, though."

"I know. I sometimes think that maybe I should just say to hell with it all, come out, tell my parents, maybe even move in with you... Maybe it's cowardly of me to not."

"If it is, I'm just as much a coward. I'm not ready to come out either." Matt smiled a little. "Hell, my mother is a doddering little old lady, and I'm still afraid of her reaction. But...someday. Someday I want to be able to stop hiding. Someday I want to be able to walk down the street holding your hand. Someday I want to be able to live together, and not with some fiction about us being roommates, either." He sighed. "Maybe we'll have to move away from here entirely to do it. But maybe not. Things are changing, even here. The whole reason behind that sermon was the new gay-straight alliance, I'm pretty sure. If a high school can announce a club like that for the coming year, why can't we live openly? Maybe we can."

"I'd like it if we could. I just... I'm not ready yet. Once I graduate, maybe. The scholarship carries over as long as I get good grades, but my parents are paying for the dorm room and everything else. I guess I could get a job again, and live with you, but it's nearly an hour from here to campus... Ugh. I shouldn't stay in the closet just because of logistics, but..."

"It isn't just logistics," said Matt.

"No, it isn't. Damn, today is just a day for repeatedly ruining my mood. First church, then you freaking out about blood, now this. Ugh. Be in the chat room when I get home so I can have virtual cuddles, at least?"

"I will."

"Thank you," said Ethan warmly, and kissed Matt, before rising and beginning to don his clothing.

"You're very welcome, sir. And thank you for putting up with me."

Ethan smiled over at him. "I could say 'thanks for putting up with me' as well. But you're more than worth it, my omega."


	18. Chapter 18

>   
> Kazu: Hello.  
> AlphaOmega pounces on Kazu and hugs him tight.  
> AlphaOmega: Hello.  
> Kazu smiles and snuggles up.  
> Kazu: Thanks for being here.  
> AlphaOmega: I'll take good care of you tonight, sir.  
> Kazu: Aww. You're so great.  
> AlphaOmega curls up around Kazu, being the big spoon this time.  
> Kazu sighs happily.  
> Kazu: Thank you. Thank you for earlier, too. I'm sorry things went sideways afterward, but that really was exactly what I needed.  
> AlphaOmega: You really are okay? I really didn't hurt you?  
> Kazu: Don't be silly. Of course you hurt me, that was kinda the point! I mean come on, are you really okay after I've hurt you?  
> AlphaOmega: Heh. I am being dense, I guess. You're right, I like it when you hurt me.  
> Kazu: Exactly.  
> Kazu: Would you consider trying that again someday? Maybe without the drama after?  
> AlphaOmega: It feels a bit scary. But yes, I'd consider it. For you I'd do almost anything.  
> Kazu: Aww. That's sweet. But what I want most is for you to stop beating yourself up so much. You have no reason to feel guilty.  
> AlphaOmega: Easy to say, much harder to do. I'm trying. You've helped a lot.  
> Kazu: I'm glad. Though I need to work on myself too. I shouldn't let my temper get away with me like that. Just because I'm shorter or younger doesn't mean I can't be abusive towards you. Getting violent when I'm mad is not great.  
> AlphaOmega: Hey, don't say that! You're not abusive.  
> Kazu: Hah. Now you see how I feel every time you say something bad about yourself. Feels really annoying, doesn't it?  
> AlphaOmega: You're not abusive. But I get your point. Feeling that you're in charge of me has helped me get a handle on things, though. I wonder if we can turn that around for you somehow?  
> Kazu: What, you want to be the alpha whenever I get mad?  
> AlphaOmega: That wasn't exactly what I had in mind. More like what if I was your whipping boy for it? You've mostly gotten upset when I've done something stupid, anyway. What if instead of losing your temper and snapping at me, you had a calm way to express that? Some kind of formal punishment for me, or something.  
> Kazu: Interesting.  
> AlphaOmega: So instead of shouting and going for my throat (hot as that is, if I'm being honest) you could do something more ritualized.  
> Kazu: Like what? Bend you over my knee and spank you?  
> AlphaOmega: Sure, why not?  
> Kazu: Well, practically speaking because you're a bit big for me to support over my knee.  
> Kazu grins.  
> Kazu: But it's a good idea, actually.  
> AlphaOmega: There's just one down side.  
> Kazu: Oh?  
> AlphaOmega: I really like being spanked. So I'm going to be tempted to provoke you on purpose.  
> AlphaOmega grins.  
> Kazu laughs.  
> Kazu: You brat.  
> AlphaOmega looks innocent. Puts a thumbtack on teacher's chair as soon as Kazu isn't looking.  
> Kazu: Definitely a brat. You're in trouble now, kiddo!  
> AlphaOmega: Oh no, don't throw me into that briar patch!  
> Kazu chuckles.  
> Kazu: Honestly I'm still too worn out to punish you properly, even if you are a brat. Your punishment is you have to cuddle me some more.  
> AlphaOmega: I can live with that.  
> AlphaOmega hugs Kazu tight.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short one today, sorry! More next week.


	19. Chapter 19

"That's the last one," said Ethan, setting the box down on the kitchen table with a thump. "Thank you for helping me move in." He smiled at his parents. His dad had just set down another box. His mother hadn't had anything to carry on this last trip in from the car, so she was simply hovering nearby.

"You're registered for all your classes already?" she said.

"Yes, mom," said Ethan, trying to not roll his eyes.

"Taking any interesting classes this year, son?" He dad smiled at him, with a little knowing nod that said, "Humor your mother and chat for a bit before we go."

"Mostly just working through my generals," said Ethan with a shrug, accepting his fate. "Although I'm in orchestra and I've signed up for vocal classes. I'm looking forward to both of those a lot. I signed up for an extra credit for doing pit orchestra too. There's a joint music-theater department musical this year." Ethan yanked his conversation to a sudden halt there, realizing too late that he probably shouldn't have mentioned that last part. He'd just brought up being involved with theater in front of his dad. Though he'd at least stopped short of mentioning that they were performing _Jesus Christ, Superstar_ , which his father would almost certainly regard as blasphemy.

"A musical? And you're going to be performing in this?" His father's look was dubious.

"Uhm. Just in the orchestra, I won't be up on stage or anything," said Ethan, shifting uncomfortably, desperately hoping his dad would just let it drop. "You can't even see the pit from the audience."

"It's not just about being seen, son. You know that theater is a hive of homosexuals and perverts. I don't think I'm comfortable having my son associating with such people. You should be sticking to good, classical music, not performing with deviants."

"Not everyone in theater is gay," said Ethan, knowing even as he began that responding was probably a bad idea.

"Enough of them are. One bad apple, son, spoils the whole barrel."

"But..."

"I think you should drop this 'pit' thing. You said it's just an extra credit, you don't need credits that badly, do you?"

Ethan scowled, feeling a sudden flare of frustrated anger. It was a familiar feeling, in certain ways. He could hardly pin his dad down and assert physical dominance, but he was suddenly done just sitting back and listening to his bigotry. "I'm an adult now, Dad. I can pick my own classes. I don't need your input."

"Ethan!" That was his mother, sounding shocked. "Be civil. Don't talk back to your father."

Ethan felt his determination setting like concrete, rock-hard. "Rules about talking back are for children. I'm eighteen. I'm not a child any more. And I'm being perfectly civil, but I'm not going to change my course schedule just because Dad doesn't like theater."

"I'm trying to look out for the welfare of your soul, son."

"I can look out for my own soul. And I don't think playing trumpet while somebody sings is going to bar me from heaven."

"It's not about the performance, it's about the people you'll be spending time around. Your mother and I have trusted you to come here to this university rather than sending you to a Christian school, but if you go out of your way to associate with gays, well, when you lie down with dogs, you rise up with fleas."

"Dad! Gay people are not dogs, and they're not contaminated or contagious."

"They're contaminated with sin, with the devil's own ideas, with every kind of sexual perversion."

"They're people, just trying to live their lives."

"I knew we shouldn't have sent you here. I knew I shouldn't have listened to your mother. She wanted you closer to home, but a good Christian school wouldn't put such ideas into your head. Homos are the worst kind of people and I don't want you spending time around them!"

Ethan felt the angry confession that he was one of those homos hovering on his lips. He almost said it. He knew it would have to come out someday. Yet his courage failed him at the last minute and he just said, "I don't think there's anything wrong with being around gay people. I'm supposed to love my neighbor, even if my neighbor is a sinner. Samaritans were sinners, you know, and Jesus talked to them. And to tax collectors. And to whores, even."

"Jesus didn't have to worry about being tempted into sin. You do, son. I won't have you participating in theater."

Ethan noticed his mother shooting his dad an annoyed look. She probably knew perfectly well that what he'd just said was beyond incorrect. Ethan very nearly started in on explaining that Jesus being able to be tempted was actually a crucial theological point, and there was an entire story about Satan trying it, but realizing the futility of that kind of argument, he just said, "You don't get to dictate what classes I take."

"I'm the one paying for your room and board, son," snapped his father. "Shall I stop, then?"

"You'd really screw over my education, just to keep from spending a few hours around some people who might not even be gay?"

"Watch your language," said his mother, sharply.

"Mom, I'm eighteen, I can swear if I want to, and 'screw' is hardly a curse word."

"Don't talk to your parents that way," said his father, his voice rising.

"Maybe you should try not talking to your son that way! I'm not dropping the pit orchestra credit, that's the end of it. You can take away my money if you think your bigotry is more important than my degree, but I'm not going to let you hold money over my head like that."

"Ethan!" His father's voice was shocked. 

"I think it's time for you two to go. I have boxes to unpack, practice to do, and classes to get ready for."

"Now listen here, son. You can't just go disrespecting your parents like this."

Ethan gave his father a flat look. "Respect goes both ways, Dad. I will _not_ be changing my course schedule. I _will_ be going and practicing my trumpet now. I guess if you and Mom want to hang around and lecture me some more about sexual deviants you can go right ahead, but it's not going to change anything." He got up and headed out of the common room, into his bedroom.

True to his word he got out his trumpet and started playing. He didn't normally practice in his room, it was rude to his roommates, but they hadn't arrived yet, his parents had decided to move him in first thing in the morning, so it wasn't even noon yet.

He knew they'd be able to hear him, half the dorms could probably hear him. He half expected his dad to burst into his room as he played through a series of warm-up scales, but he finished the warm-up in peace, and when he poked his nose out of his bedroom, he found that his parents had both left. He went down the hall to the exit and glanced outside, and saw their car was gone. A sigh of relief escaped him, but it was a sad sort of sigh. He didn't want things to be this way.

What else could he do, though? He couldn't make his father stop being a bigot, or his mother stop being religious. Standing up to them felt like the right thing to do, yet he might well end up disowned before he even came out to them. He put his trumpet away and sat on the bed, putting his head in his hands. 

He was going to end up disowned anyway. Maybe it didn't really matter if he was disowned now rather than later. There was no way they were ever going to accept who he really was.


	20. Chapter 20

> Kazu: Today has been one of those days.  
> AlphaOmega: Another one, huh? Your parents again?  
> Kazu: Yes. They're finding all-new ways to aggravate me. I just got the ninth text from my mother about Thanksgiving. She's still acting like nothing at all has changed and I'll be coming to the big shindig at grandma's. Not a word of apology from my dad, though. Or from her, either.  
> AlphaOmega hugs Kazu tight.  
> AlphaOmega: I'm really sorry to hear that.

Ethan looked over at where Rob was typing away at his computer, then rolled over with his phone, trying to get comfortable in the narrow bed. In the months since the argument with his parents, they had been having some kind of slow-motion meltdown. The madness had begun when he'd gotten a call from the registrar, and discovered that his father had first tried to exercise his non-existent "right as a parent" to cancel Ethan's pit orchestra class, then had called back again trying to impersonate Ethan and do the same, but had gotten the same person at the office, who'd called Ethan's actual number and confirmed that no, he didn't want to cancel.

Now aware of the lengths to which his parents would apparently go, Ethan had taken some steps to make sure everything was locked down. The registrar and financial aid office both knew to not talk to anyone but him, and he'd ended up actually setting up a new bank account when he discovered that his mother's name was still on his and the person he'd spoken with at the bank had seemed baffled at the very idea of an eighteen-year-old not wanting his mother to be able to see his every financial transaction.

On the very next Friday there had been a series of angry demands via phone that he come home and let his father tell him his place, reinforced by some remarkably passive-aggressive texts from his mother to the same effect. He'd refused, saying that he wasn't going to come home until his father apologized for trying to impersonate him at the registrar, then hung up when his dad tried to argue that he'd had every right to do whatever was necessary to save Ethan from the influence of evil.

Pretty soon he'd stopped answering the phone when it was his dad on the line, and had collected some rather disturbing voice messages. His dad seemed to be unable to handle not being able to make Ethan come to heel, and his mother was having an equally great but much quieter meltdown over the probable state of his soul. Ethan wasn't responding to her texts either, and was considering blocking them.

The whole thing was turning into a total disaster, but he had set his heels stubbornly. He wasn't going to insist that his dad say gays were okay. He wasn't even going to tell his mother he was never setting foot in church again. But he absolutely _was_ going to insist that his dad apologize for impersonating him and trying to cancel his class for him. That felt like it was crossing a line. But apparently has father would rather make vague threats than admit he'd done anything wrong.

For now there really wasn't that much his father could do. His dorm room was paid for until the end of the semester, but Ethan anticipated trouble when it came time for next semester's payment, and was actively looking for a job. Unfortunately having most of his classes during the day, but having rehearsals and performances for the music courses at night left his schedule such that a job was difficult to find.

It was stressful, it was frustrating, and yet it felt as inevitable as the tides. He'd thought this fight would happen after graduation, when he had been vaguely planning on coming out as gay. Instead it was happening over a damned theater credit, but one way or another it had been bound to happen eventually.

> Kazu: Well, it's hardly your fault my parents are nutters. And hey, if I'm not going home for turkey day, maybe I can see you instead. I've got the whole long weekend wide open.  
> AlphaOmega: I've got to visit my mother, and I'm working starting at midnight on Black Friday. The mall will be open and it's all hands on deck, code red, you don't get it off unless you're literally dead, turn up even if you're merely dying.   
> AlphaOmega grins.  
> AlphaOmega: But I can give you a good chunk of Thursday, and at least a little time Saturday or Sunday too, assuming I survive Friday. Your place or mine?  
> Kazu: Hmm. I'll have the whole dorm to myself since everyone else is going somewhere, and I've got a better kitchen than yours, sorry, but that excuse for an oven you have is pathetic.  
> AlphaOmega: The landlord is very stubborn. It "works" so he's not obliged to replace it. And I'm not replacing it on my own dime, not when I'd have to leave it there. So your place, then.  
> Kazu: I don't know, the bed is better at yours. We don't _have_ to cook.  
> AlphaOmega: I like cooking! I won't get turkey anywhere else, my mom is back in the nursing home again. I'll be visiting her around noon, but I don't want nursing home cafeteria food. I'll bring fixings and make food at your place.  
> AlphaOmega winks  
> AlphaOmega: Also we won't be _sleeping_ in the bed, so yours is fine.  
> Kazu: Ha! Sounds good to me.


	21. Chapter 21

"Now it has to bake for two hours." Matt dusted his hands off, looking at the oven door in satisfaction. "Everything else is prepped and goes in once it comes out, and then I make gravy while things heat, and then we eat!" He surveyed the stuffing and sweet potatoes, ready and waiting on the counter, along with the take-and-bake rolls. They'd kept the dinner very simple, since it was just the two of them, but Matt had insisted on doing a whole, if small turkey.

Ethan smiled. "I see. However shall we kill two hours?"

"Oh, I'm sure you can think of something."

"Probably." Ethan stepped close to Matt, then grabbed his ponytail and pulled him down to kiss him hard. He kept it brief, but when he pulled back he didn't let go of his grip on Matt's hair.

Matt let out a startled yelp as Ethan towed him by the ponytail across the common room and down the hall to his bedroom. Inside he pushed Matt down onto the bed, then dug into his desk drawer and came up with a coil of bright pink and purple braided rope. "I visited the hardware store last week. Look what I found! Just your color, too, my omega."

"Oh my." Matt stared at him, cheeks heating, and Ethan laughed.

"Two hours is enough time for me to do all kinds of fun things. First I think I'll get you nice and helpless. Then, well... Then we'll see what I'm in the mood for. You set a timer on that turkey, I hope?"

"Uh, yes, sir."

"Good. Now I think you should strip."

"Yes, sir." Matt pulled his clothes off in short order, simply leaving them in a pile on the floor, and Ethan watched, as always appreciating Matt's athletic form.

"Hold out your hands."

Matt put his hands out, and Ethan started wrapping the rope around them. He wasn't as expert at artistic tying as some people, but he managed to make a tidy little triple figure-eight loop, knotted around the center to snug it down, with a considerable length trailing from it.

"They didn't have a shorter piece?" asked Matt.

Ethan grinned. "They cut it to the length you want. Now help me pull the bed out from the wall, why don't you?"

Matt blinked at him, but shrugged and helped Ethan to tug his small twin bed, just a mattress on a frame without headboard or footboard, about a foot away from the wall at the head. His hands were tied together in front, so he could still pull, even if his grip was a bit awkward.

"Excellent. Now, lie down."

"Yes, sir." Puzzled, but willing to go along, Matt lay down on the bed.

Ethan took the rope and used it to pull his hands up over his head, down into the gap between the bed and the wall. Then he dropped the tail of the rope down the gap too. A few moments' work and he had it pulled under the whole bed, down to the foot, where there was just enough slack for him to do a double loop around Matt's feet, where they stuck off of the too-short bed, and tie off the end.

"There you go. The only other way I could think of to tie you down to my bed involved four pieces of rope, and I'm not sure how well it'd work with how tall you are, but this works just fine. You can wiggle around some, but you won't be getting up until I'm good and ready to let you go. Isn't that just delightful?" 

Matt licked his lips, shivering. Ethan could see that his cock was already erect. He didn't move to touch it yet, though. "Now I just have to decide... Do I leave your mouth open so that you can beg and plead and scream properly? Or do I gag you? Decisions, decisions..." He drew his hand in an idle little doodle—that wasn't idle at all, of course—around Matt's hip, occasionally venturing inward just a little bit. Matt squirmed, and his cock twitched.

"Hmm. I think I'll leave it open. Though maybe I'll fill it up with _something_ eventually." Ethan's hand just brushed against the base of Matt's cock and he let out a soft, helpless moan. "You make such great sounds." Ethan curled his hand around Matt's cock, giving it a slow stroke.

Then he heard the sound of a knock at the front door. For a moment he was merely puzzled. Why would one of his roommates be here? They had all long since left for their various family celebrations. Then he heard the door open and a familiar voice say "Ethan?" and complete and total panic crashed over him. Oh fuck. What the hell was his mother doing here? She should be at his grandmother's stuffing herself with turkey right now! 

He dove for the knot around Matt's ankles, and got that undone swiftly, even as he heard his father's voice join his mother's. "Ethan? Are you here?"

With a litany of "oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck," running through his head he grabbed Matt's hands as Matt sat up, Matt's face showing equal, perhaps even greater panic, and started undoing the knot there. Why the hell hadn't he locked the front door? The door to his bedroom didn't lock, and he heard footsteps in the hall, but the elaborate knot was taking forever, and even when it was off, Matt would still be naked. Maybe Ethan should have gone for his pants first. Damn, he should tell them to not come in because he wasn't decent, but no that had never worked on his mother, she always walked in anyway and it was too late now, the door was swinging open.

Ethan was still fully dressed, of course, but Matt was wearing nothing at all, and still had the rope looped around his wrists.

Ethan's mother let out a little shriek, and his father's eyes were wide in shock has he looked over her shoulder. " _Matt?_ What the hell?"

Ethan opened his mouth to try to say that it wasn't what it looked like, or that he could explain. But it was exactly what it looked like, and he couldn't think of any excuse that could explain it.

"You two... I can't believe this! I can't believe this!" said his mother, starting to work herself up into what would no doubt be an epic frenzy. 

"Matt..." Ethan's dad was staring at his friend, and Matt flushed and looked away.

"Both of you get out, and let him get decent again," said Ethan, finding some kind of determination despite the utter dread that filled him.

"But..." his mom started, and Ethan stalked over and shut the door in both their faces. 

He returned to Matt and silently got the rope off of his wrists. Matt dressed swiftly, but everything about him looked crumpled in, small somehow. When he was finally clothed Ethan briefly squeezed his hands. "Whatever happens, I'm not letting them take you away from me," he said with soft firmness.

"Thank you," said Matt in reply, but he still looked absolutely horrible, and Ethan had a feeling that the old litany of guilt was running around in his head.

Out in the hall, both Ethan's parents were still standing there, and apparently they'd been arguing, though Ethan didn't catch any of it. He looked between them, still feeling afraid, but also feeling determined. "I guess we need to talk," he said, and walked past them, out into the common room. It felt weird taking charge of the situation, yet he'd actually gotten quite a lot of practice in taking charge over the last few years.

"Yes we do," said his father firmly. He gave Matt an angry look, and his mother added a glare, but both of them followed Ethan out.

Ethan took one of the chairs from the dining table, dragging it down to face the couch and gave Matt a firm nod that said to do the same. Matt perched gingerly on the cheap, wobbly chair next to Ethan, while his parents seated themselves on the couch. Matt's face still looked guilty, defeated. Ethan's father was angry, his brows drawn into a dark scowl. His mother's face was a string of conflicting expressions. Ethan felt fear twist in him. There was no way this conversation was going to go well.

There was a moment of silence, then finally Ethan's dad burst out, "What the hell were you two doing?"

Looking at him levelly, and feeling a weird calm settle over him, Ethan said, "What does it look like we were doing?" There was no point in lying. Matt had been tied up, naked, on his bed. Trying to come up with some bullshit explanation for that was just absurd.

"Some kind of...of perversion," spat his dad, and his eyes were fixed on Matt, not on Ethan. "You've been...been corrupting him."

Ethan wanted to head that off before Matt said something stupid, and snapped, "No, he didn't. This was my idea, he didn't 'corrupt' me."

Matt stayed silent. Ethan's mom, on the other hand, started almost wailing. "He corrupted my baby boy! He turned you gay! He..."

"He didn't turn me anything, Mom!"

"No son of mine could be a faggot," said Ethan's dad.

Matt flinched and looked at the floor. Ethan gritted his teeth. "Dad..."

"I should be calling the cops. In fact I'm going to-" Ethan's dad started to push up out of the couch.

"Call them for _what?_ " said Ethan harshly. "Being gay isn't illegal. None of this is illegal or immoral or sinful at all, unless you're hateful, homophobic bigots."

Ethan's parents both stared at him in shock. Ethan didn't want to feel a cold satisfaction about that, but he did. He loved them. He'd always loved them. But he _knew_ them too. He'd seen them struggle and fail to deal with the simple fact that he was an adult now. They weren't going to accept the much more difficult fact that he was gay. They simply weren't. He didn't know what that meant he should do, but he wasn't going to show the least ounce of weakness, the least ounce of willingness to accept any guilt for what he'd done.

Ethan's dad suddenly turned back to Matt. "I can't believe you'd do this, that you'd take advantage of my own son..."

"Oh for god's sake!" broke in Ethan, even less willing to let them put any guilt on Matt's already outsized burden. "He didn't take any kind of advantage! Are you blind, or are you just stupid? I had _him_ tied up, for crying out loud! I'm the one who approached him, I'm the one who courted him. Everything we've done has been my idea!"

"You little monster," said Ethan's mother. "How dare you speak to us like that? How dare you? Satan has gotten into you somehow! You need to repent! You need to have the devil cast out of you! It's a demonic influence, I just know it is. My poor, sweet, innocent little boy would never do such things!"

Ethan resisted the urge to put his head in his hands, but only just. "Mom, I'm eighteen. I'm not a little boy! I'm in my second year of college! I've been living on my own for more than a year now. Stop acting like I'm a child. I'm not innocent, I'm not a victim, I wasn't corrupted, and I certainly don't have any demons in me. I'm gay, okay? I'm gay, I like guys, I like Matt."

"No!" That was almost a wail. "You can't be. He's poisoned you. He's put the devil in you! He's done something to my sweet baby boy."

"What do you want me to do, go get a cross and show you I can still touch it? Swear it to you on a stack of bibles? There's no demons involved, and no corruption. I'm just _gay_. Do you understand that? G, A, Y, gay! Lots of people are and there's nothing wrong with it!"

"Satan begone!" said his mother, getting up out of the couch. "In the name of Jesus, demons begone! My baby isn't gay. My baby can't be gay."

Ethan got to his feet as well, frustrated rage rising in him. A lifetime of hating the "baby boy" nonsense and several recent years of not being so sure about Jesus, God, Satan or any of that all piled up in him and he shouted, "There's no such thing as Satan! I'm just gay! You can't change it, or cast it out, you're going to have to deal with it!"

Ethan's dad shot to his feet at that point. "We are not 'dealing with' our son being a pervert. No son of mine is going to be a faggot."

"Then I'm no son of yours," snapped Ethan back.

"Ethan!" His mother stepped forward and slapped him, hard.

He stared at her in angry shock, but at that Matt finally lifted his head. Ethan's mother pulled her hand back to slap him again, and Matt came off his chair in a rush and grabbed her wrist. "Be still," he said, his deep voice hard as he loomed over her. She shrank from him and he let her wrist go. She practically hid behind her husband, and Matt turned his dark, angry gaze on Ethan's dad. The shorter man flinched away from it, but didn't sit back down. "This has gotten out of hand," said Matt firmly. "We all need to calm down and discuss this rationally."

Ethan's father looked at Matt, and fear and anger flicked back and forth on his face. He said, "Tell me one thing, Matt. You really are gay? You and Ethan really have been having sex?"

Matt looked at him for a long moment, then he finally said, "Yes."

Ethan's father's expression darkened. "Then there's nothing to discuss. I do not have a gay son. So I have no son. I never want to see either of you godless, unnatural creatures ever again."

Ethan felt suddenly like he might faint, his whole body swaying as dizzy shock filled him. He'd known his mother was a little nuts, her raving had been nearly expected, though the slap had been shocking. But despite the way his father had escalated his attempts to control Ethan—or even perhaps because of them—Ethan hadn't expected this complete, instant disowning. He stared at his father, but his father's hard, angry expression didn't ease one bit. His mother started sobbing, clinging to his father. Ethan looked at her. "Mom..."

"Get thee hence, Satan!" she said, and burst into completely hysterical tears.

Ethan looked over at Matt, finally. He stood still, looking stricken, his expression a complex but unhappy, pained one.

That expression was too much for him. He straightened, his spine stiffening, and turned back to his parents. "Get out," he said, flatly, commandingly.

Now it was their turn to flinch, but his dad only gave a cold nod and, grabbing his mom's hand, stalked to the door and out through it. He slammed it hard behind him, and they were gone.

Ethan stared after them for a moment, then dropped down onto the couch with a deep sigh, and let go of the deliberate anger that had been holding him up. His face felt sore where his mom had slapped him, and he felt it gingerly, sure he probably had a good, visible red mark there. "God. What a mess."

Matt sat beside him and put his head in his hands. "This is all my fault."

"No, no, no, no, no. Don't start that again."

Matt shot him an almost annoyed glance. "It is, though! You lied to your parents. I _did_ start all this, I _did_ corrupt you."

"Oh that is complete and total bullshit, and you know it," said Ethan, getting annoyed himself. "Do you really think you turned me gay with one kiss? I've been the one pursuing you this whole time. I was always gay."

"But if I hadn't preyed on you, you could have ended up with somebody your own age."

"Oh sure, maybe. And gotten disowned for being caught with _him_ naked in my bed, whoever he might have been. Do I have to shout at you too that I'm G, A, Y, gay and not going to change? This was always going to happen, sooner or later."

"Sorry," said Matt more softly. "Sorry. I just... You don't deserve this. Your whole life is totally fucked up now."

Ethan sighed. "No it's not. I won't pretend I'm happy, but come on. I'm not the first gay person to get tossed out because of it. Far from. Most of those people have gone on to have lives. I'm in better shape than most of the ones my age. I've already been cutting my parents out of everything after that fiasco over the damn theater department. Next semester may be hairy if I haven't got a job by then, and next year will be...interesting if mom and dad don't come around, since I'll need them to fill out a FAFSA form, but we can cross that bridge when we come to it. I have everything that matters to me here, so even if they never let me come home again, I won't miss anything except them." He stopped and sighed again. "And most of the time I'm not going to miss them either, to be honest. Sometimes, but... They're not always great people, you know?"

"I don't know how they managed to raise you. You're amazing. But you could do better than a fucked up pedophile," said Matt sadly.

"Okay, that's it." Ethan let go of Matt's hand and shot to his feet, anger running through him. It was channeled anger now, though. They'd agreed on what he should do with it, and that solution sounded like exactly what he wanted to do right now. His eyes flicked to the kitchen timer, assessing the time, and to his shock he found it had been barely more than half an hour. Well, at least that meant he'd have plenty of time to take care of Matt's lapse back into guilt. "I'm done with this nonsense. You've broken the rules I gave you _badly_ , omega. You even said the forbidden word. Have you been cheating on me, then?" He poked Matt in the chest with a scowl. 

Matt's cheeks blushed bright red. "I... Of course I haven't cheated, but-"

"Nope, no arguing. You broke the rules, you get punished. Back into the bedroom with you, and when I get there you'd better be bent over and with your pants down." When Matt still hesitated, Ethan snapped, "Now!"

Matt twitched. "Y-yes, sir," he blurted, flushing even more, but he finally moved to obey.

Ethan glanced around the room, eyes darting, in search of something to use. They'd done a little bit of spanking before, back when they were avoiding sex, but given the severity of Matt's transgression, and the very real frustration he wanted to express, he wanted to use something more than his hand. Having a sudden thought, Ethan bent pulled open a kitchen drawer. He grinned as he saw the big wooden spoon there. He'd been spanked with one himself as a kid. It would do nicely.

He arrived in the bedroom to find that Matt had bent over, kneeling next to the low bed with his upper body resting on it, his pants and boxers down around his knees. Ethan stepped over and ran his hand over Matt's ass. He hefted the spoon in the other hand, then paused. The same desk drawer that had held the rope held the handcuffs, and Ethan pulled them out. Matt gave him a startled look, but Ethan just pulled his wrists behind his back and swiftly cuffed them together.

"There. Now, you have been a _very_ bad boy. You've brought up that ridiculous guilt nonsense _and_ you called yourself a pedophile again. That latter in particular is strictly forbidden. So I'm going to have to hurt you quite a lot. Hold still, and do try to not make too much noise. The dorm building is probably empty, but maybe not, and the walls are quite thin." Ethan smiled a hard sort of smile as he spoke.

Matt shivered, but said, "Yes, sir," softly.

Ethan gave a curt nod, then delivered the first stinging smack with the back of the spoon. Matt drew in a sharp breath, but remained silent. Ethan hit him again, on the other side. He was starting off fairly light. He didn't want to just whale away until he broke the spoon, he wanted to take a long time, and make an experience that built up from light to extreme.

So his first blows were sharp, but not that sharp, just stinging slaps of the spoon back, alternating sides, moving around, trying to add a little pink to every part of Matt's ass.

Matt didn't make much noise, he just lay there, his breath a little fast, sometimes gasping softly, but otherwise barely reacting. Ethan grinned suddenly and dealt one hard strike, as hard as he could. Matt flinched and let out a shocked yelp of pain. Ethan's next strike was softer, but every now and then he added a hard one in. And he slowly ramped it up, hitting Matt over and over, harder and harder.

Matt wasn't quiet any more, he cried out and gasped and even moaned as Ethan beat his ass repeatedly, steadily increasing the intensity as he did. When he was finally hitting about as hard as he could, and Matt was whimpering and crying out with each blow, Ethan suddenly stopped. Matt looked back at him, and just had time for his eyes to go wide when he realized that Ethan had reversed the spoon, and then he let out a breathless, shocked cry of pain as he whipped the spoon handle down, leaving a visible red line across Matt's ass. He paused a long moment, then put a matching mark on the other side. The sound Matt made was softer that time, but only because he was clenching his teeth, trying to not make too much noise.

"This is what you get when you're a bad boy." Another sharp strike. "This is what you get when you act guilty even though you've done nothing wrong." And another. "This is what you get when you say you're a pedophile." Yet another. "This is what you get when you disappoint me." One more. "And this pays for everything, Matt. So don't you dare blame yourself for any of this again." Ethan hit Matt with a final series of blows, a one-two, one-two across each cheek, so fast he didn't have time to draw breath, and so the sounds he made were almost inaudible, but might perhaps have been a scream if they hadn't been.

Ethan let the spoon fall and stroked his hand over Matt, feeling the heat, seeing the redness under his touch. "There. There. You did good." Matt was shuddering, panting hard and fast, and Ethan could see that there were tears standing in his eyes. He reached out and stroked Matt's hair, then down along his arm to squeeze his cuffed hand lightly. "Good boy. My good little omega. You won't disobey like that again, will you?"

"N-no, sir. I won't, sir." Matt's voice was dazed, almost euphoric.

"Good. So good." Ethan found he was breathing faster, feeling weirdly turned on. He ground against Matt. "My sweet omega..."

"Ah... Ethan... Please, sir..."

Ethan felt his breath catch. "You want me?"

"Yes. God, yes. Please."

"You're going to have me, then." He stepped back from Matt and went to his desk swiftly. A moment later he had the lube bottle and was back. He poured out a puddle and got his fingers thoroughly wetted, then pushed them against Matt's anus. Matt moaned softly, squirming as Ethan prepared him.

He knew Matt hated bottoming, finding it weird and uncomfortable both physically and mentally. But he also knew that in a submissive enough mindset, one could love something _because_ it was hated. And since Matt had begged for it, Ethan was going to give him exactly what he'd asked for.

So he swiftly unzipped and pulled out his cock, rubbing the rest of the lube over it. It wasn't anywhere near the size of Matt's monster member, but it was big enough, and Matt held his breath when Ethan put the head of it against Matt's anus.

"I'm going to take you now. I'm going to hurt you, probably. Even good boys still get hurt."

"Oh god... Y-yes, sir. _Please_ , sir."

"Yes," growled Ethan, and he thrust in all at once, making Matt arch his back and cry out. Ethan didn't relent after that, either. He just pounded Matt, as hard and fast as he could, bending over him and taking him roughly. Matt whimpered and moaned and writhed, and that just drove Ethan on to take him all the harder. He grabbed Matt's cuffed hands, reminding him of how they restrained him, and tugged on them as he continued.

"Oh, god. Oh, god. Ah..." Matt's voice was utterly breathless, holding both pain and pleasure as Ethan took him with primal ferocity.

"Mmm. Yes. Fuck yes, Matt. You're mine. I don't care if you're fucked up. I don't care if you're a pedophile. Fuck, I don't care if you want me, or if you want anyone else. You belong to me. You are mine, my pet, my slave, my omega, _mine!_ "

"Ah! Oh, god! Oh, Ethan!" His voice suddenly shifted, and Ethan could tell he was on the very edge, but he didn't care about that either, he was seeking his own pleasure, seeking to mark Matt as his with his seed, and a moment later he got there, and with a grunting cry that was still at least half possessive growl he came hard, his seed pumping out deep into Matt, filling him up.

"God! Ethan! Yes!" Even as Ethan finished filling Matt he felt Matt clench harder around him, a deep shudder going through him, and could tell that Matt was coming hard too, his seed spurting out over the blankets beneath him, so turned on by what Ethan had just done to him that he hadn't even needed to touch his cock to come.

They both rested together for some time, Ethan leaning over with his hands on the bed on either side of Matt, both of them panting. Slowly their breathing slowed and their blood cooled, and eventually Ethan stepped back, straightening and pulling his cock from Matt with a sigh. Matt just kind of slid down to fully kneel on the floor, looking dazed still. Ethan zipped himself up, then grabbed the handcuff keys and freed Matt's wrists, which Matt pulled around in front of him with a groan, rubbing at them. There were red marks all around, from where he'd pulled against the cuffs, both while being spanked and after.

With another sigh he leaned his head against Ethan's hip, his eyes closing. "God," he murmured softly.

"Heh. Yeah. You okay? I know I got a little...intense there."

"I'm fine."

"Good." Ethan sat tiredly on the bed, and Matt immediately shifted to put his head in Ethan's lap. Ethan smiled, stroking his hair gently. Matt relaxed into the familiar caress, and they stayed like that until a beeping from Matt's discarded pants' pocket indicated that the turkey was done.

They both rose, and Matt got dressed again. They didn't say much as they went about the rest of the preparations for the meal. Ethan felt in an odd state of gentle calm. He'd been through the storm, and he'd come out the other side. Or perhaps this was merely the eye and there was more chaos to come, but for now he felt surprisingly peaceful, surprisingly happy. The lingering soft smile he saw on Matt's face suggested that Matt felt much the same way.

When the turkey was finally carved and they sat down to eat, Ethan said, "There's nowhere else I'd rather be right now than here with you, Matt. I suppose I ought to be feeling terrible, disowned by my own parents on Thanksgiving. But I don't feel all that bad. I'm not...happy about that. But I am happy to have you. You're worth it."

Matt put his hand over Ethan's. "I'm happy to have you too. Family sometimes is what you make of it."

"It is, yes." Ethan felt a thought that had been half-formed in the back of his mind for the last half hour suddenly crystallize. "And I think I'd like to formalize that, Matt. I guess if I were doing this right I'd go buy one and surprise you with it, but to hell with that. Now seems like the perfect time. Would you wear my collar, Matt?"

Matt's eyes went wide, and he stared at Ethan for a long moment, a stunned but delighted smile slowly spreading across his face. "I would be honored, sir." He squeezed Ethan's hand, and Ethan squeezed back.

"I love you, my omega."

"I love you too, my alpha."

They looked at each other, warmth flowing between them, but then Ethan glanced down at his plate with a smile. "The food is getting cold. Let's eat. And sometime soon—though quite definitely not tomorrow—we can go buy you a collar and make our...engagement official."

"That sounds wonderful."


	22. Chapter 22

"I am really glad you already know your shirt collar size," muttered Ethan under his breath as the pair of them stood in the pet store, looking at dog collars.

Matt snickered, and in an equally low voice said, "God, yeah. I can just imagine having to try them on."

There was nobody else anywhere near the pair to hear, but they spoke softly all the same.

"So... black, I guess? Leather?"

"Yeah. Though maybe a nylon one too? Leather gets weird if you get it wet. So showering, or rainy days, or just working out and getting sweaty, it might be a good idea."

"Okay." Ethan reached out, selecting two plain, fairly narrow collars. They fortunately listed their size in inches, and given that each was adjustable, Ethan was sure they'd fit well enough. At the register he paid for both of them. Matt didn't protest, thankfully. He was doing things like buying dinner when he could, since Ethan still hadn't found a job and Matt's own work situation had actually improved quite a lot recently. There was a new manager at the mall who seemed to understand that shorting his best workers on hours was a bad idea. No matter what their respective finances, though, this time Ethan would have insisted on paying himself, even if Matt had offered.

Back at Matt's apartment Ethan took the collars out of their packaging, while Matt locked the door behind them. They'd both gotten in the habit of always locking doors when they were going to be alone together, even though it was pretty pointless now. It had been just over a week since Thanksgiving, and Ethan's parents had made no attempt to contact him. So he hadn't needed to refuse his mother's insistence that he attend church or lie in his old bed with the door shut trying to ignore is father shouting at the television again. Instead he was here, spending the weekend with Matt, the thing he would rather have done anyway.

It was strange, how detached he felt from his parents. Yet he realized now that he'd been slowly pulling away from them all his life. He'd been trying to fight free of his mother's smothering for as long as he could remember, and the shock of realizing that his dad was wrong, and not just wrong but hatefully wrong, was years in the past. This was just the end result of that path.

It was sad, and he'd cried over it several times already, but he'd had Matt's arms to seek comfort in when he did, and he knew that what he'd told Matt about this being inevitable was true. He was gay. His parents were homophobic bigots. Nothing could possibly have changed the result of those two things colliding.

"Shall we do this now?" he asked, fingering the pair of collars.

Matt swallowed hard. "Yeah."

Ethan tilted his head, looking up at Matt's nervous expression. "Having second thoughts?"

"No! No, just... It scares me a little bit how badly I want this."

"There's nothing to be afraid of. I'll take good care of you, Matt."

Matt looked down at him, then suddenly dropped to his knees, bending his head. "I know you will. You have all this time."

Ethan stepped close and stroked his hair. Matt nuzzled against his side and sighed deeply. After a while Ethan said, "I think you should strip. You bring nothing to this ceremony but yourself."

"Yes, sir," said Matt softly. He didn't rise, but simply removed his clothing while still on the floor, as Ethan watched. When he was nude he knelt again, head once more lowered. Ethan stepped up to stand behind him. He brushed Matt's ponytail aside and bent to kiss the back of his neck. Matt shivered faintly, but otherwise kept still.

"I don't have any fancy words to say," said Ethan quietly, gently. "But it's not about that, is it? It's just about what we have right here, you and me. And this." Ethan took the leather collar and slipped it around Matt's neck. Another shiver went through Matt, but he kept perfectly still otherwise. Ethan carefully snugged the collar down, not too tight, but not loose either, and fastened the buckle. He bent again and kissed the back of Matt's neck once more. "You're mine now. Now and forever."

"My alpha," said Matt softly, and Ethan's breath caught to hear the gentle fervor in his voice. "My master. I'm yours, now and forever."

"Yes," said Ethan, feeling strong emotion grip him. He almost wanted to cry, but in a good sort of way. "Now come, kiss your alpha." He tugged gently on the collar, urging Matt up. Matt rose and turned, then wrapped his arms around Ethan and bent to kiss him with deep, fervent passion. Ethan kissed back hotly, intensely, forcing his tongue into Matt's mouth.

Matt moaned, holding Ethan tightly as they kissed. After a moment Matt broke off the kiss and went back to his knees, his hands reaching to undo Ethan's pants. Ethan stroked his hair as he did, smiling, enjoying the sight of Matt at his feet. Matt pulled his pants down, and his boxers too, and Ethan stepped out of both.

Matt cupped Ethan's cock in his hand, then kissed the head of it with a tender devotion. Ethan smiled and continued to gently stroke his hair as he nuzzled and licked at it.

With a soft sigh of utter contentment, Matt took Ethan's cock into his mouth, sinking down on it, working his tongue along it. Ethan let out a moan of pleasure, Matt was as skilled as ever, and his expert attentions felt wonderful, but Ethan realized suddenly that this wasn't what he really wanted. He'd just claimed ownership of Matt, and he wanted something deeper, something more intimate. He grabbed a handful of Matt's hair and tugged up.

Matt blinked up at him, his expression puzzled. "Master?"

Ethan pulled Matt up further and pressed a hot, deep, intense kiss on him. Then, when he broke it off, he whispered softly, "I want you inside me, my omega."

Matt's breath caught, and a shudder went through him. "Oh, god."

"Go get the lube."

"Yes, master." As Ethan climbed into the bed and shed his shirt, Matt went and got the little bottle from his dresser drawer. He perched on the bed, looking down at Ethan, his expression a little uncertain. He seemed unsure of what to do next.

Ethan chuckled and spread his legs apart. "Prepare me, my omega, so that you can pleasure me."

Matt swallowed hard. "Yes, master." He poured a small puddle of the lube into his hand, dipping his fingers in it, and then pressing them to Ethan's anus.

Ethan tipped his head back, sighing deeply as he felt that wonderful sensation within. "Ah... Good boy... Yes..."

Matt licked his lips and gently stretched Ethan out, preparing him, generously spreading the lube within him. After a moment, though, he withdrew his fingers. He picked up the lube bottle again, but Ethan reached out and pulled it from his hand. He grinned and gripped Matt's cock, spreading lube on it for him, while Matt moaned softly. He did that for some time, stroking and teasing Matt.

Finally he let go, lying back again. "Now, my omega, my slave, come take me."

"Yes master," said Matt eagerly, moving over Ethan, lifting and spreading his legs to line his cock up. Ethan sighed again, relaxing as he felt the head of Matt's cock press against him. It was a wonderful, familiar warmth, and as Matt started to press into him he relaxed even further, welcoming Matt within him.

"Mmm. Good boy. Yes... Ah, yesssss..."

"Oh, master..." Matt shuddered as he sank in to the hilt, bent over Ethan. Ethan reached up and grabbed his hair, pulling him in for a hot, intense kiss, and Matt kissed back with equal intensely, moaning into it, starting to rock his hips, moving within Ethan.

Ethan locked his legs around Matt's waist, pressing into Matt's thrusts, panting rapidly. It felt amazing as Matt slowly took him, his warm body pressing tightly to Ethan's. Matt's weight pinned him down, yet Ethan knew he was in control, that whatever he asked for from Matt, he would get it instantly. So he relaxed into the pleasure of it as Matt thrust steadily into him. His hands stroked almost lazily down Matt's back, caressing, and Matt made a soft, sighing sound of pleasure.

Matt's eyes were half-closed, unfocused, and he sighed again with each thrust, obviously lost in pleasure. As his pace began to quicken, though, and his breath grow faster, he murmured, "I love you so much, my alpha."

"Oh Matt... I love you too, my omega. Yes..." Ethan slid his fingers up to grip Matt's shoulders, lifting his hips to Matt's thrusts as the pace and force of them increased, breathing hard himself now, his pleasure growing. "Ah yes," he moaned again, clenching down on Matt's cock.

Matt gasped and cried out, "Oh, Ethan!"

"Yes, come for me, come for your alpha."

"Oh, god!" Matt shuddered and thrust in harder, making Ethan cry out with it as pain joined the pleasure that raced through him, pushing him closer to his own climax. He clenched hard on Matt's cock, his whole body tensed, his nails digging into Matt's shoulders. He heard Matt let out a low cry and felt him thrust in again, rough and deep, as he began to come within Ethan. That was enough to push Ethan over the edge too and he came hard, his seed spurting out between them as Matt bent over him, filling him.

They were locked together for a long blissful moment, both utterly lost in pleasure, but eventually it passed, the last of Matt's seed pumping out into Ethan, and the last of his own making a mess of them both. Ethan let out a long, blissful sigh, relaxing beneath Matt. Matt sighed as well, keeping himself braced over Ethan so he wouldn't crush him, but nuzzling contentedly at him, planting kisses on his neck and shoulder. Ethan trailed his hands up and down Matt's back, feeling wonderfully, drowsily content. 

"Mine," he murmured softly, and Matt's breath caught again.

"Oh, Ethan... Yes, yours, always."

There was a long, comfortable silence, but at last Ethan shifted. Matt's cock finally slipped from him, and Matt sat back with an almost regretful sigh.

"What a mess you've made," said Ethan.

Matt smiled. "Me? I think most of the mess is yours."

"Tisk, taking back to your alpha like that!" Ethan grinned. "And this mess is all your fault. Not to mention there's some mess in me that's definitely yours. Come on, we need a shower."

Matt chuckled and rose, and Ethan got up as well. He felt absolutely wonderful. Owning Matt was beyond amazing. Beneath the warm water they pressed together again, and Matt bent to kiss Ethan softly, sweetly. Then he picked up the soap and began to wash Ethan all over, kneeling to wash his legs and feet. Once Ethan had rinsed off, Matt bent low, and kissed his foot, then stayed there, kneeling in the tub, bent over, hands on the tub's floor, the water pouring down over him, turning his hair into a curtain that hid his face. 

Ethan could remember the first time he'd seen Matt at his feet, and long before that, the first time he'd gotten Matt to kneel for him in the chat room, what felt like an eternity ago, when he'd been only thirteen years old. He could never have imagined, back then, where that first moment of submission would lead. He wondered, suddenly, what lay ahead for the two of them. He was eighteen, Matt was now thirty-two. Even that was still young, really. There were so many years ahead of them.

He bent and kissed the top of Matt's head, then reached out and turned off the water. Matt rose and got a towel for Ethan, once again drying him off first, before fetching his own towel and drying himself. "I should probably start dinner," Matt said as he dried his hair.

"How lucky am I to have such a slave? You're sexy as hell and you cook!" Ethan grinned at him.

Matt chuckled. "Any requests for tonight, master?"

"Whatever you want to make is fine. I'll even help, if you like."

They set about preparing dinner, working together with frequent laughter and frequent little touches, little warm moments. As they sat down to eat Ethan remembered his earlier musing about what lay ahead, and realized that this, everything they'd done today, was it. Sex and dominance and intimacy, and ordinary times just living together. That was what he had to look forward to with Matt.

He couldn't think of a better possible future.


	23. Chapter 23

It had rained that morning, and Ethan had worried that the clouds wouldn't clear up. The only space they had was outdoors, they hadn't had the budget for a "real" venue, but one could reserve many of the city parks for a very modest fee. The space was lovely, for there was a rose garden in the park they'd chosen, and the simple white arch they'd borrowed was backed by a riot of blooming flowers.

The rain had stopped just before noon, though, and there had been plenty of time to set out chairs, and to have the table with its cake put in place beneath a broad white umbrella.

The cake topper had two grooms, but though one could buy sets like that these days, they'd amused themselves by getting the grooms from two different traditional sets, so one of them was noticeably taller than the other.

It was a small cake, and there weren't that many chairs, but more people had come than either groom had originally hoped for. In addition to a small group of internet friends who'd traveled to be there, some even coming from overseas, Ethan's maternal grandparents, one aunt and uncle, and nearly all of his cousins on that side had come. All of Matt's half-siblings had made it too, though his mother had flatly refused to attend. Ethan's parents had refused as well, and all his relatives on his father's side. 

That had been saddening, yet having over twenty people there to witness the ceremony was more cheering than Ethan would have thought possible.

He stood across from Matt, holding his hands, and staring at him with what he was sure was a completely idiotic smile plastered on his face. Matt was smiling too, absolutely beaming. It was wonderful to see him so happy. It was wonderful to take this final step. In some ways it didn't matter all that much. As far as Ethan was concerned, Matt had been his since the day he'd put his collar on Matt. He wore it now, tucked out of sight beneath the tuxedo shirt's starched collar. Yet it was good, very good, to publicly make their private vows official.

Said vows had been written rather carefully. His and Matt's were similar, but not quite identical. Where Ethan's vows promised he would "cherish, honor, and protect", Matt's had "cherish, honor, and obey" in the same place. Traditional for a woman, perhaps, but more than a little odd for a man. If anyone noticed, though, they didn't say anything about it.

Rob stood under the arch, also beaming broadly, as he officiated. He'd gotten an online ordination so that he could legally marry Ethan and Matt, and seemed extremely delighted to do so. His latest partner, a ridiculously handsome young man that proved the still-chubby Rob could pull men seemingly out of his league as easily as women, sat with the other guests, also smiling happily.

"You may now kiss the groom," said Rob, his smile widening even further. Matt didn't bend this time, instead he went to one knee on a little padded stool that had been placed between them. When Matt had had the idea, Ethan had instantly been in love with it. It looked simply like a cute, perhaps even silly way to deal with how much taller Matt was, but in actuality, having him kneel, his head now an inch or two lower than Ethan's, meant that their first kiss as a married couple was still an act of submission from Matt.

So Matt knelt, smiling up at Ethan, and there were tears just gathering at the corners of his eyes as Ethan leaned down those few inches and kissed him sweetly. Ethan felt like he might tear up too, and also that his cheeks were actually sore from how much he'd smiled today. 

Everything was absolutely beautiful, and Matt there before him the most beautiful of all.

"I love you, my omega," he whispered.

"I love you, my alpha," said Matt in reply, and then they kissed again once more. Ethan found himself thinking that it was astonishing where that one long-ago kiss against the church hallway wall had lead. Then Matt rose, keeping Ethan's hand in his, and they walked down the aisle, towards their future, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to go ahead and post both final chapters and call it done. It's been quite a ride!
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's read this one. I know original works are a hard sell around here, and it makes me really happy that this one got as much love as it has. (Especially as I was braced for a lot of knee-jerk negativity. I've had a little, but mostly just from somebody who seems to have had a personal vendetta against me anyway, and didn't even read the story tags past the first "underage" one, let alone the story. Anyhow, people have been very civil and I appreciate it.)
> 
> Don't hesitate to leave a (civil) comment, or to check out my other stories if you need more reading material. I have a number that are centered on loving dominance and realistic BDSM that fans of this one might enjoy, you can also feel free to ask me to point you at them. :3
> 
> If you'd like to see me talk about writing, my works in progress, other creative endeavors, and my life in general, check out [my Dreamwidth blog](https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/).


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